Daughter doesn’t want me to take job offer

[Theyulelog]

I am a qualified gymnastic coach, have been out the game for a long time due to children, hours etc.
my teenage daughter is a gymnast, she’s at the club everyday.
I have another job working in a supermarket, which I hate. I love my old job as a coach but nothing about especially with cost of living crisis.
i have been offered a job at my daughters club. I was over the moon but my teenage daughter is screaming and shouting, crying and begging me not to take the job as she goes there to be with her friends and enjoy time away from home. She doesn’t want her mum there. She says I’m selfish and it’s ruining her life.

im so sad I mite have to give up my dream to have any relationship with her. Our relationship is very strained as it is.

I totally understand why she’s not happy but your job trumps her preference here. I think you have to calmly tell her that and say you promise you wi do everything you can to minimise the impact on her, including ignoring her if that is her preference. Will you be able to avoid coaching her do you think?

Who funds her gymnastics? Presumably you would not be directly coaching her.

I will be be able avoid coaching her yes as my job would be to teach beginners. The job is only a weekend job so wouldn’t be my full time role, but we need the money. And it would be a great opportunity but she is really unhappy.

Needs must.

What age is she, she sounds like a bit of a brat tbh.

Is there a humongous back story?

Ignore her! Both the screaming and shouting now, AND when you're working there!

She doesn't get to veto what job an adult takes. That's taking 'putting children first' to a ridiculous extreme. She'll have to lump it.

Her tantrum doesn't trump your need to take the job.

Wow, this is an extreme reaction from her. She should be pleased for you. I would say a teenager should not be dictating what job offer you accept. She won't be at that club for ever either. Take it, ask her to be happy for you and say you'll do your best to not get in her way / will give her as much space as possible. Good luck!

Of course you’re being selfish and ruining her life. She’s a teenage girl, pretty much everything you do is being selfish and ruining her life, just your very existence is being selfish and ruining her life. Ultimately, she needs to suck it up and recognise that she doesn’t get to have everything her own way all the time. She is being incredibly selfish herself, but that needs to be explained rather delicately (at least to start with, I might get a bit more blunt if she continued with this attitude). Is there a dad/husband or other involved adult who could talk to her about it rather than the two of you going head to head?

Jesus Christ, tell her that her life will really be ruined if you don't take it because you need money to have a decent quality of life. Tell her to stop being a drama queen and take the job. Tell her she can have a say in what job you're allowed when she actually has to pay for herself

She needs to stop behaving like a spoilt child & remember who is funding her life, and that you are perfectly entitled to take on the role. Go for it!

I am imagining her stropping around like Kevin the Teenager.

Take the job. She will have to just get over it.

Tough! She doesn't get to dictate how money comes into the household. Toddler tantrums in teenagers are just pathetic.

Why is your relationship strained?

I might explain that if I didn't take the job I would no longer be able to afford to pay for her gymnastics/phone etc .....

Yes with the swinging arms and all 😂

Op, she will one day look back and apologise, go for the job, live your life and let her get over herself in due teenage course.

Honestly? I’d tell her to stop being such a brat and I’d take the job. What makes her think you want to hang out with her while you’re at work? As I jokingly not really a joke though tell my kids, the one thing I like about my job is I get a break from them.

Tell her you are taking it.Tell her you will do all you can to keep out of her way. Take the job, but never speak to her about it.

THIS
YOU are in charge OP, not your daughter.

You can absolutely empathise with her about how she might feel. However explaining to her what this job will fund might also be valuable. She wants to go out more or have spends then you need to take it. Or those gymnastics lessons she wants would have to stop if you didn't take it etc. You get my drift.

Well, I must admit I don't suppose many teenagers would jump for joy at their mum in situ when they socialise. But needs must. I assume you pay for her gynastics and everything else for that matter. Tell her she'll have to give up her hobby if she forbids you from taking the job. She can't have it both ways.

Ignore her, I'm sure you won't be teaching her directly. Your finances trump her wants! Well done, hope you enjoy your new weekend job!

My mum got a job at my primary specifically so she could be 'in the know' with what was going on with my education. It mortified me daily. This is so different, she sounds bratty

That's really bratty and selfish behaviour. She has no care and concern for her mother. Surely she has seen you be miserable in your current job? You certainly should take the job because that will give you joy. Your daughter may not be at the club all her life but this is your chance to re-start your career. It's also an opportunity to have a mature conversation with her about seeing and valuing you as a woman and being considerate about your happiness too.