Can’t say it to their face? Say it here

[NappyEverAfter]

I’m hoping this will be cathartic for others as well as me!

Happy birthday, dear friend. I would have loved to have spent it with you - or indeed, any time with you. But while we’re still friends on paper, in reality I haven’t seen you in years, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. I can only assume I trigger bad memories for you because I was your confidante when you got yourself into an awful situation.

It feels like you were the one who fucked up, but now you’ve got out of it, while I’m suffering the consequences. I love you and miss you, but I also resent you because I’m paying for your mistakes, so fixing things feels like an impossible dream. And that’s fucking painful.

Thank you to those of you who’ve read this - feel free to unload too!

I still haven't forgotten how you deliberately cut me, and my children, out of every single thing. I haven't forgotten how you told me things that my closest friend had said about me and that you were lying. You are so insecure in your friendships that you can't stand when others have friends and actively try to get people to cut them out, so you can have that person as your 'best friend', you absolute weirdo. You socially engineer your way through every single event/party/anything at all and all that's happened is that you're not actually close to anyone at all now. I feel sorry for you because of your insecurities, but your unkindness and downright cruelty on some occasions stops me from trying with you. I have forgiven you, to unburden myself, but I won't forget how you made my children feel and I will always keep you at arms length now. You act like we're long lost friends when I see you at functions and I can play the game for my own sanity and so that I don't spoil someone else's event, but you must have noticed that as soon as you appear i make my excuses to talk to someone else. I offered you friendship and now you will never be a part of my life again. I don't miss you.

Dear ex oldest childhood friend
Since being diagnosed with two cancers, YOU HAVE NOT ONCE picked up the phone to see how I am!!! Not fucking once. You are immature and selfish, particularly since you met your new bloke! Stupid little meaningless
“ I miss you “ texts, with fucking stupid hearts, means nothing! What the fuck makes you think I want to hear about your holidays, when I’ve lost my hair, am sick from chemo and scared shitless!

I hope never to hear from you again!

Dear H
i will never really understand why you felt the need to lie and cheat even if it was just an ‘emotional thing’ finding all those songs you had written and recorded 9 years ago about someone else stuffed in a drawer ( and had been written 10 years prior) I’ve never had a solitary song written for me/ about me and yet that 21 year old yoga bunny type got a drawful . I know it was a shit time for you, your mum dying, business issues but I managed to be perfectly loyal despite you speaking to me like shit at the time .

i would have gone to the ends of the world for you ( and had) - supported you in us building a business, you getting on professionally etc . Looking back I feel you made a total idiot of me . I’ve stayed married but ‘something inside ( to quote Carole king) - died and I’ve tried but I just can’t fake it ‘ - so if I seem less engaged these days emotionally and certainly physically then that’s a big part of the reason . Actions have consequences and to me aren’t as you described it ‘a bit of a mistake, just a crush ‘ it didn’t really mean anything - sure felt like it did to me after reading your sub millsand boon prose — and oh I know all about your daily porn habits- I monitored the router when son was at home due to worries we had with him at the time Asa teen - and I still do because inside of me there’s a little distrust at some level.

do I care about you, yes, do we get on, yes, do I feel the same- nope not really , if I won the lottery I’m off - even at 63

I was actually going to write almost the opposite. I'm on disability benefits and I'm really upset by all the moaning from the government and the media about how more disabled people should work.

How did your sister manage to lie to her PIP? I am genuinely intrigued. The DWP reckons the fraud rate on PIP is below 1% and I can see why. It is ridiculously hard to get PIP.

I applied 3 times and have now been awarded. It's such a daunting thing to do that the first time, I just didn't supply everything that the DWP asked for, so I was obviously refused. The second time, I sent it masses of hospital letters, proving my diagnosis and discussing my difficulties but I was refused. The third time, I got letters of support from former employers and a neighbour and I had even more hospital letters and I got awarded.

I had to go through a very gruelling health assessment each time.

I have no idea how anyone could claim PIP fraudulently. You can't just make claims and get believed - you have to have heaps of evidence for all the problems you say you have and, crucially, how they impact your life.

And another one
Please message DP, not me, when you
want to know how we are. You are his relative, not mine. In fact, I wouldn’t mind, if you ACTUALLY cared how we
are, but you don’t, do you? You KNOW what a shit time we are having, but you fail to acknowledge of it. Out of sight, out of mind? Selfish!!!!’

Dear Old Family Friend

No, it's not okay that you didn't respond to my message telling you that Mum had died. She and my dad were your close friends.

I sympathise that you typed up a condolences message and funeral query but forgot to send it until 6 weeks later, but it's not good enough. People who met her once or twice sent cards and flowers. Your husband was Dad's close friend but hasn't even sent a single message. You've both been rubbish for years.

Actually, Dear All Dad's Friends - do you fancy checking in with him from time to time? He lost his wife 2 months ago, coming to the funeral and then forgetting all about him isn't good enough. Try harder.

Dear S and P

I am embarrassed to call you my brothers. I am ashamed of the men you have become in recent years, with your racist/homophobic opinions and right wing political views. I hope you can keep your vitriolic words to yourself at future family gatherings.

S, I hope your son doesn't turn out to be gay because he will be so far in the closet so as not to upset you, that he'll have to wait for you to die before he comes out. Please keep your views about sexuality to yourself, so as not to damage my DD.

P, no one gives a shit that you're vegan and no, we don't believe you that milk/cheese/meat is poisonous and that eating Ivermectin can cure you of cancer. Please stop peddling your batshit theories to anyone and everyone! You just come across as a raving lunatic. And no, the "immigrants" aren't out to get you, so you don't need to carry knuckle dusters with you for "protection".

Love, E.

How am I the normal one of my siblings?!?!

You came after I had been doing my job for 10 years, a job that I loved and was good at. You said that as you were now the manager that you wanted me to run the store whilst you sat on your lazy arse. You made mine and the other staffs' lives a misery, you were a liar and a creep. You accused me of theft when I used petty cash to buy our lovely driver a bottle of wine as he was leaving, something which we had always done.
I had a very dangerous life threatening illness and nearly died, when I returned to work on light duties you put all the heavy jobs onto me. You forced out 4 other members of staff with 40 years between them. You left heavy things on the floor by my desk in the hope that I would fall over them. You lied at a tribunal, conducted by a 'friend' of yours. When I stood up to you you called the police and said that I'd threatened you, they didn't even speak to me, just my husband. You resented me as I was on close to the same pay as you as assistant manager, well i had been there 10 years and worked hard for that pay, you came in with no experience whatsoever yet I had done numerous management courses, and passed them, I deserved that money.
You shattered my confidence and I never regained it. I'm retired now, at 60 due to ill health but I'll never forget you i wish you nothing but the worst.
You utter scum bag!

Dad, I will never be able to forgive myself for how you died. I still cannot get over the fact we weren't with you I am so so sorry. I hate the Doctors who dismissed us and ignored my pleas that you were sick. I hate that I have to see Mum grieve for you every single day even though she is a bloody amazing force of a woman, she misses you so very much. Doctors I hope when this eventually gets to court you remember who my Dad was and the omissions you made in his care. I even hope you have sleepless nights about it, I doubt it though.

Dear colleague

You are lazy and disorganised. You are so immature it's painful. Trying to have a normal conversation about work and you chime in eith ridiculous childish comments that make me want to tell you to fuck off. Grow up. Im sick of picking up the pieces.

To the people who have treated me like an emotional or even physical punchbag, like I am inferior, like I don't matter, with relentless put-downs, lies, abuse, and even betrayal!
You haven't destroyed me!
Despite everything you have done to me, I'm ok! In fact, I'm getting my life together and have started to experience moments of sheer happiness and this is largely because I no longer have anyone like any of you in my life!
Now, my circle is small but those in it are good people- kind, caring, honest and genuine! They have integrity and their moral compasses function well! They respect me and I respect, trust and love them! Finally, I only have people who deserve my respect, trust and love in my life and it's wonderful!

Gah why doesn't the laugh emoji get reinstated?!?!🤣🤣🤣

Mum: I love you and I am by some considerable distance your most compliant and people-pleasing child. You've just tipped over from being needy into outright emotional manipulation and I didn't fucking deserve that. I am pissed off.

DH: I love the bones of you and I am completely sympathetic about your anxiety. But you are so FUCKING miserable, and your need to vocalise every anxiety makes me anxious and miserable too.

Omg I needed this thread today thank you!

It's always about you. You get what you want all the time and expect others to do what you want to. You are a selfish narcissistic false arsehole and you make me miserable. I just wish I'd recognised it when I was younger and I could have released myself from your claws earlier in my life.

’D’S I know that she is probably dying - I guessed by her need to try and form a relationship with me the last couple of days. Although it’s too late, my family have survived without her - and I think she knows that. You were always the favourite and I know you are fully aware what is happening can’t you let me and DB know ? If you can’t bring yourself to message DB direct then let me know and I will phone him.

i know my adult children will not have the same family dynamic as us and that makes me proud and happy.

I know you are trying your best and you are a far better employer than most, but this isn't working. My brain already feels fried by the end of the morning. I resent having to get up so early before I would naturally wake up. I resent having to go to bed early and trying to force myself to sleep before I am tired.

I resent having to make an appearance in the office "just to show my face" lest people think I am slacker. I recent the many hours that I have to pretend to work, even though I can't squeeze more than 5 or 6 hours of focused work out of my head. I hate the fact that I can't use "office hours" for running chores and losing my weekends doing those instead.

I resent that i have to do this probably way past the age I can still perform to a decent standard. I hate filling in hour sheets. I hate the many emails there are to keep track off.

I hate that you dominate my life and I have no alternative. I have tried benefits and social housing and that was worse.

I want more time and energy for myself. I want us all to acknowledge that 40 hours a week is BS and that we should just stop when we finish and not pile on more work to still make those "8-hours-a-day", which is only just the hours we mostly pretend to work, because it does not include the commute or the preparations we take before the workday and after to be ready for the next day.

We are not honest about this and it is exhausting.

I don't know if it's ignorance from living in bubble your whole life or whether you were just conceited enough to believe that it'd never happen to you, but you're not the victim. You're just too fucking stupid to realise actions have consequences.

You are such a twat. You're loud, annoying, obsessed with food and you mess up the house. You have no appreciation for the fact I pay for everything for you while you lounge around getting in the way and doing nothing to help with the house or the kids. And I do say this to your face but you just miaow back at me and then try to get into my lap, you cute furry tosspot.

This is lovely and I look back 2 years and totally relate to this 💔

I don't love you and I am embarrassed by your lack of care for yourself. Lose weight, shower daily, brush your teeth twice a day, and cut your fucking nails.

Dear MIL.

Where to start?

We all know you're miserable.

You were miserable before you moved, because you couldn't cope with the big empty house anymore. You had been complaining for years about it.

You're miserable now, because you no longer live in the big empty house.

You're miserable because your husband does nothing, and is willfully incapable of looking after himself, and that we don't help you as much as you say you need.

You're however also miserable whenever you're not the host. You hate when we all try and help, because you love to be a martyr - you've made it your whole identity - the "Good Christian Mother".

You're miserable that your beautiful daughter, who i have loved since i was 17, has finally, in her late 40s, started to realise that she has her own wants and needs, and that they aren't always the same as yours.

Your endless dripping poison about her "new" friends and life decisions, is patently not because you are concerned for her happiness or "reputation" - it's because you are losing control of the one remaining person in your life that you could control.

Your constant whining about how you should be allowed to voice your opinion doesn't mean you should also be exempt from the consequences of doing so. If you are going to rant about the same things each and every week, we are going to continually disengage with you. You are not entitled to an audience.

Your "faith" and "principles" are all very well, but if they are more important than supporting the life choices of your grandchildren, then you cannot also complain that they withdraw from you, and share less and less about their lives with you.

Also, the stand you're taking with your eldest grandchild's life choice is only going to end one way.

That you complain about their relationship, and about "how inappropriate" their mild affection for each other is, whilst completely ignoring your Golden Child son and his latest distraction from his own children grope and paw at each other throughout our meetings.

Your other grandchildren all see and hear. They talk to each other. They all see that the "unconditional" love you have lavished them with throughout their lives actually comes with some fairly rigid conditions. There will be consequences of this that you will rage about, but they will be self-inflicted.

Your determination for everyone to live as you would choose, and to make the decisions you would make, is baffling to me, given your constant unhappiness and misery - why would you ever wish for the people you so vocally care about to follow the same path you have?

Finally, you are definitely old enough now to have realised that the only person truly responsible for your happiness (or unhappiness) is YOU. You have chosen to stay in an unfulfilling marriage for all these years. You have chosen never to acknowledge the depression that you so clearly suffer from, nor seek any treatment for it. You have chosen not to engage in the many, many interests and activities in the place where you now live, that could give you so much purpose and fulfilment.

Your husband may have hurt you terribly during your marriage. I am certain you have behaved unforgivably towards him on many occasions.

It is cowardly of you to blame him, and your amazing, inspiring incredible daughter for your own misery.

You are an extremely intelligent, capable woman, though you seem to prefer people to think otherwise. I do not understand your continued, wilful abdication of control over your situation.

Take some personal responsibility. Recognise your own agency.

For the sake of your children.

For the sake of your grandchildren.

For your own sake.

Please.

Im on to you. I know what you are doing. I just dont know why but it doesn't matter. Your gaslighing and your need for a permanent victim status is not lost on me. I know you are only nice to me when you need some thing. I also know im your last resport you dont need to have to keep reminding me of that. So fuck off. Leave me alone. Find some other mug to deal with your shit. Cos I want to he done with you so bad and im so angry that I cant help but go back for more.

Dear neighbour

You're really fascinating. I'm not sure I like you but I really like hanging out with you because I'm fascinated by you. Every time we get together, you manage to say something about your life which boggles my mind. You're like a one-woman psychology experiment.

Arrghh could have been an honest mistake! I did this last week, put black knickers on thinking I was wearing one outfit, last minute change of mind, opted for white linen trousers. Realised as I got to the loo in the restaurant that I had black knickers on and white trousers!

I consoled myself with the fact that it seems anyone can wear whatever they want these days and no one bats an eyelid (I’m talking leggings, white sports socks and sliders/crocs!)