For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

[MumLife90]

My best friend and I have been besties since we were 5! Recently, she’s been acting strange with me and after asking what’s wrong, it’s come to light that she’s upset we’re getting married in the same month, 3 weeks apart.

She is having the big white wedding, me eloping with immediate family only and her, as to me, she is family (we also invited her husband to be and two sons, one of whom is my god son).

She explained that she’s upset we’ve planned it in the same month and said if it had to have been that month (which it did because of school holidays, other family commitments and financial benefits) then I should have asked her.

I didn’t ask her, because i genuinely didn’t see it as an issue. The reason being that they were two totally different weddings and with the exception of our wedding guests, no one else was going to know we were married until after the wedding so it wouldn’t detract from her day in anyway. Maybe I was selfish in this regard but had it been the other way, I really wouldn’t have had an issue.

Anyway, we then ended up telling people as she suggested doing so as people may be upset not that they weren’t invited, but because they weren’t told. It seems that it’s been after telling a specific group that she’s had these feelings again (but this is the first I’m hearing of it) and I can’t help but think they’ve stirred the pot and heightens emotions that were may be already there.

that’s by the by but I wanted to give as much detail as possible as I really want to understand if I have done something wrong. I hate that she feels like this and I would never intentionally try to hurt her or detract from her day in anyway.

i can’t help but wish we’d not told a single soul (including my best friend) and dealt with the negativity after the wedding instead of having the lead up tainted.

I could maybe understand if you were having a big wedding too, but I think seeing as your weddings are so different and because you had to fit it in with school holidays, she’s being completely ridiculous.

I am sorry to say I think her selfishness may impact the friendship - and telling other people has made that even worse.

It’s clearly taken her a very long time to tell you about her issues with this too. Why didn’t she mention it immediately?

I think you should have chosen a different date. Your friend is planning a big wedding, which is so stressful. As you are such good friends she might have wanted to be part of planning yours but she can’t because it is just too much. I think what you have done could seem thoughtless and has added to her stress in all sorts of ways, although I am sure you had the best intentions.

That's really not what a narcissistic is! 🙄

One of my good friends and I got married 3 weeks apart. We share a large group of friends who would be invited to both weddings. We both went for traditional church / marquee / big white weddings.

Neither of us thought anything of it. In fact, we spent a lot of time discussing wedding plans together! We have anniversaries near the same time which is nice and we acknowledge in passing.

No one own a month OP! And with yours being an elopement, your friend is being particularly unreasonable.

She’s being bridezilla, however, you’re not having an elopement. That’s when you two sneak off without telling anyone. You’re having an intimate wedding, maybe she was planning a honeymoon around that time?

I am really struggling to understand why 19% of voters think YABU.

There must be a lot of bridezillas on this thread.

Your "friend" is being precious.

@EvolvedAlready I'm sorry, but I totally disagree with you. Life must be very difficult for you if you can't cope with two weddings in the same month, even if one of them is your own. I'm not narcissistic enough for something like this to bother me.

She’s clearly not old enough to get married.

I think you might move by apologising for your thoughtlessness. Of course she doesn’t want to have concentrate on packing up and going away somewhere unrelated around the time of her wedding. You didn’t think of that when arranging things but you realise now.

It’s not an elopement, she’s taking the friend with her which can’t be convenient at that particular time.

Goodness! Just how hard can it be to pack a bag for a wedding. This is just a ridiculous way to approach life.

Also I thought eloping meant you did it in secret (misses the point of the thread!)

There's something really irritating about using "elopement" to mean a small wedding.

A big wedding is tiring and takes concentration. I would not want to focus on anything else unless it was essential and this isn’t, op could surely have found another school holiday for it.

Depending when her honeymoon. she may feel her wedding - honeymoon for 2w (average) home then following week your wedding /flying a bit too much - even tho you are paying for it

saying that - she doesn’t get to own the month ffs and she’s meant to be your bestie

so both can giggle make plans (diff ones) and bond over it - seems not

maybe input of friends didn’t help

sound alike when I was finally preg after 10ths ttc - and my friend was also.

I was over the moon for her and we could compare stuff /moan to each other - babies were 4w apart and 8yrs later still friends

we were fine. But it was others saying oh she preg as well. Taken the shine of your news (meaning me)

didn’t bother me at all. Loved her being preg same time as me. My first - her second

tho in your case your friend is peeved and really no reason to be

in same venue yes I could get that. But not away and small under 20 people wedding

tho agree it’s not eloping. It’s a small abroad wedding

are you doing a party after once back at home @MumLife90

The OP's wedding is three weeks after The bridezilla's wedding. She doesn't need to think about until after her own wedding.

She's being ridiculous. Stop pandering to her. State clearly that you want to remain friends but you're not putting up with her dictating to you about your wedding. She's already overstepped by insisting you tell people before, when you wanted to wait.
I remember when my brother got married, lots of his friends were getting married about the same time. Everyone just got on with it!

She feels how she feels and actually that is absolutely fine she is allowed to feel every emotion out there - we all do from time to time we are all human.

However I’m not sure what she thought she was going to achieve by sharing her feelings on this with you because I would imagine knowing your best friend from aged 5 feels this way is likely to have an impact on how you see her in the future. She should have shared these feelings privately. What did she think would be the outcome? That you would cancel your wedding so she could have a wedding month. It was incredibly unkind and insensitive for her to throw cold water on your plans and I hope for her sake that you can see a way through because she is behaving like a spoilt brat.

A friend of mine got married at short notice in the same month as me and then was peeved I couldn't attend.I was on my honeymoon which dh had suggested we move back to allow me to attend but when we looked into it the cost was too high.

People can be weird about weddings but are you sure that having to come to yours doesn't cause issues with her honeymoon (if they are having one)? If it's just the date then she needs to get over it. I actually think it was poor of her to mention it.

After planning my wedding, having it, then going on honeymoon the last thing I'd want to be doing the week after I got back was going to another wedding.

Are you sure it's the month that's the problem, rather than it being not long after she gets back from honeymoon.

Is your wedding taking place where you live or is there travel involved? Is it on a Saturday, or during the week and she may have to take more time off work for it?

I can only say that I sympathise with her. I’d want to be on holiday or at home with my family at that time. But I expect they will all survive!

She is been ridiculous, my MIL got married 3 weeks after I married her son, with my blessing. Once my wedding was over, it was honeymoon, home then a few days to get an outfit etc. No problem at all

whats the timeline for these weddings?
If her date was set 2 years in advance for a big wedding and in the run-up (just a few weeks out) when there’s hens and stags all in the planning, (you say it’s in the school holidays and she has 2 kids) everything’s getting to that stressful stage of making sure everything’s sorted you’ve now dropped it in that you’re also getting married same month… I can see how that would be irritating, she’s got a lot going on, she can’t fully concentrate on your wedding, you surely know the ins and outs of the planning of her wedding and how much there is to do and it’s come from nowhere. I’m not saying this is what’s happened but if it’s along those lines I can see it from her side. And now everyone knows youre also getting married sounds like she’s getting comments and it could be taking the conversations around her wedding from positive to negative… “oh you two must have to do everything together” “same month? That’s a bit much” “did you plan that” “why don’t you just have a joint wedding haha” I can imagine the comments.
You say your wedding has to be that month due to school holidays … there are school holidays every six weeks.

she is being ridiculous. I hate how precious how people have become about weddings. Ofc you have not done anything wrong. I would have loved it a best friend married at the same time as me.

Ridiculous

Why are people so precious and uptight?! Honestly they should try having some actual problems!

YANBU op. Enjoy both weddings!