To think most men wouldn’t survive a year living the life of an average woman?

[ThatRealLimeBee]

The daily grind of sexism, safety worries, juggling expectations, emotional labour… Most men have no idea. AIBU to think they’d crumble under the load if they had to swap lives with us for a year?

But they wouldn’t do it. We put the stress on ourselves. My husband does his side of the family, gifts and cards - no expectation on my. Because that’s how we roll. He collects the kids and drops them off and he steps up. My children have been raised the same. Why do we feel ‘a woman’s load is huge?’

I was just about to say similar.

All that christmas nonsense, men simply wouldn't do it. And a lot of other stuff we insist on thats totally unnecessary they wouldn't do either. And the world would keep turning.

DH wouldn't survive, but I wouldn't survive living his life for a year either. We have different strengths and weaknesses.

@ThatRealLimeBeeI agree, we deal with things they’d never have to consider and it is a grind. It’s not about bloody cards and wrapping paper is it. I reckon just one month for them experiencing a bad bout of period cramps or hot flushes would be enough, doubt a whole year is doable!

It’s great that you and your husband share things equally - that’s how it should be. But a lot of women aren’t in that position and the extra load isn’t just about housework or kids. It’s constant safety considerations, being underestimated, appearance pressures, and other things men don’t have to think about. That’s the bit I think most men wouldn’t cope well with.

Mt DF was married for 26 years and a widower for 40.
He coped and I see no reason why other men wouldn't cope as well.
It's not that tough, Sorry.

Women are such martyrs.
Men can cope, and not all women feel burdened by their gender.

I know 3 gay couples who have adopted children. They all seem to cope fine.

That's not actually true
I see my dp every year, getting involved in the most ridiculous christmas tomfoolery with his family.

Presents lists stress about shopping for them.Christmas card lists.

All of them exchange presents when the youngest adults are in there. Forties and the youngest child is 17.

There are no actual little kids in this scenario, and there's always a massive stress over christmas.And presents and getting everything right and wrapped up and exchanged.

It's ludicrous for adults. I can give a toss about christmas presents for me.It's more about the experience in spending time with people I care about.

So in my relationship, he's the one making a meal of christmas, and I'd happily dispense with the whole thing.So some men would do it.

I think this is a bit exaggerated, tbh. And also smacks of martyrism. Too many women take on roles within the family that their partners should be doing - and then wonder why they’re doing all the emotional labour.

That’s not to say that a lot of ‘life work’ doesn’t end up falling at women’s feet - but it shouldn’t need to, if women just refused to do it.

Totally agree.

My DH completely does his part of all the domestics, parenting, life admin and what you call emotional labour. That’s because he’s a grown up. And so am I, so I don’t take on the role of his mummy.

Too many women enable useless men.

None of that describes how I feel as a woman.

I don’t have “constant” safety concerns, or any appearance pressures. I don’t carry more of the weight in my house or family, domestically or emotionally.

Hard agree. I've never done a load of my husband's washing and he probably does more housework than I do. He sorts presents for his side of the family and has ensured to keep me at a safe distance from his narcissist alcoholic mother, keeping firm boundaries in place from the very beginning. She doesn't even have my phone number. All men are not the same as you see on here.

No, they wouldn’t cope. Nor would they cope with periods/pregnancy/menopause whilst trying to work/raise a family etc
And yes they would just do things differently, put less effort in etc

Well they survived years in the trenches at war so we could have freedom.

❤️

Yes, historically men have never done much nor achieved anything.

Would you cope on an oil rig. In a manual job. As a builder or a brick layer?

I didn’t know women did pissing contests…

I could counter with most women would crumble under the pressure of being the primary (or sole?) bread winner for multiple years, maybe even decades.

How does a topic like this help anyone?

What have the Romans ever done for us?

I don’t have constant safety concerns. Men are far more likely to be attacked or beaten up when out than women. Men also have concerns about appearance- all the bullshit about being undateable if you’re a short male for instance. I always think I couldn’t cope with being a man but I think the reality is both sexes would cope perfectly well as the opposite sex.

Strongly disagree. My disabled husband of several decades has continued to work when many people would have given up. He has cried with pain when he’s returned home from work trips but still got up next morning and got on with it because he had to.

We’re waiting on house exchange right now so that he can retire and we can move into our flat. It takes him just under 10 minutes to climb the stairs in the family home. He has to rest every 3 steps. Because of his superhuman efforts over decades, we can help our kids acquire homes.

I’ve been blessed with good health but have recently suffered a slipped disc. I have no idea how on earth he carried on as he did. He tells me “because I love you”.

Also disagree. Similar to another poster, I don’t feel constantly worried for my safety, I have never felt any sexism at work or anything like that. I don’t feel pressure about my appearance (no more than my partner who is currently aware he is going bald!)… none of these things mentioned affect me.
At home, my partner does the food shop (Inc the “mental load” of deciding what to buy)and cooks and does the laundry. I do other cleaning bits so around a 50/50 split, if anything I’ll be honest and say he does more.
In terms of gifts at Christmas and birthdays, he does his family, I do mine.
The onlY stand out think I really do that’s more than him is organise hosting our friends and I put a lot of effort into dinner parties and big charcuterie lunches. And autumn and Christmas I love to go over board decorating the house and preparing. But that’s my choice. I like it. If he was me for a year he just wouldn’t do that, because he wouldn’t be interested.
So basically I think he’d cope just fine.

But they have typically had women to prop them up.

The men who are most successful in my work all have women who are picking up EVERYTHING for them at home. The women who are most successful are outsourcing the same things to other women.

Life would look different if roles were swapped. I agree that a lot of the faff women end up doing is sometimes self-generated.

Also, and this is a huge generalisation and I know it doesn't apply to all men and all women, and I will no doubt offend someone, but my experience is that men tend to focus on the job at hand and do that thoroughly, I call it thinking forwards or thinking in the box. Single tasking. Women tend to think sideways, or outside the box, and incorporate lots of things at the same time. Multi-tasking.

My DH will clean the bathroom. He will be in there for two hours. It will be pristine, like new, when he has finished. Tiles gleaming, grout cleaned, windows cleaned, toilet sparkling, no limescale in sight. Which is lovely. And far better than I would do. I would have lost the will to live.

Meanwhile, I have shimmied the kitchen, living room and bedroom, changed the bedding, taken the hoover round and got dinner prepped.

One isn't necessarily better, just different.