It's not "passed" or "passed away", it's "died"

[SherlockHolmes]

So sick of this euphemism being used everywhere. It's not factual - no one has passed anywhere, they're dead.

I get it if it's someone close to you and you can't bring yourself to actually mention death, but it's being used in news reports etc. Utterly ridiculous.

According to some, 'died' is a much clearer word to use, especially around children who don't understand euphemisms. 'We've lost grandad' where, where did you lose him? Grandad passed- what, a lorry? How fast was grandad going.
Died is clear and simple and comprehendible.

Yes, I completely agree. I'm sure the 'but it's just a fact' crowd will have something to say about it, but to me, 'has died' is far more respectful than 'is dead'. I think the same when people start threads on here following the death of a celebrity - my personal interpretation would be:

"[Much-loved national treasure] has died" = how very sad.
"[Vile infamous criminal] is dead" = good riddance.

Not always, though, depending on the age of the child.

Under a certain age, many children simply cannot comprehend the concept that 'somebody has died' means that you will never see them again.

You can spell it out to them very clearly and unequivocally and, a week or two later, they will still ask when you can go and see Grandma and show her their exciting new toy or whatever.

I dislike both, and would never use them, but can accept that some people find the ‘D’ word too stark.

As a child I really disliked ‘dead’ - it conjured up the idea of someone whose head had been cut off. But only as regarded people - e.g. a dead bird was somehow all right.

I think young children understand what those terms mean just as much as they understand the concept of death.

I think the real question is why does it bother you so much?

I think this might be used because algorithms have a problem (of some sort not understood by me) with 'died' or 'dead'. See also people talking about grape or corn (rape or porn. And they write it 'rpe or prn for a similar reason.

Can't bear this expression either. I always think of passing wind.

But presumably they'll have updated the algorithm by now? So does it make any difference any more?

I always thought 'unalived' was for social media people not to have their posts about murder shadow banned. Like they say grape instead or rape

I'm sure you're right with younger children. I was working on the wisdom of Gary Andrews, an artist whose wife did when their children were primary school age. He's done lots of work with grief support.

I was working on the wisdom of Gary Andrews, an artist whose wife did when their children were primary school age. He's done lots of work with grief support.

It’s not anything to do with triggering, it’s because some social media will block posts with language surrounding murder/suicide/purposeful death.

My father passed away a year ago. I’ll use whatever phrase I want to to describe his death, thanks. It’s precisely none of your business.

So you would hear someone use the term that was easiest and least painful for them, at a very painful time, and then deliberately use a term they might find painful, @Internaut?

I really do NOT understand why people think they have the right to dictate what words people use during a very sad and painful time in their lives. By all means, have an opinion on the phrasing YOU prefer, but please, for the love of all that is good, stop trying to dictate what words other people use!

Why can't they use the phrase they find the least difficult and painful??

I agree. If people find it too hard to say 'died' I don't hold that against them.

How arrogant. Why would you do that?

Totally agree OP;
I have never forgotten when my DM called me to tell me that my DF had 'gone'.
My answer? 'Gone where?'
Obviously, I forgive my late DM, as it was a shock, and I am guessing she could not bring herself to say 'died', but I wish people would just say it as it is. I think the term 'Passed' has come mainly from the US.

why do you even care?

Just this very moment sent a message to someone we may meet up with on holiday, I've not seen them this year, and because i cant assume they saw fb i included the line "by the way, mum's not here (on the holiday), she passed away in July, just so you don't ask me how/ where she is if meet up later"

if it was up to you I should have just said

my mums dead so don't mention it.

why are you even bothered if the message is softened, either for the sender or recipient? it makes not an iota of impact to your life.

I was a child when my sibling died and definitely would not have understood 'gone/passed away/Jesus wanted them for a sunbeam' or any other such euphemism. I remember my parents saying 'died' and I do agree that for children, people with learning disabilities, etc it is appropriate to use direct language. The concept of death and its finality is very difficult for a lot of children to grasp anyway - no point making it even harder.

In other circumstances, it's simply a question of personal choice and I couldn't get worked up about one adult saying to another adult that someone has 'passed away' or 'gone'.

Think I used the word 'gone' to tell my father that his ex wife (my mum) had dropped dead without warning. My father is an arse in many, many ways but even he managed to resist the urge to correct me or say 'Gone WHERE??'. Apart from anything else, my very flat and emotionless tone would have signalled something being wrong.

Apparently not.

'Unalive' and 'grape' were still going strong last time I was on TT (last week).

Oh, I see them being used. I just wonder if it's still doing what people think it's doing.

The only acceptable alternative, IMO, is the Salvation Army's "Promoted to Glory".

That aside, I totally agree with you OP.

I don't think @Internaut WAS saying she would try to dictate what terms bereaved people use to describe their loved one's death. Rather that there is a limit to the degree to which she will match her language to theirs. She didn't say she would correct the person or deliberately misunderstand them, just that she would not use the term 'passed away' herself even if they did. She did say she wouldn't use 'died' if she thought it would cause distress.

I am totally supportive of people using whatever euphemisms they see fit and I would always try to use non-painful terms.

However, I also think there probably IS a limit to how much I would adjust my language to match the other person's. I don't think I could say 'went to sleep' or 'went to be with Jesus'. So I would probably use another euphemism, such as 'lost', 'gone', 'passed away'.

I presume they ARE fooling the filters, if the videos are still getting through.

The grape one is so ridiculous, especially when discussing a serious topic.