To feel sad that non of adult siblings got our baby a card

[Fortiesmummy]

We are a happy blended family both with children we had before we met, who are now adults. We see each other all regularly and all the children get on really well and our younger children much adore their older siblings. However it was our youngest child’s 1st birthday and not one of them bought a card let alone a present, in fact she only received one card from a family member, despite us having quite a large immediate and wider family who we all get on well with. She’s such a lovely baby and very much adored by our local friends. Am I unreasonable to feel a little sad about it?

I can't remember the last card I gave?

Entirely depends, do they buy each other cards? Or you? (doesnt count if you've had to tell them you expect one either)

I'm more susprised none of them bought her a present, but again it would depend if they tend to be gift givers with others.

(edit- just a typo)

Going against the grain here but I'd be upset too, OP. I think it's quite bad actually and not really any excuse.

Good point. Mine was actually only this month... but it was a moon pig full of terrible photos to my best friend who no longer lives close enough for me to wind up in person very often. Before that, my own child... before that, probably same child a year earlier!

Cards are a bit old fashioned - card and gift giving got stupid for a few decades - and baby can’t read texts

edit to add - and no I won’t but a card for you because you get one for me - that would be you forcing your way of doing things

They aren't out of fashion, plenty of card shops around plus the ig online players.
People have got lazy since social media.
Nothing beats a carefully chosen card with some nice words.

….in your opinion.

meanwhile Christmas cards are virtually unheard of in the under 40s, people send a text on birthdays wishing them well rather than waste money on a card. It’s just modern life. If you have kids 20 years apart you probably need to expect them to not be super close- your baby is born just at the age they’re entering the world and prioritising themselves, as they should.

yes that’s very sad. Perhaps ask them to please send a card so that you have them as memories for when baby is older -maybe they would do that. But I think interest wanes as you get further from the first born who is greatly fussed over. It’s v unfair I always try to treat them the same (being the ignored middle one 😂)

Only on Mumsnet would people think you are unreasonable for expecting gifts at a birthday party! Many people on here don’t have friends or family so don’t understand social norms!

of course it’s normal to expect gifts and I would be disappointed too.
I don't think you’l gain much for kicking up a fuss, but I would mention you are upset that their sister didn’t get any cards/ gifts. I’m sure they will be upset if they don’t get gifts on their bday 🤷🏻‍♀️

In lots of accents (e.g. many types of northern English), the suffix non- and the word none are pronounced the same.

As a result, it's a common mistake for people to write the wrong one e.g.
none-fiction or there were non.

If you pronounce these words differently (I do), it feels like a glaring error but, if not, I guess it's an easy mistake to make.

Most people I know don’t send cards anymore. Stamps got expensive and if I’m going to see you to give you a card I’ll see you in person to wish you a happy or merry whatever

Just bcos you are happy about the baby doesn’t mean the rest of the family are.

So my adult children are not into cards .Think it's a generation thing but they always get a card and gift for their niece and pretty sure they will for the baby when it's his birthday.
I have kept all the cards my children were given when they were little.
Cannot imagine not giving cards to any of my family!

Assuming these adults are late teens/early 20s, they may not have considered that a card would be expected for a one-year-child.

I recently went to the first birthday party of a friend's granddaughter. I took my 14-year-old daughter with me. I purchased a gift but realized as we were leaving for the party that I had forgotten to buy a card. My daughter said a card was not necessary because the baby wouldn't know anyway. I told her the baby's mother may like it as a keepsake from the first birthday, though, so we stopped and got one. Maybe they think the same as my daughter, which is not inherently wrong.

Or maybe they're just not that fussed about a 1-year-old sibling when they're young adults. I can't imagine that I would have been super thrilled about my parents having even another full sibling when I was 21 or whatever age they are.

I wish this decline in card giving had reached my area of the North West. I've spent the last 18 years of my life ferrying my daughter to endless parties accompanied by cards, gifts,balloons etc. Has ramped up if anything as they all turned 18. Her friend group must be unusual according to this thread. I can't imagine not buying your 1 year old sister a card and a gift. Very mean-spirited.

It doesn't necessarily have to be anything deep on their behalf - more unthinking.

My BIL is early 20s, and even when he started earning well and I'd been buying him gifts for years, he only started getting me gifts when his girlfriend prompted him. He's talked a bit about spending time with our nephew, but he's not made much moves towards doing it - and I can hardly blame him, because I was similar with my niblings at his age.

And the relationship will be a bit more like aunt/nephew than siblings. My mum was hurt when I described my relationship with my 14-years-older brother as like having a young, fun uncle, but it wasn't my idea to have kids just when the older ones were off to university!

So long as they don't have an overt discomfort from it, try not to get hung up on it.

How old are the children involved?

If I was 20+ and my mum or dad had a new baby I wouldn’t be very attached to it. They’re literally grown adults with their own busy lives and the age gap is so big it probably doesn’t feel like a sibling.

She’s only 1! She won’t know.

@Fortiesmummy do your children/family generally send cards? I'm amazed at the difference in people who do/don't since having my first. Eldest would have received 10-15+ from close friends/family even if there was no party to remind them, my youngest has never received a birthday card from extended family other than 1 grandparent. Not a single friend has ever sent a card to them. Christmas cards have gone from 60+ received annually down to maybe 10-15. This is despite my sending about 75 out each year. The vast majority of my social circle don't send cards at all but they tell me not to stop as they'd miss them.

Obviously if they send to everyone else and not your baby that's another thing. I'd not make a big issue but maybe if things pop up again like this again I'd be curious rather than judgmental and see if there's something behind it or if it really is just a changing demographic. I suspect it's the latter.

I think it’s probably this OP. I have half siblings a lot younger than me and I’ve never really thought of them as siblings. I never lived with them and the age difference was just too big for me to feel much of a connection. I went to certain th8ngs when they were younger to keep the peace but I wasn’t really interested.

Well you and your husband reared them @Fortiesmummy
I would be so disappointed if this happened in our family. It would be very odd.

I think cards have just dropped out of fashion. My DD just had her 15th birthday and got 4 cards, three from grandparents (one set separated) and one from us. None from aunts, uncles, adult cousins, her older sis, or her friends - up to this year friends gave each other handmade cards. But not this year. Me and DH get about 8 cards. Can't imagine giving one to a 1 yr old - probably would give gift.

Cards for a one year old? Who cares? YABU.

And the word is none, not non.

Whats wrong with making people feel special by sending a card.

The card shops and online shops haven't gone out of business so it's still working.

I see plenty of cards at baby showers ect