It's not "passed" or "passed away", it's "died"

[SherlockHolmes]

So sick of this euphemism being used everywhere. It's not factual - no one has passed anywhere, they're dead.

I get it if it's someone close to you and you can't bring yourself to actually mention death, but it's being used in news reports etc. Utterly ridiculous.

There is just the state of being dead/passed away/unalive or whatever you want to call it. The words can change the meaning doesn’t. So what does it matter what people say to make themselves feel better - we all know what it means.

as for I have lost - well they have that is what has happened to them. The other person has died but that does mean we have lost them

How about a greaving person can call it what they want and you have respect for that. What a pointless post.

Yes this. Just let them be. It really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things and if it helps someone in the awful throes of early grief to use certain words, that’s absolutely fine by me.

Fair enough; but that very much wasn't the impression that you gave in your retelling of it.

OP How dare you tell people what to say about a death? What are you, the words police? Mind your own business.

I guess your crying with laughter emoji was just a typo then?

No she isn't. This was months after he had died and she was completely unaware. She thought my aunty meant she'd lost him at the party. She was horrified when she relaised

Obviously people can use the words they want to and we shouldn’t judge or police the language.
However I’m a young widow, my husband died when he was 50, I was 44 and I only ever say ‘died’ never ever use a euphemism. Really hate them.

But if it helps the grieving people to come to terms with their grief, what difference does it make to you?

If somebody told you in tears that their baby was "born sleeping", would you really sit there grimacing or actually correct them with strictly factual words?

OP you make this sound like it's a new thing. It's not. I'm in my 50s and have always said passed away, my father in his 80s has always said passed away. My grandparents also said it, they would have been 110 by now.

I supposed many cultures and religions view death as a transition — passing from this life into an afterlife, or into another form of existence. "Passed" reflects that belief.

Emotionally its softer, and not everyone is ready to deal with it so each to their own.

Passed can be moving from one state of being to another.
Like a pp, I couldn't bring myself to tell people my Mum was dying. I was fine saying it afterwards.

No. I thought it was funny.
For clarity it happened a long time after my uncle had died, it was a party we were at and the family friend (female) wasn't being a dick. She thought my aunty meant she lost him at the party and offered to help look for him! She the family friend realised she was mortified. She also said she'd never heard of anyone dying being described as lost.

It's whatever the bereaved feel comfortable with. For me I say ' I lost my sibling and both parents quite recently' or 'my bro and parents passed away'. Loss over a short number of years can't accommodate any other phrases. I can just about deal with 'the deceased' on documents.

It’s when people say it to me about my family that I have the issue.

This 👏
my dad passed away earlier this year and for me it doesn’t seem so final and upsetting to say.
I’ll say passed away until the time is right for me not to please other people and what they prefer to hear.

Expired !

I have just lost my dad to cancer. I have had other bereavements in recent years.
I will say what I like. I know these people have died. Depending on who I am talking to and how I feel myself I might say passed away or died.
What is it with the word police ? It is ironic to me that those who are pedantic about language think they are more intelligent or superior. When often they are boring snobby assholes. Quite frankly people should be able to use whatever language they like in relation to death and bereavement. Whatever gets people through.

I've got Stage 4 cancer and maybe! two years to go if I'm lucky, and if I heard any of my loved ones saying 'she passed away....' or, much worse, 'she passed.....' I'd be really pissed and cause a blight on their aspidistra, or something.

I won't be here to hear it though so they can say what they like, but hopefully they know I would have hated it!

Someone once said to me they’d lost their dog and I genuinely didn’t know if it had died or they had actually lost it. It took a few minutes of fairly empathetic but non specific comments until I worked out that it had sadly died. Bit awkward for a few moments.

I did respond after you clarified; although I agree with Carandache18 that your use of that emoji seems very strange indeed, in context.

You can usually tell clearly from somebody's tone and demeanour when they say whether they mean that somebody has died or has just wandered off, though, even if you aren't the sharpest. Unless he had dementia or was otherwise vulnerable, it's normally just very slightly annoying if an adult has temporarily left your side.

Absolutely agree with you @SherlockHolmes. I’ve taken part in bereavement training through my work and one of the most important parts of the breaking the news chat, especially for children, is that no euphemisms should be used.

How do you know it is non existent? Do you know everything?

That's unfortunate, my sympathies.

But I too could "pass away" fairly soon, and we all do in the end, wherever that may be on our time stream.

As an atheist and rational humanist, I'd be quite happy to know that my relatives said I "passed away", because I'd understand what they mean - that I'd gone forever.

Whereas many people who talk of "death" are religious people who regard "death" as a portal. In fact it's probably fair to say that most religions are death cults, and yet for some reason, shallow thinkers insist that words like "death" and "dying" are more realistic than simple descriptions like "passed away".

Depends who they are telling. There’s a lot of evidence that using euphemistic language when telling children about a death can cause a lot of damage. One early primary aged girl on the course I was on ended up at the GP after becoming a terrible sleeper and struggling at school due to sleep deprivation. Mum thought it was a grief reaction. Poor little thing was petrified to sleep because she’d been told Granny had “fallen asleep”, then Granny was never seen again.