To tell my DH he can’t go to a stag do in Ibiza when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant?

[Featureso]

DH’s best mate is getting married and the stag do is a 4 day trip to Ibiza. It just so happens to fall when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant with our first baby.

He says I’m being controlling and paranoid because “first babies never come on time” and apparently all his mates’ wives were “fine” with it. I get that it’s his best friend and he doesn’t want to miss out, but I’ll be the size of a house, unable to drive, potentially going into labour while he’s off drinking god knows what on a boat.

I said I’d feel more comfortable if he stayed in the country at least, but he says I’m trying to ruin his life. He’s 34 by the way, not 21.

I’m trying to be fair and not unreasonable but I feel completely abandoned at such a critical time. If something did happen early and he missed the birth I honestly don’t know if I’d forgive him.

AIBU to say no? Or should I just let him go and hope the baby doesn’t come early like he says?

Is he a bit thick? Does he know that the due date is not actually the date when babies are usually born? It's just an estimate and only around 5% of babies are born on the due date. Anything over 37 weeks is classed as full term so realistically the baby could come anytime from 37 weeks and still be considered full term, and that's not even considering babies born prematurely which obviously happens quite a lot (I was a 29-weeker myself).

Tbh even if it's a case of him just being monumentally thick rather than selfish and heartless then that would give me the ick too and would make me reconsider the relationship.

Your updates make me want to cry OP. God you poor thing. so sorry. If you lived near me I'd definitely come and help you. 💐

The reason why you have so much support is because most of us have been there, this is your first baby - it is HUGE deal, and he doesn’t sound emotionally ready or mature enough to understand the gravity of what you are facing. The seismic changes that are coming, and potentially missing the birth of his baby for a shitty stag do is UNFORGIVABLE.

I would be reassessing the whole marriage in your position. I would be question whether he can be relied on at all in the future. Make decisions based on the possibility that he could be a huge disappointment.

I am glad your mother is on her way.

I would leave him to make the decision, but even if the baby doesn’t come op and he doesn’t go - he really needs to step the hell up! Stop being such a child, and realise some things are far more important than the lads.

At 34 he shows the maturity of a 10 year old and that is being disrespectful to 10 year old.

My first was born only a day early, but I only had a four hour labour. No warning signs, nothing. A few years back I was supposed to go to a gig with a male friend. It was booked waaay in advance, but he ended up having to cancel when he realised his wife was pregnant. She was only 18 weeks on the date of the gig, but their first child had been extremely premature, so was having lots of extra monitoring. She was massively apologetic, feeling like she was ruining people's fun, but I honestly didn't mind - I was actually immensely proud of my mate for putting his wife first.

Your other half is pretty despicable for suddenly wanting to leave the country when you could potentially give birth at any point, and even worse for making you feel that you're being unreasonable for saying that you're uncomfortable with it.

What a fucking deadbeat - fingers crossed it's a temporary panicked wobble, and not a sign of things to come.

My contractions got to a minute apart when DH was driving me the 30 miles to hospital. Not sure I would have been safe driving at that point! That is also something to bear in mind for those posters saying first labours can take hours, they don’t always and can progress quite quickly!

I would honestly say if you choose a stag of all things over your firstborn - don’t bother coming home. I would mean every God damn word too.
This is not a joke.

My dh went abroad for a work thing when I was 37 weeks. He got back and I went into labour the next day, at 38 weeks. First baby. Take nothing for granted, op's dp!

First babies may be sometimes late; I had to be induced as my son was way too comfortable. However, I was born premature at 29 weeks and it's not unheard of for first babies to come from 36 weeks onwards. All pregnancies are different, as are births. Neither one of you knows what will happen. At 38 weeks, I think that's way too close to your due date. Your husband is about to be a Dad, he needs to prioritise you and his unborn child, not a stag do on Ibiza. If he thinks you're ruining his life, then he seriously needs to grow the fuck up. What will be do if your child is born early???? Still disappear off to Ibiza, leaving you with a 1-2 week old baby?????

Honestly I would just let him go at this point. However it would be good if a friend could stay with you or vice versa. I know someone who went on a similar trip (not even a stag, just a chance to do his hobby before the birth) but she had family close by.

I would let him a go ad he'll be bitter and it's already booked.

It's time for him to grow up, be responsible and realise where his priorities lie...and that's not just with you but with your baby too. This is far too late to be leaving you at such a vulnerable stage. This really should not be a hard decision for a responsible husband and father to be.

Lots of people rightly calling him selfish, and he is, but he is also not being RESPONSIBLE. He has a heavily pregnant wife who needs his support now as well as at the birth, but he is not giving it. Having a child and being a family is a partnership not something solely for her. What kind of "man" does this? You can do better OP. Let him make his own decision, and you will make yours. 🌷

You ca not be serious? You sound defeated, so maybe life has been awful for you - but OP’s life is just starting and her baby will soon be here, this will make or beak their relationship for sure. What if the labour goes wrong? Or there are complications? It is unthinkable that he wouldn’t be there with them. Wtah! You only get one chance at this - it is a once in a life time moment!

This won't actually help you but I think the reason he's so angry and shouting about ruining his life etc is because he's defensive. He is 100% aware that this is not okay. I bet there have even been comments on the group whatsapp while talking about (which could be obnoxious comments from other men about the "ball and chain" or "better not tell wifey in case she scuppers your plans", to incredulous ones from men who know perfectly well it's not okay "are you absolutely sure this is a good idea?")

So he's defensive and lashing out and is resentful and entitled to boot.

There's no point in going for just one night, and "being on standby" is pointless as it could take hours to get home, and that's assuming there are available flights.

I couldn’t drive after about 35 weeks either, I couldn’t reach the pedals once I had had to shift the seat back so my bump wasn’t touching the steering wheel 😂

Oh dear.

You married a man child.

Dobt spend the way of your life accepting emotional crumbs from him.

What kind of friends does he have? Who would ever think this is okay. I am sure they are quietly horrified even if they don't say so openly, and joke along.

I could never support a friend to do this, and would worry about their character and judgement.

My first baby arrived at 35+6 and he's a boy so well known for being late/lazy. I was booked in for an induction but it wasn't required as he came early. We were on tenterhooks from 32 weeks due to a misdiagnosis. From that point on to DS birth hubby only left my side to go to work.

37 weeks is considered full term. My son was born at 37+ 5. My waters broke in the morning, contractions started at 4pm and he was born at 10.30pm. He was my first (and only). Not all babies arrive on their due date and not all first deliveries are slow. It doesn’t matter what happened with his friends wives and babies - we are not all the same.

Your husband is a twat for considering going let alone for telling you that you are ruining his life when you asked him not to! He shouldn’t even want to go. I am so sorry OP 💐

You couldn't have dragged my DH from my side. He was with me and watching me like a hawk from about 30 weeks onwards. That was a lot of watching in the end, as DS1 finally came ten days after due date.

As pps have pointed out, your husband should not even be in the least bit tempted to leave you. I don't understand it.

It’s his choice to make and he’s made it. If he genuinely thought it was an okay idea, he’d have told the OP before booking it. If he stays, he’ll probably sulk like a child and make her feel miserable/guilty. Now’s as good a time as any to get used to him not being around when she needs him.

I’m so sorry he’s treating you like this OP, what a bellend.

im just wondering why you won’t be able to drive? Do you have other issues like SPD? If not, you might be ok with driving, I was driving up to the day before I had both of mine (40 weeks) without an issue so hopefully it would be the same for you

He sounds awful @Featureso. Even if nothing happens while he’s gone I remember feeling so vulnerable at this point in pregnancy (with the two that I made it this far with, the other two were born at 31 weeks).
He’s being really selfish and disrespectful. He’s putting himself and his friends before you and his baby. Unfortunately he’s showing you who he is going to be as a father.
I’m glad that your mum is going to be with you.