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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that non of adult siblings got our baby a card

158 replies

Fortiesmummy · 30/07/2025 08:54

We are a happy blended family both with children we had before we met, who are now adults. We see each other all regularly and all the children get on really well and our younger children much adore their older siblings. However it was our youngest child’s 1st birthday and not one of them bought a card let alone a present, in fact she only received one card from a family member, despite us having quite a large immediate and wider family who we all get on well with. She’s such a lovely baby and very much adored by our local friends. Am I unreasonable to feel a little sad about it?

OP posts:
redskydelight · 30/07/2025 10:50

Cards aren't really a "thing" these days. Not in the same way that they were when the adult siblings were 1. It will be more normal to look back at online message books or photo albums.

I would value them seeing their sibling over sending a card, and find it a bit odd that you are setting such a store on this. I'd say cards were more for people that weren't there in person (if you do send them). If you'd specifically wanted cards to be a long term memento, I think you needed to specify this in advance.

CopperWhite · 30/07/2025 11:10

If you’ve created a blended family and brought a new baby into it, and your only complaint is no birthday card, you are winning at life.

I’d just be grateful that the older children have all accepted the changes gracefully and that it hadn’t had a negative effect on relationships.

Huggersunite · 30/07/2025 11:21

What ages are the adult children? I think if any have children themselves then they will get it but if they don’t than they are in a very different stage of life but being honest so are you.

You’ve stepped back a stage by starting over again at parenting when you both have adult children which is living life the way you are choosing and they are doing the same living life in their own stage. Your expectations from them are pretty high.

Chillyallday · 30/07/2025 11:26

Did the ones who attended the party buy gifts?

NewsdeskJC · 30/07/2025 11:53

To be honest I found this with my youngest and no blended family involved. She was the real baby of the family. 10 years younger than then next nearest sibling and cousin were in their twenties.
I found that our siblings rarely bought cards and presents etc for here. It was odd. But she had a loving large family none the less and was much loved by everyone.
It's like everyone was just over birthdays!

Wayk · 30/07/2025 12:08

i would buy a present and be mortified not to. Awful behaviour

PestoHoliday · 30/07/2025 12:10

Young adults just don't send cards in my experience

JMSA · 30/07/2025 12:10

Of course it’s the norm to buy a present and card for a family member’s first birthday.
Only on Mumsnet would it not be!

Hatty65 · 30/07/2025 12:11

I've never bought a card for a 1st birthday - not even for my own children

ToInfiniteaAndBeyond · 30/07/2025 12:11

JMSA · 30/07/2025 12:10

Of course it’s the norm to buy a present and card for a family member’s first birthday.
Only on Mumsnet would it not be!

1 year olds can’t read. A card for a first birthday is a card for the parents, not the child.

ToInfiniteaAndBeyond · 30/07/2025 12:14

So there are 5 adult half-siblings.

How many younger siblings are there? The baby and how many others?

This sounds like a pretty big family - you mention that at least some of the adult siblings are at university, and uni students aren’t known for having big budgets. Maybe they genuinely can’t afford to get a card/present for everyone in this large extended family?

DinaofCloud9 · 30/07/2025 12:14

User79853257976 · 30/07/2025 09:14

Non? What does that mean?

I feel embarrassed for you.

Moveoverdarlin · 30/07/2025 12:14

If they’re all adults (18 and above) and your child is one - that’s a hell of an age gap, were they happy about the new baby or is there a bit of resentment?

Moveoverdarlin · 30/07/2025 12:15

Young adult men (say early 20s) will not give a monkeys about getting a card for a one year old. It just wouldn’t occur to them.

Summerholiday321 · 30/07/2025 12:17

A lack of cards and presents wouldn't bother me as long as they turned up for tea and cake and acknowledged her birthday in other ways. Nothing at all would be sad especially if part of a wider pattern.

VibeCurator · 30/07/2025 12:21

Moveoverdarlin · 30/07/2025 12:14

If they’re all adults (18 and above) and your child is one - that’s a hell of an age gap, were they happy about the new baby or is there a bit of resentment?

This may be the case 😬 DH had a couple of half-siblings born when he was in his 20s and it’s a really difficult and strange dynamic to navigate. There’s often a lot of feelings below the surface in these situations.

It may just be that cards are a bit obsolete or they’ve forgotten.

FortheloveofCheesus · 30/07/2025 12:55

I don't think they're as enamoured with the "blended" family as you think they are.
Some adult children can feel a bit embarrassed when their parents have a baby.

This, definitely this. They may be decently putting on a big show of acceptance of it all because they are grown ups and it is what it is, but no one loves mum or dad starting over and having a new little nuclear family with a new partner. It makes the older children feel like the mistake that the parents want to do over.

Huggersunite · 30/07/2025 13:13

To be fair it is not just second families. I know at a friends wedding his mother stood up and gave a speech about how much embarrassment there was on both sides, hers and his, when she had to admit to the groom she was pregnant by his father so not a second family because he was in his twenties. It is very odd having adult children and new babies in most family situations. It probably does cause some feelings.

Mewling · 30/07/2025 13:17

I’ve said YANBU as your feelings are your feelings, but it might be a generational thing: I know few of my younger relatives would think to send a card. I think if they’re engaging with their sibling when they’re with them, and there’s no seeming animosity, I’d just chalk it up to experience but maybe set the expectation going forward that you’d like them to acknowledge your baby’s birthday in a material way.

DiscoBob · 30/07/2025 13:17

It's clearly hurtful to you. But it isn't to the baby as they have no concept of cards.

I think if they get to know your child then they'll start giving cards etc at a bit of a later stage?

I think if they don't really see the child as having their own character or ability to enjoy such things that might be why they haven't done it.

Digdongdoo · 30/07/2025 13:19

Young people don't really do cards.
And just being realistic, they're probably not as thrilled about or interested in baby sibling as you thought...

Mumofteenandtween · 30/07/2025 13:22

Cards do seem to be dying a death amongst the younger generation. Mine (teen and tween) are not fans.

Could you set up some kind of online photo montage type thing and ask them to write a message?

Freedomishereandnow · 30/07/2025 13:23

@Fortiesmummy I've read your updates and think you need to take your rose tinted glasses off. If all but one of your families didn't go to the birthday party then that shows the families haven't blended as well as you thought.

FreeWifi · 30/07/2025 13:23

How many children are there in your blended family? It is odd that the grandparents have not sent anything either. I wonder if there is some judgement about you having too many children perhaps? A complete guess here and so apologies if I am off the mark.

marshmallowfinder · 30/07/2025 13:25

Yabvu to spell none as 'non'.
Yabu to worry about cards and presents. That's the way it goes sometimes and not worth stressing over.