Entitled dickhead in beauty spot

[grizzlyoldbear]

I was sat on a bench at a beauty spot in a nature reserve I’d never been to before, really peaceful, very quiet, no one else around. A man turned up with his dog and just stood there, it was very unnerving and I think he was waiting for me to move. “Lovely view, isn’t it?” he said in a pointed, hovering way.
As soon as I scrambled away from the bench (couldn't get out of there fast enough), he sat straight down. It was obvious he’d been waiting for me to f* off so he could have the bench to himself.
I found it really intimidating and creepy, especially as it was so secluded. It completely ruined the moment , I just wanted a quiet sit in nature, not to be silently pressured off the only bench.
Am I overreacting or would others have felt the same?

This.

"Yes... I feel like a nap" and then lay down :)

"sitting on"

I was once in a relatively isolated spot and a man came along with a 'lovely view' - making polite chit chat. He then thought it was a good idea to comment on how isolated it was and 'you could bury a body out here and nobody would ever find it'. At which point I scuttled off - I'm certainly not afraid of my own shadow but am somewhat afraid of strange men - I think that's a sensible position generally.

Are you sure about that? @nomas @grizzlyoldbear So you just posted to vent then? “Read the room” jeez 🫣😆and YABU.

I would have asked you to move up on the bench. Where to move up wher you sat taking up more than one space the bench.?

So....bloke turns up with his dog (so is most likely a genuine dog walker) and comments on the lovely scenery?

Wow, what an arsehole.

You could've like just not scuttled off. He probably wasn't going to murder you.

Stop gaslighting the OP, who was (sensibly imho) concerned when approached by a random man while alone in a secluded place. If he had been a rapist, she would have found it difficult to escape - as a PP has pointed out, sadly good men do not have a tattoo on their faces saying whether they are going to attack women.

Agreed - I'm the same. This would be odd behaviour even by a woman in such an isolated spot (I would have walked on and found a different place to sit if someone was already there alone), but intimidating/ creepy by a man. OP was right to scarper! And it is annoying women have to be so bloody vigilant all the time and a lot of men still don't understand that.

Sure about what?

I don’t think you can class standing and commenting on the view bullying. No one can tell you how you should be feeling and sometimes you need to be over cautious to protect yourself, but it’s done now and it seems as if your anger is misplaced.

@Wolfpa
@Crackdown96
@Menopausalmum43 I was taking up barely any space on the bench, but you’re missing the point
Apparently I imagined the looming, the staring, the weirdness. Thanks to all the women in this thread gaslighting me from the safety of their sofas 😅 you can tell who actually hikes alone and who thinks they’re an expert on it

Men, and -@AmateurDad i wouldn’t expect anything less, sadly

OP, just to let you know you’ve had a name change fail. You might want to revert to grizzlyoldbear so people know it’s still you.

I think you both needed to share.

Don’t know why you left - unless you thought you were in danger? In which case, it’s good you got yourself to safety.

But it’s perfectly possible to say Hello politely, then ignore a stranger. If he kept on talking, you could have said something pointedly about enjoying the peace and quiet.

Unfortunately your claim is not backed up with your behaviour and everything you say.
You have placed arbitrary responsibility on all males because you have put yourself in a default victim position and you expect everyone to know the precise standards you have set, despite not having them published or available in advance for men who happen to encounter you to read.
You then post abusive and belittling threads online about people who fail to meet these arbitrary standards, encouraging a pile on from your fellow impunity sexism practitioners and somehow fail to miss who is the read danger here because you are so wrapped up in your own sexist little world.

Sexism is ugly, we have been fighting for decades to lessen its impacts on society and here you are thinking you can be as nasty as you like just because you are female.
It isn’t doing anyone any favours, least of all yourself.

I think you’ve mistaken this site for an MRA one. The thread isn’t abusive or belittling anywhere except in your imagination.

When men stop committing 97% of all sexual abuse, then maybe women will be less wary.

Stop shaming women for trusting their instincts.

@Dearieme400
okay, ChatGPT 😂

There's a big difference between acting creepy and being a creep.

Every other thread on MN is about their children having additional needs etc. These children become men and women and some behaviours can clearly be misjudged.

The OP has every reason to feel uncomfortable but that doesn't mean that every socially awkward male is a bullying predator

What do you mean by that?

Imagination is the key word here.
It is the root of all the problems in the OP.

Your cure to this is for women to be accused of committing more sexual assaults? That seems absolutely perverse.

Last year I was violently sexually assaulted by a woman, and I know plenty men who have had comparable experiences, but we are unable to report them because the police and the society around us refuses to take them seriously, so please take your crass sexist nonsense and go elsewhere. There is a whole cadre of assaults and attacks which are totally ignored and people like you use this as an excuse to assume 50% of the humans on earth are predators.

I was attacked and still have a more reasonable and less sexist approach than you.
maybe you need to dial down the sexist paranoia a little?

If it was a bench he could have just shared it with you. I think are being ridiculous to run away.

@Dearieme400 Sorry, what am I even reading? You’re accusing me of ‘encouraging a pile-on’. I don’t even know what that means, let alone think I’m capable of orchestrating anything like that as a random woman on Mumsnet. You’re giving me far too much power here, which ironically just puts you in full victim mode.

Men committing less sexual abuse doesn’t mean women need to commit more of it.

Shouldn’t your experience make you more sympathetic to OP?

Maybe you need to dial up your empathy for women.

Those who are saying about creepy men, what about going out on a Friday/Saturday night when you see drunken women, leering at men/hands all over them? Does that mean we need to stay clear of all women 'just in case'?

Did he have long scruffy hair?