Can’t say it to their face? Say it here

[NappyEverAfter]

I’m hoping this will be cathartic for others as well as me!

Happy birthday, dear friend. I would have loved to have spent it with you - or indeed, any time with you. But while we’re still friends on paper, in reality I haven’t seen you in years, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. I can only assume I trigger bad memories for you because I was your confidante when you got yourself into an awful situation.

It feels like you were the one who fucked up, but now you’ve got out of it, while I’m suffering the consequences. I love you and miss you, but I also resent you because I’m paying for your mistakes, so fixing things feels like an impossible dream. And that’s fucking painful.

Thank you to those of you who’ve read this - feel free to unload too!

Dear School Parents,

90% of you are lovely. I'm talking to the 10% of you who aren't.

My colleagues and I are sick of spending hours and hours dealing with social-media related nonsense because you're incapable of saying 'no' to your kids. If you're going to let your 10 year old on Whatsapp, Tik Tok and Insta then at least take some fucking responsibility for monitoring them. Oh, they don't like you looking at their phone? I couldn't give a shit! You are supposed to be the adult here, grow some balls!

Your 9 year old does not need a "skincare routine", they shouldn't be using retinol and it's fucking weird that they even know what Sephora is, let alone ostricising other girls who don't. No, I don't think it's cute or funny that your daughters are "obsessed with skincare", I think it's fucking sad.

Actually, it is my business that your small children are playing 18 rated games and watching horror movies and that you let them swear, stay up until stupid o' clock and eat Haribo for breakfast. I wish it wasn't my business. I really do, because I'm bored of having the same conversations. But when you let your kids do whatever they like and never say 'no' to them, funnily enough that makes it really fucking difficult for them to follow any rules and boundaries in school. So their education suffers, their classmates suffer, their teachers suffer and ultimately, society suffers because they grow up thinking this shit is normal, which means in a few years time I'll be having these conversations with them about their kids.

To sum up, parent your fucking children.

Dear woman at the gym,

I'm so glad you've fucked off for six weeks while you're kid is on school holidays. You properly ruin my Thursday evenings.
I love the martial arts training class we do, but you're a fucking menace.
You don't take it seriously and I hate that. But that's your choice. I just wish you'd shut the fucking fuck up.
I'm pretty good at just ignoring you during class so I finish the class feeling relaxed and in a really good headspace.
But then during cool down you start wittering on, talking absolute fucking nonsense incessantly. It pulls me right out of that good headspace, right back to the here-and-now, and I fucking hate it. I hate you for it.
I used to love that floaty, out-of-body feeling I'd have for a few hours after martial arts. Then you showed up to classes and now I have that feeling for about five minutes before your incessant rambling starts up and kills it.
Because you don't take it seriously, you're fucking shit at it and you're making zero progress. And so the instructor won't let us spar because he knows I'd decapitate you. I wish he would let us try it, I'd love to knock your fucking head off.

Dear Friend, I'm worried about your weight. You can't climb the stairs without getting breathless. I don't want you to become an invalid, I want you to be happy and free to do anything you want. I'd hate for you to end up on oxygen, reliant on a mobility scooter. Plus, I love you and I don't want you to die.

I could have written every single word of this myself. 100% agree.

Your boyfriend is not good for you. He is a man child who you look after. You’ve basically turned into his mother. He is also not as intelligent as you think he is. I know he is nice to you, but he is not to other people. The reason he doesn’t have any friends is because he’s driven them all away. You are also losing friends because of him. You need to stop thinking his opinions are the only ones that matter. He wants it to just be the two of you and I worry about you. You don’t talk to me any more though because he doesn’t like me. We were friends for over 20 years. I wish you would wake up and dump him.

I’m glad this thread is proving a useful outlet for people 🤗 It’s not easy to read some of the stories, but I hope you all know there’s solidarity out there.

I'm going to treat myself to another one…

“Dear” ex boss,
Despite all the bullshit excuses you came up with to push me out of my job, I know, and knew all along, there was only one reason: because I SAW you. I saw your incompetence; your refusal to accept our sector worked differently to the one you were used to and to learn about it; your constant hiding behind buzzwords and spin. But most of all I saw what a petty little piece of shit you are. You could never forgive that I pointed out your mistake. My card was marked from that day on. I could see your hatred in your cold, mad eyes. I hadn’t even made you look stupid (although you did that yourself on many occasions): I pointed out a simple misunderstanding to get a meeting back on track. This was enough for you to try to derail my entire career.

You should have faced the consequences of forcing me out. The useless bitch you brought in over my head crashed and burned and lasted almost to the day the exact amount of time I the role I predicted. But you’d been “promoted” by then, so were out of the firing line. But everyone knew that so-called promotion was a damage limitation exercise. Why else would they move you into a role that had essentially been deprecated 18 months earlier? No wonder you limped out of the company a year later, having once been touted as one of its rising stars. (Oh, and because you reported to the MD in that non-job, the utterly damning feedback I gave you on your last day went straight to him. God bless the direct manager feedback tool.)

Years on, I still hate you more than I’ve ever hated anyone. I hate that you’ll probably always have more money than me, because you use the big names on your CV to bag lucrative “consultancy” contracts, and so far no one has realised that taking short-term roles isn’t your preference, but the only way you can avoid being found out. But I hope each and every day that one day you make a really major fuck-up that is too big and too public for you to ever recover. Then you and your pathetic eunuch husband can end up in the gutter with the rest of the shit.

Dear son

I have asked you a few times and it is now down to you but please book that appointment with the counsellor before you go back to Uni. I can't force you to go but you do need to.
Your friend took his own life at Uni and you found him. You can't not talk about it, you need professional help exploring your emotions . I know you think you are dealing with it in your own way but it can't to any harm to go see her.
I am terrified of it all manifesting later when you are hundreds of miles away from us.
Mum xx

Having read @neverbeenskiing's post and agree with every word '

Dear parents
Don't assume that everything your child says is true. Do some fact finding before you storm up to school flinging insults and accusations about. You don't realise what an utter tit you make yourself look when it turns out your precious child was telling a pack of lies
Also don't email the school about every, single little thing. Maybe try reading the newsletter

To tell you I properly cheered when I heard you died in hospital just as you were supposed to leave prison. That you were terrified that your legs might have to be amputated. I hope your suffering was terrible just like when you raped me for the first time at 6 year old.
I feel guilty that I didn't speak up and you went on to assault my sisters children. I protected my children from you and she should have protected hers because it had happened to her. I don't blame her for that because she had to live with it but the whole thing fucked her life up.
I refused to let you ruin my life but not everyone can do that. I'm glad mum died before it came out because I couldn't cope if I knew she had been aware. I don't think she knew but it's a niggle i try not to think about.
Everyone thought we were so lucky to have a loving stepdad. They were wrong.

to my friend who said years later when i told her about it "i wouldn't have let him do it to me i would have shouted and told my mum". I'm glad for her that she is completely unaware of how it happens but i saw her in a different light after that as if i could have prevented it. This iscwhy i avoid you if i see you out.

I’m back with another gripe today:

Dear DD,
I know you’ve got cabin fever. So have I. I can’t control the weather, and I can’t magic up another car so we can get out of the house. But you consistently speaking to me and your siblings with utter disdain is about to send me over the edge 🤨
Finding out there are consequences to your actions should be no surprise to you. I have always followed through with warnings of what will happen if you continue to do it.
So honestly? I don’t care that you’re currently on the phone to your dad, selling him on a sob story of how unreasonable and awful I am. You don’t get to speak to people like shit and get away with it.
We can play this long game of fuck around and find out for as long as you want to 🫠👍🏻

I sincerely hope you get a perineal ulcer and suffer chronic boils on your face. Ever single time someone mentions your name in conversation, I wish the other person will say ‘urgh not that guy’. I wish for you to be cold shouldered at work, left ‘on read’ by all your friends and to be at the back of every NHS waiting list. May your investments all fail, may every traffic light be red and may you experience quiet misery and frustration every day for the rest of your life.

You are the worst bunch of people I have ever worked with. You are bullies and so terrified of our awful, bullying manager, you throw people under the bus to please him. You have lied about me and accused me of things I have not done to hide your own shit actions, you are all disgusting and need to own your vile behaviour. You have driven me to seek counselling and I hate you all and hope you get herpes!!

Since we went out my head is a mess. I remember the things you said to me, I want to know if they're true but I daren't ask. I want to know if I can trust you and if you want to be together. I want to spend every minute of every day with you, you make me feel so happy and so alive. I know you have other exciting things going on and I'm probably the last thing on your mind but you are absolutely dominating my every thought. I hope one day we will find our way to each other and be as happy as I think we would.

Dear friend-of-25-years,

I feel so let down by you. My parent died, and it took you three days to send a text which was rather trite “I’m so sorry”. Then you followed it up by telling me a mutual friend was on her way to the funeral, as if that absolved you from attending. You promised you’d ring me ‘soon’. More than two years later, I’m still waiting for that call. And, a few short months after the death of my parent, a sibling of mine died. I didn’t bother to even let you know that time, given your response to my parent’s death. You heard from others, and sent me a text saying you didn’t know what to say and that you were away on holidays so wouldn’t make the funeral. Given you couldn’t even make a phone call after the death of my parent, I was hardly expecting or hoping to see you at my sibling’s funeral. Again, there was the promise of a phonecall which never materialised.

I look back at the time of your father’s death and remember the four hour round trip I made to be there with you. I remember the phonecalls, the late night chats where I listened and supported. I remember stepping up for you when you needed me. It’s a pity you couldn’t have done the same for me.

(in case anyone is wondering, I’m based in Ireland, where funerals happen soon after death and friends of the bereaved are very much expected to attend!)

Glad you are leaving - you are an insufferable bore! No one else likes dinosaurs- and my DS does not want to speak to you on a Teams call while he is off school. He talks to other children about dinosaurs!

Oh and NO - having a hamster is not remotely like having a child - you fucking idiot! And your hamsters keep dying anyway…

The old man in the choir doesn’t consider you a friend - he probably thinks the same as the rest of us!

I feel better now
😂

It has been nearly 4 years and not a single word from you.
I miss you son. I hope you are alive and ok.

i love you, but i don't have the energy for your drama.all you do is moan, and you never ask if i have the energy or emotional bandwidth to deal with it... you just vomit in my DM's and expect me to fix it.

Just because i'm a qualified MHFA doesn't mean i'm on duty 24/7 to deal with you. stop messaging me about it.

If I'm totally honest I don't think one person has a good thing to say about you, we're not 'friends' I tolerate you at work because I have to. I get put on shifts with you because I whinge the least about it, not because we're a good team as you like to think. We're the same level and your job isn't any more important than mine, stop making decisions that drop us in the shit and then expecting me to pick up the pieces, make your department look good and then have to spend ages catching up on my own work, and don't dare tell the big bosses I'm not a team player because I won't drag you out of the shit and concentrate on my own job.
You've tried twice to get me into serious trouble at work, once it backfired spectacularly on you, and once yes I got a bollocking but not for the reasons you think I did, I was honest and admitted my wrong doing and held my hands up, but pointed out it was because of how you'd behaved and you wanting to look good that I just stepped back and let you face the concequences of your own actions for once. I don't cover your arse because you deserve it, I do it because the rest of us pay the price if I don't.
You bring everyone down and the mood today on your first day back has been completely different compared to the last few days you've not been there.
Stop threatening to leave and just bloody leave.

J:
you fumbled a touchdown pass in the end zone and you know it.

L

You broke me. Destroyed my dreams. Ruined my life. Told me again and again that I was a failure until I believed you. Thing is, I'm not remotely a failure. You are. I've just been headhunted for an incredible job, and you're only working your crappy minimum wage job because the Jobcentre forced you to after years of sitting on your arse. I'm alive again now and it's bloody great! I hope you realise exactly what you lost and enjoy your sad lonely existence now you've alienated everyone else.

I don’t hate you but I hate what you are. I hate that you refuse to get help. So many many wasted years. So much watched potential. Our family could have been so happy. Hope the next drink is worth it. One day you will be found at the bottoms of the stairs or you will choke on your vomit. I have made my peace with that.

Love you.

You are an absolute success story. 👏🏻love this.

I've learned long ago to try to remember not to assume - in particular not to assume that a poster has done anything sensible or pro-active. Most people, if they've already gone out of their way to address a problem, will mention it, either as a basic courtesy or to avoid unnecessary repeated advice.

💐