To tell my DH he can’t go to a stag do in Ibiza when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant?

[Featureso]

DH’s best mate is getting married and the stag do is a 4 day trip to Ibiza. It just so happens to fall when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant with our first baby.

He says I’m being controlling and paranoid because “first babies never come on time” and apparently all his mates’ wives were “fine” with it. I get that it’s his best friend and he doesn’t want to miss out, but I’ll be the size of a house, unable to drive, potentially going into labour while he’s off drinking god knows what on a boat.

I said I’d feel more comfortable if he stayed in the country at least, but he says I’m trying to ruin his life. He’s 34 by the way, not 21.

I’m trying to be fair and not unreasonable but I feel completely abandoned at such a critical time. If something did happen early and he missed the birth I honestly don’t know if I’d forgive him.

AIBU to say no? Or should I just let him go and hope the baby doesn’t come early like he says?

Perhaps it’s time to find a new birthing partner. If he goes and you’re fine you’ll always be seen as being unreasonable and if you do go in to labour then I imagine I’ll be just one of those things and how could it have been predicted. Your partner sounds like a very selfish twat.

No holiday insurer would pay out if he had to return, as they would quite rightly say that he shouldn't have gone in the first place.
Your husband is behaving like an absolute twat.

@Featureso "He says he didn’t tell me earlier because he “knew I’d react like this” which is… telling."

Oh, OP, what a complete bastard. Self-centred, gaslighting pig of a man. Please, please recognise that you and baby deserve infinitely better than this selfish arsehole who has ruined the end of your pregnancy with his egotistical, bullying ways.

If you can pack up and go to your mum's, in time, please do. This man is absolutely fucking worthless.

I'm so sorry. I've split from the father of my DC too, and I know how hard it is, but nothing is harder than being with a let-down, a shitty partner and dad, and a bully who makes it feel like it's all your fault.

Sending tonnes of love x

You are definitely not being unreasonable here! No one can guarantee when their baby will arrive. I’m afraid your husband needs to redefine his priorities.

So she contacts him and he's in a bar and drunk? That would not be a quick and easy emergency return to the UK. I suspect he'd have his phone off anyway.

Tell him that if he insists on going then you’re going to your mums the day before his flight and will stay there til the baby comes as you don’t want to take any risks being alone and it will be too much to travel back that late in your pregnancy. If he complains he’s got a fucking cheek

This must win the prize as the most ridiculous question ever. Driving while in labour is very unsafe.

It’s very close and first babies do come early too! If he’s comfortable with missing the birth then well, doesn’t bode well for you alas. You being large etc really isn’t a factor it’s down to the date.

I would do this.

@Featureso Tell him that he can go to Ibiza if he wants, but if he does, someone else will be your birth partner regardless of whether you go into labour while he is away or after he gets back. Because the purpose of a birth partner is to support you during childbirth, and if he goes to Ibiza he is making it clear that supporting you is not a priority for him.

I’m sorry about your DH. What a horrible thing to do when you’re about to have your first baby.

I would make call his parents / siblings / friends to ask if they can “be there on standby to help in case you need to go to hospital, since DH has booked a stay in Ibiza” so all his people know what a douche he is. Does he have anyone whose opinion he cares about?

I would then register the baby with your surname (if you haven’t taken his name), and be prepared for solo parenting.

I would be considering filing for divorce.

If you decide to stay with him, I would still keep the baby with your surname, keep your job and finances independent, and wait til he is sick/needs hospital and skip town on him.

I have sympathy for him wanting a last blow out before the baby. I have no sympathy for him being so ridiculous and dogmatic about doing so at 38 weeks. At 38 weeks, if you had the baby, it would not be considered early at all.

The reality is lots and lots of women (myself included) get to that point and are then told that actually, they need to get moving and have the baby asap. If the baby is breech, for example, by about 35 weeks I think they decide to do a c-section. Last minute issues can often come up which mean they accelerate things with induction. Lots of people on this thread have mentioned their specific experiences. I certainly will never forget wondering into the kitchen to make a second cup of tea for a friend who was visiting pre-baby, only to discover I had 6 missed calls from my GP's surgery - they were frantically trying to reach me becuase my routine blood test that morning had shown something very worrying and they wanted me to come in for induction the following day.....

He prefers a piss-up with what appear to be not very close friends…

… over possibly missing THE BIRTH OF HIS CHILD ???

Let that sink in

YANBU, that’s far too close for him to be leaving the country for a stag do.

See this as a welcome warning.

It is DH choice and he chose to book a weekend away with mates. He is just not that into playing happy families..
Prepare to use your surname for the baby and parent alone.

If he goes, I would pack your bags and head off to your Mum's (and start planning a divorce). It's not safe that late on if you don't have anyone to take you to the hospital at the drop of hat during the night especially as you'll struggle to get a taxi.

I know it's super rare and I don't mean to worry you but I know 2 people who haemorrhaged very late on and thankfully both had someone with them to phone an ambulance and everything turned out ok in the end after emergency c-sections etc. It's too big a risk to be left home alone.

I think you would be unreasonable to tell him he cannot go. He is an adult, you do not own him and you certainly cannot dictate what he can and cannot do. So unfortunately I think you have to suck it up.
however, he is also being absolutely vvvvvv unreasonable for even thinking going away when you wife is full term is okay, and especially booking it and agreeing to it behind her back because he knew you wouldn’t be happy. What an utter prick.

How best mate is he really? If I was his best mate I would be disgusted with him coming in stag do when wife so pregnant. Pity his mates aren’t calling him out on such shit behaviour

And it won’t be the last time he can go out and enjoy himself once he becomes a dad

Oh God OP what an absolute letdown he is.

Lying to you about the trip he'd already booked, emotional blackmail about "ruining his life". Is this really the person he wants to be?

Does he want to bet his wife's love and respect on a last minute trip to Ibiza?

He might miss the birth and even if he doesn't he's causing you stress and worry. Is this how he wants to start his journey as a father? Really?

He's set on going so I would give some real thought to what is the best solution for you to get through while he's away.

Can he drive you to your mums? Even if she works FT, if you go into labour she will be able to leave work. Most bosses would be understanding. I don't like the thought of you on your own at home with no support.

I really hope he reads this thread. I might even show him.

Good idea.

Being 38 weeks pregnant is not being controlling FFS. DD was born at 38 weeks and it is entirely possible that your baby might be late, but I am going to echo PP that your husband is being extremely selfish to prioritise a boozy trip to Ibiza before your wellbeing so close to your due date. It sounds like he has some growing up to do.

Can I suggest that you keep a number of taxi numbers on speed dial if Uber doesn't operate in your area.

Do you have any family or friends who.could read him the riot act because he is being an absolute arsehole and needs to wake up. And maybe you shouldn't go to the wedding if his friends show such little respect for your feelings.

DS, first baby, was early, was in labour for about 5 hours and I had complications afterwards which took longer than labour to sort out! DH by my side throughout

My first arrived spontaneously at 35+5.
I wouldn't be happy with this. There's no way my DH would have agreed to go either.

I had a husband like this. Now an ex-husband as any calling out of his unreasonable behaviour was me being controlling and ruining his life and fun. Sadly I wouldn’t expect much support with your baby from this type of selfish man. It doesn’t bode well for the future. He wants to live a single life when he’s a married man with a baby about to arrive.

All 3 of my children were early by 8 days for two and 3 weeks for my third.

I couldn't even get in behind the wheel and reach the pedals at the end, let alone drive myself to hospital while having contractions.