Can’t say it to their face? Say it here

[NappyEverAfter]

I’m hoping this will be cathartic for others as well as me!

Happy birthday, dear friend. I would have loved to have spent it with you - or indeed, any time with you. But while we’re still friends on paper, in reality I haven’t seen you in years, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. I can only assume I trigger bad memories for you because I was your confidante when you got yourself into an awful situation.

It feels like you were the one who fucked up, but now you’ve got out of it, while I’m suffering the consequences. I love you and miss you, but I also resent you because I’m paying for your mistakes, so fixing things feels like an impossible dream. And that’s fucking painful.

Thank you to those of you who’ve read this - feel free to unload too!

Thank you for this. It proves definitely that there is indeed “always one”.

Everyone else understood the point of the thread and the able to take something from it. Only you have made the (frankly baffling) assumption that I haven’t done anything to try to fix this. Only you felt the need to take me to task based on absolutely nothing. And you see no irony in the fact that you are a perfect example of the kind of person the people on this thread would dearly love to see get their comeuppance.

Dear cousin, you took my parents' money for years, thousands and thousands of pounds, claimed poverty, mental health, debt yet decorated your new house with brand new furniture and carpets and wallpaper the moment you moved in (after my parents helped you with the old house and paid for various things to sort the old house to help sell it over and above the monthly payments to your bank account).

When the money stopped you turned, sent a spiteful, horrible message to me about my parents then eventually a spiteful, horrible letter to them. Blaming them for your mental health when in reality your real reason for blocking them was because they were no longer your money saviours. You've not learned a single lesson and I'm sad to say have turned out to be EXACTLY like the toxic, narcissistic and vile human being that your dear father is, who you do not speak to. Well done. Slow hand clap for you.

You need a reality check!!

While you go on and on and on in my ear about how stressful your (perfect) life is…. My friends are dying of cancer in their 40s. You know absolutely nothing about struggles.

And to another

Yes, I do absolutely judge you for long term cheating on your husband, no, I don’t understand, yes, I think you’re an awful person.

And to another,

I cannot be your friend anymore as totally disagree with your (antivax, anti doctor, anti medicine) way of raising your children.

Holly, I hate you. You're a massive self centred bitch. Narcissist.

I wish you had been clothed when I found you lying face down on the floor. I know everyone has needs but I wish you hadn't been attempting what you had clearly been attempting. Quite apart from the shock and upset that you had collapsed and died, even though the heart attack was so catastrophic that you would have known nothing, the conversation I then had to have with the police (who not unreasonably wanted to establish whether anyone had been with you and had then fled) was absolutely excruciating. It's been 5 years and one day I won't think of it.

You’re a vile pig. I never trusted you anyway. What you did was disgraceful and thankfully I’m not the only one who sees through your lies. You might think they were all sucked in but they know the truth. I actually enjoy popping up every now and then just to taunt you because I know you’re scared I might tell them what you really did …..

Dear Friend

You have been excusing your now adult kids bad behaviour by saying they are painfully shy and you have been saying that since early childhood. That is no excuse for not saying please or thank you. Last time they visited me and my DCs (many years ago) they were so rude to me that I told my DCs that they were banned from our house. I have also seen them treat you like dirt and you just laughed it off. You need to stop pandering to their every whim. You are not doing them any favours in fact quite the opposite. They now have very low esteem because they have seen their peers spread their wings, get jobs, take up hobbies, join sports teams and they are stuck alone in their childhood bedrooms.

I enjoy your company - you have a very good sense of humour - but apart from the above there are also other strange things about you. You never ever react to my Facebook posts. When I asked you about this, you said it was because you don't go on Facebook much any more. While I respect anyone's wish not to make much use of social media, I am offended because we have several mutual friends and you comment on their posts. What is the real reason for ignoring my posts? I have been commenting on yours in all the time that you have been ignoring mine - it made me feel like I was the better person - but now I have decided to ignore your posts too. Are you actually a real friend? I have my doubts.

Love your very old and loyal friend

I’m busy too. My workload is just as heavy as yours and I am pulling my weight no matter what you might think.

I don’t even like saying good morning to you anymore as it sparks a long steam of ranting about what you have to do today/this week.

We’ve all got problems, we’ve all got stuff going on but if your moaning gets my workload increased then I’ll be off.

Dear abusive and narcissistic exDP

You told me continuously over years and years that I was lazy. I am not. What is more, making sweeping accusations like that is not how you talk to your partner. We all have lazy days or do lazy things but not many of us are lazy by nature.

I'll never forget that time I was walking out the door to go (and take part in) a sporting event. As I was leaving, you started yelling at me that I was lazy and I should not go to the event and instead stay at home and tidy the mess in the house. You could have discussed it with me in a reasonable manner the day before. If you'd done that, I probably would have agreed to your wishes, at least in part, even though I had paid to go the event.

I spent ages prepping my stuff the day before. You were there. You saw me do it. You had to very opportunity to discuss it. You said nothing. Instead you decided the best course of action was to blow your top at me and ruin my day. I don't think it is ever justified to blow your top, but certainly not before you have had a normal conversation about it.

It's now into the years since I left you. I am still recovering from your disgusting abuse.

Love mother of your DCs

Probably more trivial that most but...

You lied to get WLI, you could have done it yourself but you were too lazy. WLI haven't sorted your mindset as you admitted to eating a whole pack of something in one sitting after months of being on them. I can't wait until the day you come off them and put all the weight back on. Here I am losing weight by eating right and exercising and it's slow going so I won't get all the praise that you so desperately want. I won't be saying we'll done to you because it's smoke and mirrors. You did nothing to warrant a well done.

Dear colleague, we know you are playing the system a blinder with your planned sickness. This has been going on for over two years now and I cannot fathom how you haven't been sacked yet. You are a terrible Nurse both the patients and the team dislike you as you are rude, abrupt and lazy. Please for the love of god do us all a favour and hand your notice in.

Dear team leader, you are a brilliant Nurse but a terrible manager. You have allowed bad behaviour to fester in our team to the point where the good team members are totally pissed off and not willing to bend any longer. You need to get a back bone and start to take these piss takers to task before you have no team left.

Oh and ex. Not the one I spent 20 years with and had DC with, the one before that. I know we’re not right for each other, you’re a champagne socialist, misogynist and tightwad and we didn’t treat each other well when we were together. But no one else makes me go weak at the knees like you do and despite myself I’ll adore you forever. I still would, even 30 years on. And I know you would as you’ll shag anything with a pulse. I still hope we’ll encounter each other again and I know how ridiculous that is.

Dear narcissistic ex-best friend

What you did to me when I left exDP was disgraceful. You told me a massive lie and when I pointed out the proof that I had that it was a lie, you turned things around on me and said you were upset that I hadn't recognised that you were trying to protect me.

Nobody protects their friends by telling a massive scary lie. I was actually relieved when you said you wanted nothing more to do with me.

When you said you wanted to step away from me, You also pointed out that conversation between us was becoming a little difficult, which was true. And that was another reason for you getting rid of me. But to be honest that too was also down to you. You continuosly talked a load of nonsense about how vaccines cause autism, how climate change didn't exist or if it did it was greatly exaggerated. You also carried on endlessly about the evils of immigration, even though both your parents are foreigners and struggle to speak English. You are racist. You knew that I didn't agree with you on any of these topics yet you continuously brought them up, citing 'facts' that proved your points.

I don't know why I didn't distance myself form you much sooner.

Your former loyal friend

You're still here, Dad, but you're disappearing bit by bit. You have dementia and I see your deterioration daily. For the time being, you still know who I am. I can still tell you how much I love you and how proud I am that you're my Dad. But five minutes after I leave you have forgotten that I visited and forgotten what I said. I dread the day when you no longer recognise me. I hate that there is a small part of me that wishes it were over, but I also know you would not want to live like this if you fully understood what is happening to you. I don't want to wish you gone, but you're no longer fully here and I miss you. So, so much.

Bonnie Blue

You are a disgusting skank of the lowest order, vile

Great thread @NappyEverAfter !

I have made full use of it. I've done 3 posts so far. It has helped. I'm seeing my counsellor this afternoon.

Meeting you when out one evening and kissing you does not mean I owe you a relationship!

Stop messaging me saying we have a connection and how amazing it was. You don’t know me, I don’t know you. You come across as desperate and needy.

And now you’re getting angry because I don’t want to see or speak to you? You’re actually coming across as quite dangerous. No means no. The red flags are huge. Go away.

I know that you run every day, even on holiday. It’s not a flex, it’s really sad and you really don’t need to mention it every time you talk about what you did on holiday. I say this as someone who does exercise etc but who also knows when to rest and be present with my family.

Dear Lady on the Tube

I was sitting opposite you on the Bakerloo Line yesterday. You looked stunning in your designer white trouser suit, silk scarf and designer bag. When you stood up, I could see your black thong.

Why on earth did you wear black knickers under a lightweight pair of tight white trousers? Did you want everyone to see your knickers? If so, why?

Love your Tube companion

DM - I had a horrible childhood thanks to you. You should NEVER have had children let alone more after me. If it wasn't for grandparents I dread to think what may have happened. Yet you spent years and years being jealous of the relationship I had with them. When I had my own child you criticised every decision I made (after suggesting she be named after you). She is now an adult and despises you and what you have done to me. At some of the most terrible points in my life you went out of your way to cause yet more hurt and harm.
But mainly I hold you responsible for his death. You knew it would kill him and it did yet you did nothing to help and even encouraged it. You sit alone now daring to grieve for him, telling anyone that will listen how sad you are. I sit here screaming inside for him, me - the one who fought so hard for him.
For over 50 years you have given me nothing but misery and upset, it is your birthday soon and I wonder how many more you will have. Will I grieve for you when you're gone? No. I will grieve for the mother I deserved but never had. I do not wish you any harm but I cannot wish you any peace either. I hope we haunt your dreams.

Mother

You know I can see the real you behind the mask after all,I've seen it slip so many times

You think your soooo clever but your not

You only have the family members and friends around you because you con them, control them and chat shit about them,they can't see this as they are sooo thick and think your acting in their best interests

I don't give a fuck about getting my hands on your money,give it to anyone daft enough to believe your gaslighting

I know I've been cut out of your will,I don't care but I also know you did it on my birthday,thinking that will really hurt me while claiming you don't remember what date I was born-newsflash,I don't care,I never wanted the crappy expensive jewelry that you forced my father to buy you or the pound notes you wafted under my nose

A lot of people know there is something odd about you but don't believe just how dangerous you are

If the mask was stripped away,you'd be naked and exposed for being the nothing person you are-and you know I see this which is why you kept me at arms length since the day i was born,turning people against me in case they started to see the truth and I know you gave a big sigh of relief when I walked away

(but you also knew I'm stronger than you and you had to stop me,so followed the narc script with your lies and it stung you that i was no longer under your control)

Your smear campaign is pathetic-anyone who believes this actually doesnt-they are just parroting your words-its amusing to watch

You carry on playing your games,I refuse to play them

Your a pathetic,narcissistic,spiteful bitch that doesn't get to me at all as I understand what your trying to do and I simply don't care

I know the truth and that's all that matters

You beat me to it !

It's a great thread and I'm working on a post or two.