It's not "passed" or "passed away", it's "died"

[SherlockHolmes]

So sick of this euphemism being used everywhere. It's not factual - no one has passed anywhere, they're dead.

I get it if it's someone close to you and you can't bring yourself to actually mention death, but it's being used in news reports etc. Utterly ridiculous.

Totally agree with this , how does it really affect you if people say passed away instead of died , everybody knows what you mean . When I was a nurse and had to call someone at 4am to give bad news ‘passed away peacefully ‘ sounded much better than waking someone up and saying ‘he’s died’ .

I very much prefer the word died, and it's the only word I've ever used about my husband's death.

But I don't expect other people to be me. A lot of people find the word difficult, and in their grief feel much more comfortable with a euphemism. That's absolutely their right and it's not for any of us to judge them for it.

If I'm giving my condolences to someone that I don't know well, or who I feel is likely to be uncomfortable with straight talking, I will avoid the word until I've got a handle on the language that suits them. I initially go with something along the lines of "I was so very sorry to hear the sad news about Derek". As the conversation progresses the bereaved usually says the word or phrase that they're comfortable with, and from then on, I use that. Because it's not about me

Unless I’ve missed something I don’t think the OP is saying bereaved people can’t use whatever term they feel comfortable with, but that euphemisms in news reports aren’t that helpful.

Still, never let facts get in the way of a good bit of misplaced righteous outrage on Mumsnet, eh?

Yes but op wasn't taking about how you should explain it to a child was she, she just dislikes the term passed away and that's fine we all have expressions we don't like but each person will describe it in a way they feel comfortable with.

I'm not sure why you would have a problem with this. I use the term passed away. I think it is much gentler particularly when talking about children. Died is very harsh sounding and clinical.

I generally agree about clear language, so I don't like 'passed away' instead of 'died'. However 'passed on' can be useful, both gentle and accurate, for people who hold a concept of the soul which lives on. It's a phrase which captures a moment of transition.

Besides, we can all be contradictory and quixotic, especially at times of great upheaval. I am very matter-of-fact about death being the end, the body just a husk to be composted or burned. Yet I also found great beauty and solace in sitting vigil with the body of my late beloved; it gave me time to absorb that he was in fact gone, the essence of him no longer there. And I would always follow the old ways of my people and open a window for the soul to fly free, irrespective of any rational beliefs; it would feel very wrong not to.

I totally agree with you.
I hated it when people said that my beloved gran had 'passed away'. It made it sound peaceful and almost pleasant. It wasn't. She died in agony, over 5 days, no amount of palliative medicine helped her, and I sat in agony next to her, watching her suffer, trying to stop her pulling her wires out, the family were all snarling at each other and there was nothing bloody peaceful about it.
My gran died. She passed into the next life according to my beliefs yes, but she died.

When my parents died, the word died felt to final and too difficult, so I said they had passed away
Now plenty of years later, I'm able to say they died....
But if someone was recently bereaved I can't believe how anyone could take offence at how they prefer to describe it. Surely you're there to offer sympathy or condolences, not judge how they phrase that someone died! 😳

When the queen died my daughter was 5 and when we went to sign the book of condolences she asked why, I said 'she's went to heaven' she responded 'oh so she's died then?' So that was that covered.

Now as I said earlier she says oofed. But she can talk about dying etc like when my parents dog died.

Ooh, I might cause trouble here but I love the African use of 'late', like they're just around the corner!

I agree. Just let us grieve in our own way. So controlling.

You are criticizing the way a mother told you her daughter had died?

What the heck is wrong with people on here???

I think it sounds softer, passed away especially in the case of a child. I absolutely hate 'expired' sounds like a gone off Carton of milk.

I agree with you, OP. Ditto "went to sleep" and other euphemisms. If someone says to me that someone has passed away, unless they.are likely to be upset by it I try to say something like "I'm sorry to hear of his death" or "When did he die?"

I don't mind passed away, passed or died. I hate 'dead' though. As in 'he's been dead 2 years'

He died 2 years ago is much better in my opinion

Passed is very common and polite where I come from. I've lost loved ones and honestly, that was the kindest to hear.

However, everyone is different and will have words that grate on them for the simply fact that grief is awful and we displace our anger on little things (semantics for example).

I was livid with a woman who showed up to my mom's funeral who acted like they'd been friends forever, when they'd only ever met 6 months prior at a cancer group. I hated this woman cause she lived and my mom didn't. I was rude to her and turned my back on her in the middle of her giving me condolences.

That's the thing, there's no 'right way' to deal w/ death. We all do it badly or find things in it that are annoying.

Unalived is obnoxious as fuck, however.

Before my lovely mum died a few months ago I would have agreed but at the moment I just can’t say the word, died. I can write it but not say it out loud.

You can use whatever term you wish, but leave others do the same. Bereaved people don't give a toss what you or anyone else thinks about the way they describe their loved ones passing.

Totally agree. Whenever I see or hear it,I always think 'Passed? What? Their driving test? An exam?'.

And they're not "dead" to those of us who loved them. We feel them near us (and I am not talking about ghosts). In our minds, our hearts, our very DNA.

Hardly worth getting that wound up about. Before you know you’ll have passed away from the stress of it all.

I prefer to think of it as metaphoric rather than euphemistic.

But the OP isn't doing that. They're talking about NEWS REPORTS!

I think context is everything. Personally in conversation I use 'died' about my parents, or if it's very by the by to someone I don't know, I'll say 'no longer with us'. To my teenagers I will say, 'X stayed with us the year before he died'. But I don't mind if other people use 'passed away' in conversation. And I do say to newly bereaved people 'sorry for your loss' - because to me, when my mother died, it felt like a truly awful sense of loss.

But I do really hate reading 'passed away', or - even worse - just 'passed' in journalism. It does imply a belief in souls or the afterlife (otherwise, where have they 'passed' to?).
It's on a par with journalists calling someone 'mum of two' instead of 'mother of two' - especially if it's a serious crime report.

The post that was created on this last week got deleted. But I will say the same thing then that I say now: let people say with their comfortable with. It's not for you to decide what's right for other people to use.

Passed away certainly grates less than passed, but can we also add ‘lost’ to the unhelpful euphemisms around death?

I realise this is going to sound hypocritical, but when my husband died I definitely used ‘passed away’ in the first few months as the word ‘died’ was too difficult to say. It might even have been a couple of years before I could say he’d died without struggling. Even though if you’d asked me before he died I would have had no, just use died! I never used passed though; it just sounds twee, to me. But everyone is different.

I won’t stand for lost though, and I didn’t at the time. I haven’t lost him, I know exactly where he was / is. He’s just not alive.