To feel sad that non of adult siblings got our baby a card

[Fortiesmummy]

We are a happy blended family both with children we had before we met, who are now adults. We see each other all regularly and all the children get on really well and our younger children much adore their older siblings. However it was our youngest child’s 1st birthday and not one of them bought a card let alone a present, in fact she only received one card from a family member, despite us having quite a large immediate and wider family who we all get on well with. She’s such a lovely baby and very much adored by our local friends. Am I unreasonable to feel a little sad about it?

Whats wrong with making people feel special by sending a card.

There are other ways to send a nice message. Cards and stamps have become absurdly expensive and most younger people are environmentally conscious and don't waste paper. Cards feel quite pointless & wasteful when you can send a text.

I think this is what family Whats App group chats are for...

Hi Fam.. its Baby's 1st Birthday, come to the party.
If you were thinking of getting her a present , she adores bath toys atm.

My FIL.. made a sort of poster (I know!) of everyone's birthdays so we would never have an excuse.. it actually turned out to be quite useful.

Personally I think despite being siblings, they probably feel a bit detached from your 1 year old and therefore didn’t think to do this. I’m 26 but if my dad and stepmum had a baby when I was a touch younger I wouldn’t have a strong relationship with them due to the age gap. Plus, unfortunately not everybody (including family) see children and babies the same as you will do as a parent

Cards are really outdated. They're expensive and bad for the environment. I'm not surprised young adults didn't get a 1 year old cards.

That said, I don't think your family is as blended as you think it is. The adult kids really aren't going to be attached to baby sibs. There's a whole generation between them. You essentially have two separate families.

Would the 1 year old really feel special because they got a card?

Giving me a card doesn't make me feel special. I just think "what a waste". If you've written me a nice message inside (which IME most people don't), I feel special, but I'm equally happy if you message/text/email/say this to me, it doesn't need the accompanying cardboard.

I don’t see the point in cards anyway but they are really pointless for a baby. I would much rather them be active and present in the babies life to be honest. Also the more children there are the less novelty it is for sure

Well someone must send cards by the number of shops that sell them !

No don’t worry, I wasn’t offended, I don’t think they’re not happy as such, they’ve never given that impression, they make a fuss of the younger ones when they visit, I think from reading all the replies it’s just a combination of half sibling relationships not being quite as strong in blended families as you would hope, people not doing cards these days so much and possibly just the more siblings/family people have the less investment other family have in them. They did used to make more of a fuss of our first child we had together and wider family did used to make more fuss and were much more involved with my older children.They will like posts and write nice comments about pictures etc I put about the children on Facebook but are not so involved apart from that

Yes I don’t really send Christmas cards anymore except to parents/in laws etc, I do think maybe it’s just the mindset of adult kids at this time of their life. They are nice kids and would be there if we asked them for help/babysitting etc, they’re not selfish and have even bought nice little presents or done nice things for their half siblings in the past but just don’t generally see themselves as having any obligation around birthdays except for cards and presents to parents.

I think that the parents in blended families tend to be far more invested in the new 'slbling' relationships working out than the actual children are, especially older children. One sibling came to the party and was nice, others comment pleasantly on social media posts. It could have been a lot worse. Anyway, younger people rarely send cards nowadays in my experience.

When you say adult do you mean young adult so late teens early twenties? Card giving seems to have very much died out. Whilst my teens still send them (with reminders) to aunties/uncles/grandparents etc they would never consider buying a card for someone their age. They would do a post/send message on social media. It literally wouldn’t occur to them to buy a card.

Being the youngest child does she have a lot anyway? My niece is an only child, my brother and his wife had her quite late for a first baby, consequently they have lots of friends and she has been brought stacks of presents. It’s actually hard up know what to buy her sometimes..

You should feel embarrassed for the OP and anyone else who can’t spell simple words.

Yes this is a big part of it I think, I suppose hard as a mother to understand as you are genuinely greatly invested in all your children whether you have 1 or 10, that complete adoration you felt for your 1st child doesn’t feel any less when it’s your 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc, you’re just more stretched so perhaps can’t do as much as you would like the more you have but you put as much effort into doing everything you can for all
of them and possibly go more out of the way to do parties etc as you don’t want to feel like they get less of of the magic of childhood just because they’re r.g your 7th child. However as one of the other posters said, I think in truth for wider family the novelty starts to wear off the more children a couple have. It is like they’re only got so much in them to give to each wider family unit and so their investment is spread between all the children of one family unit, more so towards the older children who they felt more of an investment to at the start (when there were fewer children).

I never get babies/young kids cards as they cannot read them. Likely they would just want to eat/chew it🤣. Just figure I’ll save a few tree’s and the planet and all that, it’s not a slight directed towards a baby/young child. Tend not to get gifts at that age for the same reason, they don’t understand gifts. When kids are older and know what a gift is and why they are getting it, then I do though.

Stop doing this and mirror their energy. They are adults. Treat them how they treat you.

How do they treat you on your birthday?

That doesn’t really matter…they were attending a birthday party and could have brought the cards in person

I personally would find their presence there/around the time good enough, no need for a silly bit of card

Oh no I wouldn’t let my child chew on a birthday card, that’s disrespectful to the person who sent it, also I’ve kept all their first birthday cards. I think the first birthday is just very symbolic for a lot of parents so they do appreciate people’s efforts to mark the occasion. Our little one loves the toys she’s got, obviously they’re at home most of the time so spend alot of time playing with them,

Oh no she’s the youngest of many so most of our money goes on her older half siblings as uni help etc dwarfs anything we spend on the younger children so we don’t really have lots left to spend on them but DH works very hard and they are still very fortunate with what they have, clubs, a party etc and a modest present from us. Yes we were very fortunate friends who came to the party bought some beautiful cards and presents for her and the youngest does have the benefit of many hand me down toys!!

Well I have to say I find it odd, that none of them even picked up a little teddy, even grandparents. I would be hurt and weirded out by that.

A card that is just going in the bin. Rather than just being there and a gift ? The gift being either played with or money to get something. Baby cannot read the card either anyway.

Even if op like my mother sticks them in a scrap book they just go in the bin. Like when she gave me my box of baby tat. I also didn’t read the cards from all those people many who I have zero memory of.

Like school books she kept. In the bin.

Do they expect them back though?

How many children are in your blended family?

I think with grandparents it’s maybe mainly their age but also perhaps just stopped being so interested after the 3rd one? They did alot for the older ones. We’re happily married and don’t ask of anything from them, money, babysitting etc and don’t claim any benefits but perhaps people in general think fine not to show much interest/investment in the 4th and subsequent baby (if they’ve already been involved with older children)