To tell my DH he can’t go to a stag do in Ibiza when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant?

[Featureso]

DH’s best mate is getting married and the stag do is a 4 day trip to Ibiza. It just so happens to fall when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant with our first baby.

He says I’m being controlling and paranoid because “first babies never come on time” and apparently all his mates’ wives were “fine” with it. I get that it’s his best friend and he doesn’t want to miss out, but I’ll be the size of a house, unable to drive, potentially going into labour while he’s off drinking god knows what on a boat.

I said I’d feel more comfortable if he stayed in the country at least, but he says I’m trying to ruin his life. He’s 34 by the way, not 21.

I’m trying to be fair and not unreasonable but I feel completely abandoned at such a critical time. If something did happen early and he missed the birth I honestly don’t know if I’d forgive him.

AIBU to say no? Or should I just let him go and hope the baby doesn’t come early like he says?

That said. I'm 29 years married on Sunday and my h pulled this trick when my 26 year old was about 6 months

i was cross but ofc not the labour thing. It was kinda a sign of who he was, but we worked through it over the years.

I’m all for partners still being able to their stuff but I gave birth unexpectedly at 35 weeks - he should stay home xx

I asked my husband what he would do in this situation. He said he wouldn’t even consider going away but if he did, he’d fully expect to find all his belongings out on the drive when he returned.
oh and he also said your husband is a total prick and you should kick him out.

My son in law did this when my daughter was 37 weeks pregnant and said the same that first babies never come on time! He went to Latvia. I travelled 150 to look after her for the weekend and got there on the Thursday. On the Friday we went for a walk after she finished her last shift at work and she had a really strong pain and had to sit down. On the Saturday we went to her friends baby shower and she was getting really strong pains. Early hours of Sunday her waters went and we headed to the hospital (she had strep b and had to go in (For AB’s) . Husbands flight wasn’t till the afternoon and was then slightly delayed. My husband had to drive to Heathrow to meet him off the flight as daughter was now in active labour. He was extremely lucky to make it back in time for babies arrival and got a lot of stick from the midwife. It was lucky that I was there to look after my baby and keep her calm. So NO he shouldn’t go. Men are so selfish sometimes. Good luck with your birth.

sometimes my posts look really artificial. I have a condition with my hands, which makes it quite painful to type. I use speech recognition to draft them. It comes up with random words and quite artificial phrases, and I don't necessarily catch it all. But believe me a human wrote them.

Just wanted to add another message of support, this is just dreadful behaviour by your DP. Although his thoughtlessness obviously isn’t great, It’s his responses to you that bother me. It’s not just that he’s got his head in the sand a bit about what’s coming, he sounds aggressive and manipulative, and without wanting to scaremonger or jump to the dramatic conclusion, pregnancy is a known trigger for domestic abuse. Please do make sure you tell your mum everything. Sending you a really big hug, and him the world worst hangover in the morning! X

If you don't believe that OP is a genuine poster, report the thread. Don't derail it.

I’m so sorry. I think if you’ve got the energy I would pack his things up whilst he’s in Ibiza and tell him not to bother coming back. Definitely go to antenatal classes, online or in person. Build a network of Mums so when your beautiful baby arrives you have people to talk to and coffee and park buddies. This is appallingly hard and I’m sorry.

Honestly I’m vindictive so if he’s acting like this I’d completely stop talking to him, stop doing any household tasks for him and when he’s go abroad block his number and do t let him know if the baby arrives

Mine too! OP, have you explained that the baby is scheduled for 37-42 weeks but may choose to come a bit earlier? I think some people think 40 is this magic number

He is, in fact, a father. A father of an yet unborn child.

Very off topic but I often see people saying stuff is clearly written by Chat GPT...how do you tell?

Normally you just get a vibe - AI generated ragebait posts tend to have a style, with certain phrasing, overuse of quotations, and using em dashes rather than hyphens (which is technically correct, but hardly anyone does it when casually posting on t'internet).

Out of interest, I ran the post that raised the accusation through a few AI detectors, and it came up clean. But in any case, I'd rather offer advice and support to a potentially 'fake' poster, than leave someone in genuine distress feeling alone. Plus, you never know if someone in a similar situation might be reading, and getting good advice from replies.

I can’t believe you are about to have his baby, which most people think of as the absolute best of times, and he’s accusing you of “ruining his life” if he can’t go to Ibiza.

If he stays home, you better hope to God you do give birth otherwise you’re never going to hear the end of it. I wouldn’t want him with me by this point anyway as he’ll just resent being there.

I’m really sorry you’re in this position, but he sounds like a complete idiot and I’d be seriously considering my options. This 34 year old teenager isn’t ready to be a proper dad.

I’ve read all your posts, @Featureso but not the replies, so thus is no now duplicative.

I don’t understand how your DP can’t grasp that being there for the birth of your first child is such an awesome and wondrous thing. I had an emergency Caesarian and my DP got the golden hour of skin to skin time while I got stitched up. His loss, truly, if he misses it (though also yours).

I made 2 really good friends at the ante-natal classes. Not going wouid have been a huge loss to me. I’m an older mum, so my friends fell into the category of having 12 year olds, or being childless. It’s a pity he stopped you from going.

Hopefully this moment is a turning point, and he sees the light and grows up a bit. 💐

Your husband needs to realise you are having a baby and his priorities need to shift and his life is going to change. You are technically full term at 38 weeks and I know plenty of women who have given birth around this time! I can’t believe he is putting you in the position where you have to say no, and he is risking missing the birth of his first child 🫠 My husband turned down a night in London to watch the football which coincided with when I’ll be 38 weeks - it wasn’t even a conversation, he just said no. (We are north, I don’t drive and we have a 3yo with no local family support)

Was your son-in-law apologetic? Did he admit that he shouldn't have gone? I would have found it very hard to be civil to him when he finally turned up.

So you are 'ruining his life' because you are just reminding him he needs to be with his pregnant partner who could end up give birth and be on her own while he is having fun with his mates?

He sounds like a selfish, immature waste of space.

I would be concerned as well that he is not going to step up when the baby is born...

At 34 he should know better.

I was you 20 years ago. I was 36 weeks pregnant with 2 other children, and had been put on bedrest for bleeding, and he wanted to go overseas (encouraged by his evil mother) for some sporting event. At my first birth after a difficult labour and emergency c-section, he left me for a sporting event. He never showed much interest in me when pregnant, never helped me or carried bags etc, always said pregnant women just use it as an excuse not to do things. He admitted he hated me being pregnant (he wasnt great if I was ever ill too). All of these signs were there from the very beginning. I spend ages crying, and begging, and reasoning with him. Nothing ever changed. He doesn't give a shit about you. He won't change. Dont be me, leave now and accept what is.

FWIW I left him 8 years ago and am now with a man who would never ever treat me like that. No man who loved you, would. They just wouldn't. Im so so sorry.

I haven’t RTFT but have read all OP’s comments.

The worst thing that happens if he doesn’t go is he misses out on a stag do. The worst thing that happens if he does go is he misses the birth of his child.

Being a parent sometimes requires sacrifice of things we’d like to do. He needs to wise up. I had my first spontaneously at 37 weeks. I went from 1-2cm to a baby in my arms in 2.5 hours.

YANBU plenty of first babies are born early! Totally selfish to go to another country and risk not being there for you.

Or having a lap dance or more…

YANBU

he just doesnt sound interested-ante natal too much? how wojuld he know

sounds like he will be usless and you will have to do everything

I was born 6 weeks early so anything can happen ,both my boys were born at 36 weeks

My first was born at 38+1 after spontaneous waters breaking. YANBU and he is a twat.