To tell my DH he can’t go to a stag do in Ibiza when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant?

[Featureso]

DH’s best mate is getting married and the stag do is a 4 day trip to Ibiza. It just so happens to fall when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant with our first baby.

He says I’m being controlling and paranoid because “first babies never come on time” and apparently all his mates’ wives were “fine” with it. I get that it’s his best friend and he doesn’t want to miss out, but I’ll be the size of a house, unable to drive, potentially going into labour while he’s off drinking god knows what on a boat.

I said I’d feel more comfortable if he stayed in the country at least, but he says I’m trying to ruin his life. He’s 34 by the way, not 21.

I’m trying to be fair and not unreasonable but I feel completely abandoned at such a critical time. If something did happen early and he missed the birth I honestly don’t know if I’d forgive him.

AIBU to say no? Or should I just let him go and hope the baby doesn’t come early like he says?

Misses the point, but why will you be unable to drive? I drove until the day I gave birth with all of mine. One I even drove when labour just started, I had something I needed and thought I could quickly nip down and get back in good time, which I did😁. Plus, sometimes you can be in pre-labour for several days, had that with two and drove during that time as otherwise wouldn’t have got stuff done (just put plastic under you in case water breaks).

YANBU - 37 and 32 weeks here so noway should he be going. He can’t potentially miss the birth of his first child over his best mates stag doo! Perhaps a 1 nighter in this country but even then I’d need a relative on standby to pick him up if necessary.

Driving was much easier for my friend who is 5'8 than it was for me at 5 foot nothing!

I was going to say that him being a weekend away for your best friend stag do is not the end of the world with you being 38 weeks pregnant. Then I read the updates and I agree with most he is a selfish child.

I’m so sorry OP. He sounds really immature and it doesn’t bode well for how he’ll step up with a baby. Children are relentless in the first few years- please don’t become the default parent. I think he’s either in for a shock and steps up, or he’ll check out.

34/35 weeks? on the fence, I let DH go to glastonbury when I was 34, neither of us was particularly happy with it but he promised to come straight back if any issues

38? no way.

OP's husband, If you're reading this, YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE CUNT TO EVEN CONSIDER GOING.

My friend recently went into labour 4 weeks early, first baby. You are not unreasonable. He is being very selfish.

I couldn't drive after 37 weeks. My feet couldn't reach the pedals because I had to sit so far back from the steering wheel!

Just to reiterate, please read the above ⬆️

I honestly can’t believe how many of you have taken the time to respond - thank you. I’ve been sitting here reading all of this with a mix of relief (to not feel totally alone) and heartbreak.

Yes, he did actually say I was trying to “ruin his life” when I pushed back on him going - I didn’t even want to put that in the first post because I felt too ashamed, but I might as well be honest now. It really hurt. And I think that’s what’s been bubbling under all of this. It’s not just the timing - it’s the fact he wants to go and seems to think I’m the one being unreasonable.

And no, this wasn’t booked months ago - he only told me earlier this week. So not even like it was some long-standing commitment he couldn’t get out of. Just a spur-of-the-moment Ibiza lads trip, and I’m supposed to be fine with it. He framed it like it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing - but I honestly can’t see how it trumps being here for your heavily pregnant partner.

I’ve spoken to my mum and she’s coming down tomorrow. She drives, thankfully. It was hard to admit to her what’s going on, but she was lovely about it. Quietly angry on my behalf, I think. I’m also sorting a backup friend just in case - someone local who can be on standby.

Trying really hard to stay calm and not spiral. I haven’t said anything else to him today - I needed a bit of headspace. I’m not going to beg him not to go - he needs to make his own decision. But if he chooses to leave me at 38 weeks, I’ll know where I stand.

Thanks again to all of you. It’s been oddly comforting reading your stories - even the ones that made me cry.

That’s weird. I had one where I had severe polyhydramnios and was literally the size of a whale, plus am 5’ nothing (literally) and never had that problem!

OP I know it is really hard, but if you don’t set the tone now before the baby is born, this will only get worse after the baby arrives. You are both a team now, he is not a carefree single man who can do whatever he wants to do, he’s going to be a father and he is your husband and he needs to step up. You are perfectly within your right to issue him an ultimatum on this, it’s incredibly important that ground rules are set before the baby arrives so he doesn’t try and pull something like this whilst you are postpartum.

The "ruining his life " comment is very telling. I fear really he will get a huge shock of the reality of having a newborn baby and I hope he doesn't start to say the baby has ruined his life.

with respect op,he is a loser, a tosser and an idiot.

Tbh anything after 28 weeks ish, I'd feel uncomfortable with!
My first came at 32 weeks so perhaps my view is tainted but even so, lots of things can and do happen in pregnancy which is completely unforeseen. It's one holiday, he will be fine.

His mates if married sound like idiots and so is he

We are all here with you, OP. As you pack your hospital bag, think of all the love and care and support that we mums are all sending to you and your baby today. You're not in the slightest bit crazy x

Just to put it in perspective, I asked my 18 and 20 year old sons if they thought it was a good idea for your dh to go and they said that is ridiculous

Yes it doesn't bode well does it.

Good luck op .

How do they feel about arranged marriages? Coz I could hook ‘em up, lol.

Basically the baby is going to “ruin his life”?

"Why can't you drive?"
What? To the hospital when you are in labour?!

I gave birth 12 days after my due date, and yes, I was driving around before then. I was not in a fit state to drive (physically or mentally) when I was being driven to the hospital by DH. Contractions can be quite distracting you know.

That's without any other symptoms that women may experience, e.g. nausea, dizziness etc - some of them normal, some linked to complications.

lol if he thinks you’re “running his life” by asking him not to go on a 4 day bender when you’re term pregnant with your first child together then I am afraid you have married an immature loser. Unless he changed his tune pronto for me this would alter how I saw my husband forever and frankly I’m not sure I could ever bring myself to sleep with such a manbaby.

I'm really sorry your husband showed his ass at the worst time but now you know you can't count on him when things come to crunch time.

I'm glad your mom drives and you have someone local that might be able to give you a hand.

Pack your bag and put your feet up and try to destress as much as you can in this situation. Stress can impact you right now so try to relax. Right now, your husband is unimportant. He's not there for you so just put him out of your mind if you can.