Backlash after DP proposed on pre-Wedding holiday

[Westendgoer]

I got engaged last month - DP proposed whilst we were on holiday prior to my friends Wedding. The holiday was in the same resort, but we went over a week before the wedding date as it was somewhere we’d always wanted to visit so made sense to combine the two.

I have had comments made by a couple of friends - not the bride - that this was a bit out of order and could have over shadowed the Wedding. I haven’t relayed to my DP, I don’t want it to taint the experience and personally I don’t see the issue with him proposing in the circumstances.

Do you agree with me that my friends have overreacted?

It isn’t really on to announce your engagement at someone else’s party. You seem to think ‘announce’ means you stood on a chair with a megaphone. Telling people is enough. would have been so much more romantic and classier to keep it as your little secret.

just because some people think your friends are ‘shit stirring’ doesn’t mean you are vindicated. Just obviously a lot of people walking around with terrible social skills, who would happily use someone’s wedding as an engagement party.

no skin in this game- no bridezilla here. I got married in jeans in a registry office.

But it was also their holiday as they were there early.

Cost-cutting? What money is he saving?

A proposal doesn't have to be a big instagrammable occasion to be meaningful. I was proposed to during a break in an episode of Come Dine With Me 😂. Didn't make it lacklustre.

Congratulations on your engagement. I'm astonished at a "lazy" proposal. ! Not everything has to be an Instagramable event.

It's fine. An abroad holiday is a massive expense these days, if people expect you to go abroad for a wedding then they need to understand it is likely your family holiday too.

Stealing thunder is such a load of bollocks! All eyes on the bride and groom at the ceremony and during speeches, of course. But the rest of it is a family and friends' get-together to celebrate the marriage. I'd be happy for my friend if I was the bride, and I heard about it. I'd think my wedding had made someone come over all romantic and want to propose.
Congratulations @Westendgoer 🥂

I don’t really get why people propose on holidays to start with though. A rainy Tuesday at home is a far better time to have your day completely transformed for the better by a proposal. You’re already having a good time on holiday! Also the former is more reflective of your actual future married life.

It’s a thing. Now destination weddings are not just the wedding, nor the 3 day event which they have become. I have recently learnt that they also claim ownership of any extended holiday which a guest may hitch on.

So YANBU. But the entitlement rolls on. And apparently it is a thing.

I'd be really happy for you if I was bride and you were my friend. I do not some people can be precious about things like that though so if I was you, I wouldn't have announced the engagement until after the wedding. I'd probably use the excuse that I wanted family back home to know first and wanted to tell them face to face.

@sciaticafanatica and @HenDoNot
Good heavens what is all this " lazy proposal" nonsense ?
The guy proposed and OP accepted and they are both happy. That's what is important.
So long as he didn't do it at the wedding itself what is the problem?

@Timetodownsizeits not about it being “ instagramable “ it’s about the meaning of the gesture!
he has but no thought into it other than it’s acceptable to propose just before someone else has their wedding.
its piss poor and lazy

Yeah. 'Shall we get married' is a proposal. It's about the relationship going forward, not a circus for Instagram.

How long before and after the wedding would you deem acceptable?

@Tiredofmebecause he obviously just had no original , meaningful thought other than to piggyback onto someone else’s celebration.
lazy and lacklustre

Tell them to bore off. We went to a wedding in Rome and TWO of the couples attending got engaged in the days beforehand, because Rome is pretty romantic place. The Bride & Groom were nothing but thrilled for them. Three times the celebration of love!

@Connectionsconundrumat any point that wasn’t about someone else’s planned celebration.

When did you announce it on insta (if you did)?

I can't get my head round this concept at all.

They were on holiday, he proposed. Maybe it was in a romantic location, maybe it was just in their hotel room. All perfectly pleasant. Just as it would have been if he did it spontaneously on a wet Wednesday in Sainsbury's car-park or on a different holiday 3 months later.

Such a weird value judgement you are putting on him proposing on the wrong type of holiday.

Exactly. A beautiful way of putting it 💕

YAB a bit unreasonable. Not so much for the proposal but telling everyone before the wedding. I think it would have been kinder to wait until you are all back home to announce it.

@CheeseWiselyimagine having to do it during someone else’s planned celebration because it’s to much effort to plan a holiday … lazy

So according to you it does have to be on a holiday to not be lacklustre? How odd.

It doesn't matter.

If someone got engaged at my destination wedding prior to the event I’d announce it at the speeches and get everyone to clap for them! God, weddings are about celebrating love! I married my exh on a friend’s birthday, we sang happy birthday to her at the reception and I had them bring her out a little cupcake with a candle to blow out to thank her for spending her birthday celebrating our marriage with us 🥰

My friend got engaged at my wedding reception. I was over the moon for them. And privileged my special day was part of their special time.

You’ve done nothing wrong, OP. These people are knobs.

@DappledThingsno it could be anywhere that’s an original thought… not just piggybacking onto someone else’s occasion.
thats just lazy , lacklustre and totally crap