To tell my DH he can’t go to a stag do in Ibiza when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant?

[Featureso]

DH’s best mate is getting married and the stag do is a 4 day trip to Ibiza. It just so happens to fall when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant with our first baby.

He says I’m being controlling and paranoid because “first babies never come on time” and apparently all his mates’ wives were “fine” with it. I get that it’s his best friend and he doesn’t want to miss out, but I’ll be the size of a house, unable to drive, potentially going into labour while he’s off drinking god knows what on a boat.

I said I’d feel more comfortable if he stayed in the country at least, but he says I’m trying to ruin his life. He’s 34 by the way, not 21.

I’m trying to be fair and not unreasonable but I feel completely abandoned at such a critical time. If something did happen early and he missed the birth I honestly don’t know if I’d forgive him.

AIBU to say no? Or should I just let him go and hope the baby doesn’t come early like he says?

The fact that this is even a conversation is astounding to me. If my partner ever suggested something so stupid I'd assume he'd hit his head somehow and be driving him to A&E.

He'd rather have the certainty of a stag do over the possibility of his baby's birth?!?

Honestly he should be more worried about going and missing the birth than staying and missing a party

Did he tell you that you were trying to ruin his life when you were 38 weeks pregnant? OP's mum lives four hours away so unless she can come and stay, OP could go into labour while completely alone. OP says:

'It’s not even like the groom is his brother or something. It’s his uni mate. They went travelling once and still go to the pub occasionally.'

He is prioritising himself and a uni mate over his heavily pregnant wife.

OP has also said:

'I’ve been having more and more appointments and I’m getting really tired. I’m struggling to sleep, my back hurts constantly, and I’m starting to get scared about the birth.'

Her husband really doesn't care about her. If he can't feel empathy and show kindness to his pregnant wife when she feels like this, she would probably be better off without him.

I don't think he should go personally.

But tbh worst case it's just a 2.5 hour flight for an emergency return.

OP, he's just shown you that he truly is a man child loser.
Unfortunately it is unlikely you or your relationship will recover from this.
You need to focus on yourself and protect yourself.
Obviously if the marriage somehow survives, never have another child with him.

He's a selfish waster and whatever mask he used to get you to marry him, has truly been removed.

Only scum abandon a later pregnancy partner for a stag.

Thank goodness your mum is coming to stay.
If I was you I would be packing a bag and going to stay with her for your mat leave.
Go where you are supported BEFORE the baby is born.

He can't force you to return.
If you have the baby where you both live now, he could prevent you moving.

Just someone to think about.
Give the baby YOUR name if you have any doubts about your future relationship.

He is being horrible. Really horrible. I have two boys and both of them were born before 38 weeks. It is very normal for first time babies to come 'early'. That's why 37 weeks are considered full term, and not 'early. I believed everyone who said first time mothers 'always go over' and as a result my waters broke at work at 36 +1....

He is being wreckless, and it must be so hurtful to you. I'm really independent, my dh didn't have paternity leave, no family in the country etc. But I always knew he WANTED to be there. And that he moved heaven and earth to be around as much as he could.

When I was 35 weeks he needed a huge operation on his knee. His knee was agony, he was on crutches etc. He decided he would delay the operation for 3 mnths to make sure he was 'as mobile as possible' for the birth and first few weeks.

Has your 'd'h been to any antenatal classes?

My first baby arrived at 35 weeks!

Bloody hell, what is he thinking?! A baby born at 38 weeks is not considered early! Also, stress can send a mother into labour sooner, which is exactly what he’s doing to you. Him saying that you’re ruining his life is absolutely disgusting, he’s acting like a spoilt child not a grown man who’s about to become a father. I’m so sorry he’s let you down so badly at your most vulnerable moment.

It’s not just a 2.5 hour flight though is it? He’s not going to literally be able to step in a flight the minute he gets a phone call? It’s unrealistic to expect him to be able to make it home within 12 hours, let alone 2.5.

Jesus Op - this! Hopefully he’ll come to his senses but otherwise you need to be making plans to get away from this man. Hope you have family / friends who actually care about your welfare & that of your DC in real life.

This is horrible OP, at a time when you should be loved and supported, for your partner to let you down like this. He should be eagerly awaiting your lovely baby and the amazing miracle of new life, not pathetically off boozing and whatever else.

So glad your mum has your back and you will have someone to look after you. Wishing you all the best 💐

Edited for spelling

What problem? Your haven't quoted anyone.

I would judge any one of my husbands friends who did this, and my own husband if he didn’t tell his mate to stop being a dick and stay home. Are you the first in the friendship group to have a baby?

What a stupid thing to say. 2.5 hours is the flight length. He’ll have to find the next available flight (it’s August, flights are full, and don’t leave every 5 minute), travel to the airport, clear security, wait for the flight, land, clear passport control, travel from the airport to whatever hospital she’s in. And that’s assuming there are no delays. He’s not going to be home in 2.5 hours. Of all the stupid comments I’ve read on MN.

Both my babies were born at 38 weeks!
He sounds very immature. He needs to be responsible and not attend the stag. Do you have other support close by? He will regret not being there is the baby is born when he's away.

@Outside9 2.5 hour flight is a red herring though. Depends how far away from airport on either side they are, time waiting at either end in the airport. And flight time might differ from which airport you are flying from

Definitely too close.
btw I drove til I was in labour both time so you may be fine I that respect. I still wouldn’t want to drive myself to hospital in labour though!

A stat c section can be done in under 20".

He would have to get himself to the airport, fly if he's not too drunk, then clear customs, get his bags and transport to the hospital. That will take much longer 2 and a half hours. After days of drinking, he'll be trashed, not able to support his pregnant or birthing wife.

She needs someone there in case of something happening at home or even just going into labour. She's already under stress because this immature asshole thinks she's ruining his life and is going on a days long drinking party in a foreign country when he should be helping her prepare for an imminent birth.

OP your husband is showing his true colours here.
You're not important to him.

That's very distressing to realise, especially when you're heavily pregnant.

I'm very angry, on your behalf, that this man has decided to go away to another country at a time when you need him most of all.

Seriously, how fucking dare he!

MESSAGE FOR OP's husband:

I AGREE WITH THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SAYING THAT YOU'RE A COMPLETE CUNT.

He rather be at a piss up with his mates Ibiza and risk missing the birth of his first child with you. Even if he stays home it doesn't change the fact that he had something better to do.

If he does read this is hope this puts things into perspective a bit, i was in London my DH was worth his friend in Scotland for the weekend, he called me to say goodnight and I didn't answer he got someone round to the house and they found me on the floor, they called an ambulance and I got rushed to hospital, my husband tried to get home but their was no train that time of night and he couldn't get on a plane, he even tried hiring a car but he didn't have his driving licence on him, he had the most awful 7 hours as he was just stuck and only a few hundred miles away, first thing he went to the airport and the first flight he could get on was at 11am and it cost him over £400, he could of got another flight at 2pm for £75, i had suffered a stroke and luckily it was a minor one but when he got to the hospital I had never seen him lol so bad he had obviously been sobbing as his eyes were red and puffy and looking at him almost killed me. Imagine if he was abroad.....
He didn't know I was going to have a stroke but the ops partner knows their is a baby due at any time.

Sending you huge hugs. Whatever happens you will find a way through things. I’m glad you’ve got your mum coming down and other friends to support you. Just to add, I found the first few years hard- sleep deprivation does not bring out the best in people and you need to be on the same page and support each other to get through the tough times. Wishing you all the best xxx

@Outside9 , your post is offensive.

If you needed to get home from Ibiza you'd need to be sober enoigh to get to the airport, book a flight, catch the flight, fly, get through the airport, get to the hospital.

@Featureso I can relate to how you feel, both of you actually. My DH had booked to go to the opening ceremony of the Euros knowing when I was 8 weeks pregnant, knowing that I would be 35 weeks.

I was so angry with him for this but he seen it as a ‘last hurrah’ before the responsibilities of fatherhood. I came round to the idea in the end.

Anyway, he didn’t get to go in the end as due to some complications I ended up being admitted to hospital at 32 weeks and our came early at 35 weeks (the day he was due to travel!).