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Original poster

It's not "passed" or "passed away", it's "died"

473 replies

SherlockHolmes · 31/07/2025 19:32

So sick of this euphemism being used everywhere. It's not factual - no one has passed anywhere, they're dead.

I get it if it's someone close to you and you can't bring yourself to actually mention death, but it's being used in news reports etc. Utterly ridiculous.

OP posts:
CatLoco · 02/08/2025 17:19

Absolutely! My Son died 3 years ago but sometimes I say passed away. It's my choice and a tad disrespectful to mock how some people choose to describe a truly awful event.

poppy48 · 02/08/2025 17:22

I worked in healthcare and we always said passed peacefully away. Nobody ever complained..

poppy48 · 02/08/2025 17:23

If you think about it they do pass. They pass away from this world.

gelnailsfirst · 02/08/2025 17:23

In the first year after a traumatic bereavement, I really struggled to say the word ‘died’. It felt too final and I wasn’t yet able to accept that. A few years on, I’m comfortable saying it. I’ve accepted it and made peace with what happened.

I don’t think anyone else should really ‘police’ my use of language in this regard.

poppy48 · 02/08/2025 17:26

I think quite often people do find the words died too hard to say . As time goes on people may be able to say died. Each person is entitled to say what's easiest for them.

Rosscameasdoody · 02/08/2025 17:27

ItsStillWork · 02/08/2025 06:37

When I worked in the care sector (over 15 years ago) I went on a course called “death and dying” and it was about the process people go through when someone has died.

the trainer was very big on when someone is being told their loved one has died, it’s the words you use that affects how the brain processes what’s been said.

so we were told never to use words like

  • gone to heaven
  • passed away
  • gone to be with (insert another dead relatives name)
  • gone on to another life

etc etc..

we say (insert name) has died. They have died.

using words like passed away, gone to heaven etc stops the brain from processing that that person has died and therefore the person doesn’t accept that their loved one has died.

gone to heaven, gone to sleep etc processes in your brain that they’re still around and they haven’t actually died. People who use these terms take much longer to accept and process death.

And yet when my stepdad died a couple of years ago the paramedics and on call doctor who were working on him, came to tell us that despite their efforts he had passed away.

Notanartist81 · 02/08/2025 17:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Rosscameasdoody · 02/08/2025 17:29

gelnailsfirst · 02/08/2025 17:23

In the first year after a traumatic bereavement, I really struggled to say the word ‘died’. It felt too final and I wasn’t yet able to accept that. A few years on, I’m comfortable saying it. I’ve accepted it and made peace with what happened.

I don’t think anyone else should really ‘police’ my use of language in this regard.

This. I was the same when my DH died. I just couldn’t think of him as dead, so couldn’t use the words. I used the phrase passed or passed away until I could come to terms with it. If anyone had tried to police my language around this at the time they would have been shown the door. It’s disrespectful and dispassionate at a time when compassion and respect are all.

Rosscameasdoody · 02/08/2025 17:34

musicismath · 02/08/2025 09:20

You're saying that like it's true for everybody, but it isn't. I understand the reasoning, but imo it's a bit like insisting everyone needs to look at the dead body to properly accept death has occurred - again, true for some people but not the sort of universal truth it's made out to be.

Show quote history

When my DH died I specified with the funeral home that there would be no viewings - it’s not what he wanted and he was quite vocal about it, and to be honest the thought of people traipsing in and out gawping at him in his coffin distressed me. I wanted his wishes followed and him to be left in peace.

His close family were all with him when he died in hospital but while we were waiting for the funeral I had to deal with a few other family members who were insistent that they needed to go to the funeral home to see him in order to process the fact that he’d gone. These were relatives who we hadn’t seen in quite some time and I wouldn’t describe as close. I refused, to the point where a couple of them haven’t spoken to me since. Their loss.

Rosscameasdoody · 02/08/2025 17:36

Sharptonguedwoman · 01/08/2025 09:44

According to some, 'died' is a much clearer word to use, especially around children who don't understand euphemisms. 'We've lost grandad' where, where did you lose him? Grandad passed- what, a lorry? How fast was grandad going.
Died is clear and simple and comprehendible.

Show quote history

So is passed, lost or passed away if you explain it properly.

Rosscameasdoody · 02/08/2025 17:41

Internaut · 31/07/2025 23:03

I agree with you, OP. Ditto "went to sleep" and other euphemisms. If someone says to me that someone has passed away, unless they.are likely to be upset by it I try to say something like "I'm sorry to hear of his death" or "When did he die?"

Why would you do that ? They are using the terminology they find most appropriate to cope at a difficult and painful time. Why on earth would you risk distressing them because you want to make it all about you ?

UrbanOasis · 02/08/2025 17:42

poppy48 · 02/08/2025 17:22

I worked in healthcare and we always said passed peacefully away. Nobody ever complained..

I would never complain but I wouldn't like it

HopingForTheBest25 · 02/08/2025 17:53

'Passed' sounds like the expulsion of a bodily product!
I quite like 'unalived' - it kade me smile at the silliness of it, though I would never use it. Death is brutal and final and I would prefer to acknowledge the reality of it, although I see why people prefer softness.

BeCalmHelper · 02/08/2025 18:16

I have worked with EOL patients and it really depends on the individual and family.

In my experience the patient/person is the most honest and thinks they are protecting other people.

I have had many privilegded conversations with people who are in the last journey on this earth.

Clawdy · 02/08/2025 18:23

A little boy my sister taught years ago was terrified of playing out in the playground, and confided in her that he was scared of getting lost. When she spoke to his mum, they realised what the problem was. His mum had always used the phrase "We lost our first little boy", ( their first baby had died.) The poor little boy had assumed his brother had just been lost somewhere! His mum did sort it, though.

Markovenchip · 02/08/2025 18:34

I've always said 'crossed the great divide ', I'm old fashioned like that, a radio is a wireless to me....

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/08/2025 19:02

Rosscameasdoody · 02/08/2025 17:36

So is passed, lost or passed away if you explain it properly.

Show quote history

Each to their own but why not just say that the person has died instead of pussyfooting around.

HevenlyMeS · 02/08/2025 19:16

Yes, completely concur with you
I much prefer, when folk respectfully say "'When your Beloved Mum passed away"' as opposed to if someone should put it "'When your Beloved Mum died"' The former's much more respectful, softer & compassionate
Also, I don't expect everyone to agree with me but I personally, do believe She's passed to a better place
She's in Heaven 💚🌼💚

HevenlyMeS · 02/08/2025 19:17

God Bless You & Yours

HevenlyMeS · 02/08/2025 19:18

Totally agree & completely comprehend why no one would oppose
Much kinder term💚

Themomentsheknewshefkedup · 02/08/2025 19:19

This is a huge over reaction. People use the term because it’s more sensitive

Letmehaveabloodyusernameplease · 02/08/2025 20:10

I see no problem with it.

MyTwinklyPanda · 02/08/2025 20:15

TimetoGetUpNow · 31/07/2025 19:35

Even worse is ‘unalived’

O absolutely hate that term and I worked in the field of death for years.

Himan · 02/08/2025 20:16

They pass to heaven or hell. thats why they use it

Rosscameasdoody · 02/08/2025 20:21

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/08/2025 19:02

Each to their own but why not just say that the person has died instead of pussyfooting around.

Edited
Show quote history

It’s called being sensitive and reading the situation ?

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