To feel sad that non of adult siblings got our baby a card

[Fortiesmummy]

We are a happy blended family both with children we had before we met, who are now adults. We see each other all regularly and all the children get on really well and our younger children much adore their older siblings. However it was our youngest child’s 1st birthday and not one of them bought a card let alone a present, in fact she only received one card from a family member, despite us having quite a large immediate and wider family who we all get on well with. She’s such a lovely baby and very much adored by our local friends. Am I unreasonable to feel a little sad about it?

As I wrote before @Fortiesmummy- you and your partner raised those children who didn’t bother to acknowledge their baby sibling’s birthday. I think it’s sad.
It wouldn’t have happened in our family but we don’t have half siblings etc so a different life experience.

Of course I don’t expect them to see them as exactly the same but don’t people usually send cards to their nieces and nephews, who are even less connected and related?

You’d think the dad would be signing from the stepmum too, well I hope so!!! Better ask my husband if he is 🤣

True but as the replies on here have explained, there are many innocuous reasons as to why they wouldn’t have sent cards, they are nice thoughtful people generally. I have come to the conclusion knowing our family dynamics and the perspectives gives through the thread that a lot of young people probably don’t realise the symbolism of a 1st birthday

Not people in their early twenties - they usually feel like they’re covered by the cards their parents send. Particularly when they’re at uni so haven’t properly established their own household yet.

How old are the older siblings? young adults in their 20s don't send cards ime, I don't think cards are on their radar, none of their friends bother with it.
They send me, DH and each other cards because I insist on it, bought up that way but they are the only cards they send!
Did they message or say happy birthday in person?
It definitely would have been nice if them to do it and do a gift.
25 years ago none of DHs family remembered our first DCs birthday or sent a present or a card and I was also felt a bit flat by it, like she wasn't acknowledged.

Leaving families on one side, I don't think younger people 'do' cards very much if my own DD is anything to go by. It's just not part of their thinking. DD doesn't get cards from friends often although they do buy each other presents.

Agreed. All the PP’s on here making out the Op is odd for expecting a card and saying it’s putting too much on adult siblings.

It's not a good idea for anyone to attach much importance to receiving cards, when they're clearly not a universal norm and lots of people don't want to participate in the custom. Frankly it's only on MN that I come across so many people who either won't or can't understand that. OP herself has acknowledged that it's just the mindset of young adults at the DCs stage in life.

It's fine to value cards for yourself, but you are setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect everyone around you to feel the same.

It's wild to me that in 2025 there are people who place so much emphasis on cards. Only a tiny minority of people I know my own age send them any more, and I can't imagine they've grown in popularity among younger people.

And the thing is even if you still send cards yourself, you must know they've fallen out of favour and not many people do them any more, so it's absurd to take any offence at not receiving them. If someone in your life cares for you and thinks of you there are many more meaningful ways than a card for them to show that.

And on top of that, even thinking back to an era when cards were more popular, I wouldn't have dreamt of sending one to a one-year-old baby. Because it's a baby. It can't read. Wtf would be the point?

I find it odd they didn’t acknowledge their wee sibling’s birthday, whatever the age of the sibling - 1 or 21

I think it's sad neither of your families wanted to acknowledge your babys birthday OP. I'd be upset if my sisters forgot one of my DC.

People just don't give or send cards nearly as much as they used to. They text or e-mail or use social media. And not normally to a one-year-old.

I actually do give cards, and like getting them; but I'm not sad or hurt if other people don't give them.

I think a lot of people see cards for babies as pointless, since they can't read them or understand that X sent them a birthday card.

Plus cards as a general thing is on a downward trend lately.

I think it’s a shame that so many people put so much meaning into cards. I think they are annoying, expensive and a waste of paper. I do give them to people I know value them but prefer not to. My adult kids don’t do cards but are very close to one another and are generally lovely people. Sending cards is not a measure of whether people are nice or not.

I really don’t get sending cards to a baby that’s one. I would send one if I think the Mum would want one but I find it daft.

Yes I think it is this very much, we would buy cards and presents from our pocket money and then from money we earned but have seen it even been actively discouraged these days when a young person has suggested sacrificing a bit of their own money to buy a relative something. Either the parent has stepped in and insisted on paying or they’ve even been told that it’s really not necessary, e.g they wouldn’t want you spending your money on a card for them etc. I can see it’s done with the best of intentions but better to say ‘they wouldn’t want you spending a lot of money on them but sure they’d really appreciate a small token, cards are only 28p in Asda!!

To be fair in the end a couple of my siblings and other relatives did end up sending nice presents

I know where you are coming from.
I think it’s sad too tbh.
A little selflessness and thought for others is good I would have thought.

But 'selflessness and thought for others' is not identical with 'sending cards'.

I like cards, but I'd never judge people's thought for me by whether they send a card. Selflessness is shown by helping others when they need it, not by sending cards for special occasions (especially to someone who won't be able to read or understand the card),

Do they get you and DH cards and presents?

If not, I would have a word with them that families acknowledge each member’s birthday, even if in a small way.

Who turns up at a 1yo’s birthday party without a card or present?

Who doesn’t show up at a birthday party and not bring a little toy to say sorry they couldn’t make it?

These things are not normal.

Not sure late teens/early 20s people sending toys to apologise for not attending an event is the norm, tbh. Though by all means link to any evidence there might be.

In my family they do. Though by all means link to any evidence there might be that people don’t.

Lmao nice try, but you'll need to go first. Because you're the one who made a factual claim rather than offered an opinion as I did, and you did it before me.

For the avoidance of doubt, even if you have a really big family, unverified assertions about what they do is not evidence.

No one sends cards these days, unless they're older or, maybe, if it's a very special occasion.

Texts, gif, WhatsApp etc are how people communicate now, especially younger generations.

It's expensive too and who has stamps to hand? And it's not like the baby will care about a card anyway.