To think most men wouldn’t survive a year living the life of an average woman?

[ThatRealLimeBee]

The daily grind of sexism, safety worries, juggling expectations, emotional labour… Most men have no idea. AIBU to think they’d crumble under the load if they had to swap lives with us for a year?

I was making the point that he isn’t lonely. He has a fantastic extended family. We’re currently our way to our annual holiday with our friends. We’re on year 11 of this particular trip and it’s the 4th trip we’ve taken as a group this year alone!
Not all only children are isolated or lonely.

I have siblings who I never see (and don’t want to).
Having a sibling isn’t a guaranteed happy family now or in the future.

Haha well the age I had my youngest at I’m officially a ‘geriatric mum’- no doubt some will disagree with that 😂 we can’t win really, can we?

I used to think it was “nurture more than nature” but now I wonder. Many men seem so capable of carrying out such shocking and repulsive acts that women generally don’t do, I’m thinking more that maybe they are biologically wired differently.

Take the rape gangs for example- men taking their sons, still in their school uniforms, to have sex with those vulnerable girls in car parks - I just cannot imagine a woman and their daughters ever doing that. We had a tragic case in Scotland where a young man raped and killed his sister - a man found her body and then he “had sex” with it - again, I just cannot see any woman ever doing that.

Yes so was my mum (with her youngest) but that doesn’t stop her spouting her bullshit.

Hypocrisy? Never! 😂

How dare you try to make excuses for another perons abusive mother! Like you try to make excuses for my neglectful ex husband.

All people you have never met yet you assumed are angelic and misunderstood just because they fit your narrow view of the good/man woman.

You're not getting the point that your view of the good man/woman is heavily skewed by misogyny even after all this talk. Come to think of it you still haven't shared any actual proof that nursery is abusive. You scarpered away from that very quickly when an actual education professional, like in the real definition of professional, took you task on your bullshit claims didn't you?

Do you mean have I spoken to my mum about it? Because I have spoken to a therapist about it and so have my siblings.

Needing a break? Overwhelmed by self-imposed pressure? It was her choice to have a very large family. It gave her a degree of attention and made her “different” and I think she thrived on that and that is why she had so many. But at the end of the day she shouldn’t have been a parent because she has narcissistic tendencies that caused great harm to me and my siblings. My dad was/is an overt narcissist- grandiose and self-important. My mum was/is a covert narcissist and operated through passive aggression, guilt tripping and other forms of control. Lots of people external to the family thought she was great, such a good parent, so involved with her kids etc but something fundamental was missing.

She also rewrites history so that certain traumatic events never happened according to her even though we all remember them and even our dad admits they happened.

It’s interesting how you seek to defend parents who are demonstrably shit. I wonder why that is.

I actually wasn’t seeking to defend her, but to understand. Yes, I wondered if you had spoken about it to her directly. I say this as someone who has had some difficult conversations with my own parents to seek to understand them better, and it helped. It may not help.

Google Katie Wheeler and John Meehan- they are publicly raising much awareness about the dangers of nurseries after their 9 month old was killed at one.

I have tried. The thing with people who are narcissists is that there is no point in these conversations. They will rewrite history and in their minds they were perfect parents. Both my parents think they were fantastic parents. They really really weren’t but in their heads
they were because we didn’t go to nursery or have the MMR jab or have lollipops or watch TV. But there is zero point debating it - it’s just upsetting.

Even in dire circumstances, good parents can care for their children emotionally. Whereas even with all the material wealth in the world, shit parents are shit.

Don't forget periods.

Still going at age 55 here. When will it stop?!

Sure- I’m sorry to hear it’s been upsetting, or if these debates generally have brought back upsetting feelings.

Hmm sure start were around when I had my DS. Wasn't aware they were just for SAHP. In fact he attended a surestart day nursery from 6 months while myself and parents of all the other kids worked

Google baby P. He would've probably been safer at nursery

There are bad and neglectful people who will hurt or kill kids. Just because one case happened at nursery doesn't make them all inherently unsafe

And Victoria Climbe - whose death prompted the labour government policies which included the introduction of Sure Start.

Nope. I'm a busy woman. If you are going to claim something outrageous, like nursery is child abuse, the burden of proof is on you.

Find it, make sure it's been peer reviewed and proven in the scientific sense, present it here and I will read it. I won't go on a wild goose chase for something I don't believe exists just because you claim it does.

It was found that Sure start centres were used most by the parents that needed them the least because they really cared for their children and provided everything their children needed anyway.

They had relatively little impact on the neglected children because the children who needed sure start centres the most unsurprisingly had parents who didn't give a shit so didn't take them.

THIS!

I do remember that.

It the Genevieve child that was smothered face down on a beanbag at nursery

Absolutely harrowing story.

Also doesn’t prove that nurseries are intrinsically dangerous places.

I’ve worked with many children who came to school filthy, unfed, some of them didn’t have basic utilities like electric and water, nevermind a proper bed. That doesn’t mean none of us should have children.

Oh look, you've once again confused the specific for the general in order to bolster your weird opinions. What a surprise.

Gah the post of Nigel’s didn’t post - either way, this is a response to the claim that parents can’t work and manage the demands of more than 1 kid properly, like illness and going to sports carnivals.

I’m finding it hard to know whether you have very real struggles with perspective taking and appreciating other views. Surely, it’s pretty obvious that everyone is different. Alternatively, maybe the posts are deliberately to bait people.

This one is a bit ridiculous though. I have 4 kids, and work for myself. Most years I have earned between 65-100k, depending on what else has been going on in life. Of my 4 kids, all are incredibly sporty, so I attend ALL the sports carnivals, and then the subsequent assemblies etc where they get awards. They then make at least the next 2 or 3 levels of competition, 2 of 3 have competed at a junior national level in different sports, which requires a parent to travel with them for 7-10 days. I would estimate that each school year, I spend time (or a whole day) at different school related sports or activities on at least 30 different days. Then there are all the other events and parent volunteering stuff that I tend to do. Yes, with 4 kids, illness and medical needs is multiplied by 4. My boss (me) sometimes does get irritated by the demands, but it has been very possible. Don’t get me wrong, my husband earns well and we could afford a nice life if I was a SAHP. However, the addition of my income has 100% made a positive difference to their lives and circumstances. I can see your perspective on the value of a SAHP in some circumstances, the fact you can’t see that combining work and family can sometimes be done very successfully by other people is puzzling.

I posted earlier about reducing hours as family needs are increasing with adolescence, and their sporting commitments…. But I’ll likely reduce to earning around 50-60k a year, which will remain a great balance and advantage to the children.

If you would find it hard to juggle both, that’s understandable. While we would have a nice life if I learnt $0, it would be the end of the high level sporting opportunities 3 of my 4 are chasing (the youngest is too young, I have no doubt it will be 4/4). I don’t think it would be in their best interests to limit their passions so I can match the Tupperware monthly rather than yearly and refresh the art on the walls more regularly.

You sound like an inspiration to your children.

I don't think that limiting their opportunities in life to rotate the art work would be in their best interests either.

I was replying to the person who said they didn't have time to look up the names. So why wouldn't it be specific?

And I gave no opinion at all - weird on not on it.

Feel free to quote my " weird opinion"