Can’t say it to their face? Say it here

[NappyEverAfter]

I’m hoping this will be cathartic for others as well as me!

Happy birthday, dear friend. I would have loved to have spent it with you - or indeed, any time with you. But while we’re still friends on paper, in reality I haven’t seen you in years, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. I can only assume I trigger bad memories for you because I was your confidante when you got yourself into an awful situation.

It feels like you were the one who fucked up, but now you’ve got out of it, while I’m suffering the consequences. I love you and miss you, but I also resent you because I’m paying for your mistakes, so fixing things feels like an impossible dream. And that’s fucking painful.

Thank you to those of you who’ve read this - feel free to unload too!

You aren’t nasty, but rather unpleasant. The way you speak to your husband and about your husband when he’s right in front of you is disrespectful, repulsive at times. He’s not deaf, he’s not shouting, you are. Stop flossing in my living room, stop eating biscuits without a plate leaving a trail of crumbs, stop being a backseat driver, stop screaming everytime my cat walks in, stop banging all my doors, clanging on the tableware at meal times and talking over everybody (mostly your husband).

On a lighter note, you are setting an example that’s it’s ok for me to to behave that way to your son 😝

God that felt rather good!

I think this has been a great thread. Personally nobody ever believed anything bad about my mother - school teacher, pillar of the church etc and my XH somehow made sure everyone believe his lies.

I know nobody on here knows me, or who I'm talking about but it was so good just to write it down. It felt like a big "UP YOURS" to the two of them so thank you, OP 😄

Here goes…

I actually am starting to find you quite insufferable, and I really wanted to like you as a person. I hate how two-faced and over-opinionated you can be, and I hate your sense of entitlement to everything. Perhaps I am a little bitter, because everything I have literally worked so hard for seems to just fall in your lap - but you have such an ungrateful nature that genuinely makes me feel itchy when I think of you. I wish you would be nicer, more compassionate and less two-faced, if you can’t say anything nice about people then try not saying anything? I know you seem to think you’re better than everyone else, but you aren’t. I hate how enmeshed we have become now, I think if there was more distance, I wouldn’t see this part of you, and I probably wouldn’t have this dislike for you guys now developed.

phew.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I’m sorry best friend, but I don’t really like your wife. She manipulates you. When you cancel our meet ups, it’s always some utterly ridiculous reason relating to her. You always leave early because she doesn’t like you to be out late. I miss the good old days. Stop asking if we can do double date nights, because my husband hates her too. Sorry.

Dear ex husband - why? You're a terrible father and man, you were a terrible husband and I hope getting it off your chest was worth it as you've lost everything you never deserved in the first place. The sadness is you just don't care. You have no idea how amazing our children are and are already missing so much. You don't know them at all. Oh one more thing, yes, I've called him. Yes I've seen him. Yes.

Dear ex mil - it's best for me if there is no more contact. Everyone made their bed.

Please educate yourself on what goes in the recycling bin or take a look at the posters I've put up to make it easier for you. Definitely no more ham-encrusted plastic trays.
I remove anything that's not allowed so you're wasting your time anyway.
Also, stop bringing your own cleaning stuff.

Dear Friend,

You're really fucking basic. Every time a new gadget comes out, you have to have it. Everything an activity becomes popular, you have to do it.

You look like a complete knob wearing your little bum bag under your armpit like the youth do. I mean, they look ridiculous as well but they're young, it's allowed. You just look stupid.

Don't you want to be different? To find your own way? Find the things that make you happy rather than just what's trendy?

You also drink way too much. I know your liver function test came back fine. But you look terrible, and I really think cutting back the booze would help you.

Dear ‘friends’ of 30 years.

We had so many good times together, holidays, you coming to stay with us and although we did feel sometimes we did more ‘giving’ than ‘taking’ I’m sure people often feel that way.

We understood we couldn’t come and stay with you because you didn’t have the space but after all the times we’d hosted you, with breakfasts, dinners, drinks, etc. it did feel a bit ‘off’ when we came to your area and stayed in a hotel that you didn’t even ‘host’ us to lunch or dinner but booked for us all to go to an expensive restaurant for lunch and expected us to split the bill. Then announce you had to get back home.

There were so many times when there were ‘reasons’ you had to have the better room when we were on holiday, we sucked that up but the twice we made out a better ‘business case’ we felt you kept commenting on it.

I don’t know why we carried on holidaying with you when we realised we had much better holidays on our own but we did until we finally realised you really were just ‘takers’ and we were a convenience to share costs.

You haven’t given any consideration or support to me now I must be a carer to my husband.

I wish the scales had fallen from our eyes sooner. Goodbye and good luck.

@grumpygrape we have some very old friends like this too -
they lived abroad for awhile ( 11 years) somewhere that was 11 hours flight and you really need to go for a fortnight - they had the room to offer to put us up but instead sent us a list of local places to stay in quite an ‘unsafe’ country . At the time we were in our late 50s .

I know exactly how you feel

You have ruined my life. I hate you and I often fantasise about you smashing your work vehicle and dying so me and my children can live peacefully. You are an absolute horror and I hate seeing you play off mr nicey nicey infront of everyone when you are a nasty piece of work you don't have a nice bone in your body. You are a disgrace and a danger to young women. You groomed me at 19 and I had your children. In that time you cheated with a 17 year old teenager and gave me an STI and blamed me for it. I spent years apologising to you despite the damage to you done to me you never said sorry once. You committed revenge porn act against me and claimed you didn't know who it was you sent it to and refused to give me a name so I couldn't report you. You got rid of all evidence I had. You have utterly destroyed every ounce of confidence I had and I think you are a cold hearted evil piece of shit. You do not hold an ounce of accountability or remorse. You threatened to take my children off me if I went to therapy or left. You think you've changed. You're still abusive. Financially, sexually, emotionally. I used to believe in karma, now I know it doesn't exist. You have faced no consequences of the irreversible damage you have done and it's only me that has to live with it. I hate you. You have robbed me of so much happiness.

Dear Member of the Senior Management Team.
Thankyou for the crappy notecard you sent me on my retirement after 26 years service. Yes it was me who got you your first job with the company all those years ago. It was also me who you ignored once you climbed the corporate ladder (by sleeping with a couple of the bosses along the way). You have been terrible in a senior post, promoted way beyond your abilities. I hope never to see you again.

I feel like I know this person, I guess there are just loads of obnoxious LinkedIn posters!

Have you been able to free yourself from that dreadful relationship @Mumofsoontobe3?
i truly hope you have.

Be patient @Mumofsoontobe3 It may take years but life catches up with them in the end. I waited over 40 years for the arsehole that fucked me over as a naive teenager to feel real pain. It came as two massive kicks in the teeth that he’ll never recover from. Hang in there x

To my sister:

You have ‘met’ my son, your 7 month old nephew, twice in his life; the first time you hid in my kitchen pretending to be scared of him and the second time you stood on the doorstep making a big drama of being ‘afraid’ to come indoors because he was there. Really, you just hate the fact that he is loved and cherished by the rest of the family because it means there’s less attention for you, right? You’re not scared of him; he is a BABY. Just admit you can’t stand not being the centre of attention so you act like a fucking weirdo to bring everyone’s attention back to you. Everyone is embarrassed and upset about your behaviour. If our Dad could see how you were acting, he would be so ashamed of how you are treating me and my little boy. He never got to meet him and love him, and you are wasting your own chance to do that.

I’m not interested in giving you any more chances, at least you can’t emotionally damage my son if he doesn’t actually see the way you treat him. By the way, you’re the one missing out as he is a truly wonderful little boy. He’s happy, cheerful and so much fun to be around. You don’t get to see that, and I pity you. I will always love you, but I’m afraid I no longer like you.

To my Dad, while we’re here:

I wish you could have met my boy, you would have adored him. He looks so much like you and I see you every time he smiles. His eyes twinkle and crinkle when he is happy, just like yours did ❤️

You don’t have ADHD. You’re just a manipulative, selfish twat.

She's claiming to be scared of your baby? What's she claiming to be afraid that he'll do?

Fuck knows! She has truly shocked me with the way she has treated us both

I might understand if I was asking her to change nappies, or passing him to her to hold when she didn’t want to, or if he was grabbing at her whilst screaming and shouting. But she hid in the kitchen when he was a week old and fast asleep! Hasn’t seen him since he was about 12 weeks old. We’ve been to the house to visit my Stepmum (her Mum) several times since while she’s there, but she just refuses to come downstairs. Even her own Mum is horrified and absolutely gutted by the way she’s behaving.

Who the fucking fuck do you think you are to tell people I supervise that I am not fit to practice and that I need to be ousted from this role? I agree I'm an imperfect person and I don't know everything all the time, but I'm fucking good at my job and I know how to ask the right questions and plan appropriate actions.

You have neglected your responsibilities and I have had to pick up the pieces while also doing my actual role. This is dangerous in our line of work. I've done this while also being second-guessed and criticised by you, receiving many complaints from various families and colleagues about you, and supporting and managing more junior colleagues. You are a nightmare to manage because you are a fucking arsehole with a chip on your shoulder about management. Fuck off and never come back to this service - I'm so glad you're now gone.

Mum, I wish I could say that I'm sorry and I'm sad that I'm not coming to your pre-funeral. But I'm not. Even with you paying the fare, it would cost me too much to try and play happy family. Stone cold sober. While the rest of you are not. So not.

I flew over and nursed you back to health when you were talking yourself into a steep decline, sliding into death. I will do it again if necessary. That will have to be enough. It's more than the other two ever did, or ever will do.

But nothing I do actually counts, does it? It's never good enough for you. No matter what it fucking costs me. And it always costs me - in every which goddamn way.

There is no way I could maintain my sobriety for more than 48 hours with you lot.

Dear mum
I am not your emotional dumping ground. I wish that you would give me a hug when i am upset. I am tired of listening to your endless monalogues. If i had a heart attack your broken nail would be more important.

Ps you are crap at buying presents. When i asked you for a book for Christmas you got me bath bombs instead. I am regifting the bath bombs to you this Christmas.

I bloody told you she was a psychopath and it was going to explode in your face. She manipulated you and you were too cunt struck to see it. Now I’m resisting the urge to say I told you so and I’m waiting for you to work your way back to me when the penny drops. Engage your brain!!