To think most men wouldn’t survive a year living the life of an average woman?

[ThatRealLimeBee]

The daily grind of sexism, safety worries, juggling expectations, emotional labour… Most men have no idea. AIBU to think they’d crumble under the load if they had to swap lives with us for a year?

You also seem incapable of acknowledging that any SAHPs out there are doing a fantastic job.

We should encourage people to be positive and inspire them do better, instead of criticising and putting them down. There used to be far more local Sure Start Centres to support those at home.

But arguably those who choose to only have one child to prioritise their career have denied their child all of the positives of having a sibling? Future opportunities to be an aunty/uncle, have aunties/uncles/cousins for their children? Building an extended family is a huge priority for many.

I and many other posters do not want more children.

We would rather give an excellent life to one child than a mediocre life to four children or a life struggle to seven children, like your unemployed friends who's children have holes in their shoes. You may consider that brilliant parenting bust most normal people, including the charities fighting child poverty, disagree with you.

I was waiting for that bullshit opinion to come from you!

Children are not owed and do need siblings.

A human being deserves a full life, that can be well provided for and knows they were truly wanted for themselves and themselves alone and not created as "company" for their sibling.

Many parents can't afford or are physically unable to have a second child. Many don't want a second child at all. That does not make them less of a perfect mother than you and it actually makes them better parents than your 7 child family friends whom can't provide properly for their children.

We’ll definitely have to agree to disagree on that one.

I wouldn’t swap being 1 of 3 for anything in the world, or my children having each other. They have learnt so much from each other, and have each other for life. My eldest has friends who are only children and they are so lonely. They openly ask for a younger sibling in front of us actually, they know my eldest is so lucky.

The support my DH and his siblings provided to each other throughout both their parents’ deaths was off the chart. My DH always says he is so grateful to his brothers and couldn’t imagine his life without them at any stage. He was so glad not to go through that alone.

Such a shame nowadays money is prioritised over building family. No aunties, no uncles, no cousins. I had absolute blast growing up with my cousins, the best fun and memories. What a loss.

So I guess this is your new thing to try and make me feel guilty about?
I have two siblings, we’re not close. Not all sibling relationships are positive.
My DS has 8 cousins, so he’s got that extended family.
He also has a sibling like relationship with my best friend’s children. He’s not missing out.

Not everyone wants a big family.

Again, you’re assuming everyone lives the same life as you.
I spent my childhood being beaten up by my brother. That only stopped when I got a boyfriend at 18.
He’s now in prison and will NEVER be allowed near my child.

Mu half sister couldn’t be bothered to turn up to my 40th and I’ve not seen her since. She didn’t even turn up to our grandad’s funeral.

Not all families are sunshine and rainbows.

Decisions have consequences. I’m very close to both mine, see one or other at least weekly. But I was brought up to prioritise and appreciate those lifelong relationships. It takes time, commitment and compromise.

Seeing friends is not the same as having a playmate in your own home from the moment you wake up to go to bed. During all the long school holidays. It’s incredible to witness.

Ah more emotional anecdotal bullshit.

Many siblings hate eachother I am not lonely, I have several step siblings, cousins, my family gained through marriage.

My husband speaks to his brother once a year and they actually get on, they're just not bothered about talking to eachother.

I used to ask for a sibling when I was a young child, now I'm an adult I don't really care about having a sibling and I completely understand why children don't get to make family decisions, because their little brains aren't even close to being developed enough to actually make decisions affecting several people's lives competently. Also a child that gets everything they ask for is rarely a happy one.

No, but you can change that and want better. I experienced terrible treatment from other family members, but still want better.

@Youdontseehow Women doing harm to other women is a socially/culturally learned phenomenon though.

Isn't men doing harm to women also a socially/culturally learned phenomenon?

Exactly, a child who gets everything they ask for with regards to money, toys, possessions and expensive hobbies rarely is either.

I would not everrrrrr want to swap places with my husband not even for a day. He does all the physical hard labour tasks-i will take making phone calls apps anytime over doing dirtiest/dusiest/smelliest tasks, he carries the responsibilty of making sure there is enough funds to pay all the bills and any extra needs that turn up- that is a major responsibilty and at tines when swapping jobs or wheb company is letting people go, major source of stress and so on.

No, i dont think women have it that hard, or maybe its time to find a new man, a good man takes all the heavy weight stuff off their woman.

And my DS is far from lonely. We spend a lot of time with my chosen family ( my best friend, her husband, kids, mum, brother) and the kids all describe themselves as siblings. He’s very, very lucky.

I do have better.
I didn’t want more than one child. That was my choice.
Why do you have such an issue with women making choices that are different to yours?

I’ve got to say though, the sibling camaraderie between that family of 7 is off the chart. I don’t envy the amount of cooking they do, but I certainly admire their genuine affection and sense of humour towards each other on the school run.

Your version of better is not the same as everyone else's. I love our little tight knit family, we're so close it's us against the world. I don't want to he part of a 10 person gaggle that I can't hear myself think over.

Come to think of it my grandmother came from a family like that, she hated it. That's why she only created a small family of her own and we have clearly loved it because we've done the same! Btw, my nan is one of 13 and they lived in abject poverty, they used to steal food off eachother and do awful things to eachother to just feel a bit of power over their situation. She most certainly is proof children in poverty with lots of siblings are not happier than children who are properly provided for in a smaller family.

There is a gulf between properly provided for and spoiled.

My child has a great life but she is not spoiled nor does she get everything she wants. Siblings and unicorns included!

I agree with the other poster, sibling like relationship isnt having a sibling, as a oarent one should do its best to encourage children to grow up close. The friends kids wont be around forever. I have a friend who is a single child,every relative is passing one by one away, he still has his parents and i an seriously worried for the guy when his parents are not around- he has also no partner or children of his own. I think he is starting to realise he might be one day with no one around thats he can call his family

That’s up to you, but you speak as of combining a carer with children is so easy, when you have no idea how that works for those with more than 1 child.

Illnesses double, and are often at different times, together with all the associated phone calls and appointments. School event invitations double and are on different days and different times. Different children need more support with different things. More cooking, more washing, more bedrooms to clean and organise. Double the party invites and extra curricular schedules to manage.

But you can’t even try to imagine how that becomes untenable without seriously annoying your boss?! 😂

My ex was one of 7. He hated it.

My mum is incredibly selfish. She doesn’t see any of her numerous children as real people with their own personalities and needs. They are extensions of her and serve certain functions for her. She is passive aggressive. One example would be throwing food away if we were naughty. So we’d be making a cake and if I or my siblings argued or did anything else that she didn’t like, she’d throw the cake away in front of us. Same with dinner sometimes. Or she’d storm off and come back and have been obviously crying with red eyes and we’d feel bad. Silent treatment that we didn’t know why we’d caused it. Our achievements became her achievements but she was only proud if we were good at things that she was good at too. I can’t ever recall her playing with us or having fun, as in laughing and joking with us even once.

But someone like you (and actually many of your posts remind me loads of her because she had similar views to you about children being best off at home) she’d be seen as the ideal mum. Lots of kids, stayed at home, talked about how she didn’t work because it was best for us. She’s against nursery and childcare by anyone who is not a blood relative. Obsessed with healthy eating and we weren’t allowed sweets. Or TV. Or vaccines (there was a tendency of thinking she knew better than medical professionals). She promoted educational activities and reading. But there was always an absence of that emotional connection. It was always about what she wanted - never us.

Now we’re adults she guilt trips us about how harmful and selfish it is to put our kids in nursery and work. Offered to do childcare and none of us took her up on it.

Of course I can imagine it. That’s why I chose not to do it!

Although, my best friend has managed it with two kids.
The key is a decent husband imo

It is important to play, laugh and have fun. I’m sorry to hear you didn’t experience that.

Have you spoken about it? I can only guess she possibly needed an occasional break/some support from another adult (which may have been lacking?) and/or was almost trying too hard and became overwhelmed by that self-imposed pressure.

It is certainly hard to predict what our children when adults will think, and their experience of their childhood will of course be different to ours. You are an individual.

Another of my mums views: it’s selfish to have an only child. Seriously I’m beginning to wonder if @ThankYouNigel is her.
She also thinks it’s selfish to have kids as an older mum. And to work of course. So many opinions, so much bullshit.