Daughter doesn’t want me to take job offer

[Theyulelog]

I am a qualified gymnastic coach, have been out the game for a long time due to children, hours etc.
my teenage daughter is a gymnast, she’s at the club everyday.
I have another job working in a supermarket, which I hate. I love my old job as a coach but nothing about especially with cost of living crisis.
i have been offered a job at my daughters club. I was over the moon but my teenage daughter is screaming and shouting, crying and begging me not to take the job as she goes there to be with her friends and enjoy time away from home. She doesn’t want her mum there. She says I’m selfish and it’s ruining her life.

im so sad I mite have to give up my dream to have any relationship with her. Our relationship is very strained as it is.

I’ve spoke to her again, she’s literally screaming and crying and begging. That the gymnastics is her safe place with her friends and she doesn’t want me there. She said some of the coaches agree with her too.
I would be coaching, as she would too the younger ones so I would be there but not directly working with her.
i am so angry I’ve had to leave the house. She is beside herself, I’m honestly considering just leaving the job offer. It’s caused so much bloody drama. She’s literally sobbing

Why is your relationship already strained? Is there a back story that’s relevant here?

Do you honestly think that other coaches, who are presumably adults would be telling your teenage daughter, that you shouldn't be taking a job at her club????!!! I very much doubt any of the coaches have said a word to your daughter about the subject or have just listened to her complain. It would be unethical for them to pass comment to her. Your daughter is trying to get her own way, by any means possible, and if that means lying to you or exaggerating the truth, then that's what she'll do. You are her Mum, the adult of the family, and her tantrum doesn't trump you or the job. Take the job, she'll get over it, because she won't have any other bloody choice.

Why are you allowing her to have so much of a say? Her behaviour is bratty and childish and she needs to grow up.

You are the adult and you will make the decision and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to go. And if you pay tell her you will no longer be funding it if she continues.
Safe space my arse - kids nowadays using all this terminology for their own benefit. Your safe space should be your household but it's not with her screaming!

You’re the adult, this is a good job offer in the field that you love, and you need the money.

You make the decision, not her. In the coming years, she’ll presumably age out of her classes and not be there anyway, whereas you can rebuild your career with this opportunity.

Tell her you've decided not to take the job but she will need to fund her hobbies and extras herself by getting a job.

Your daughter is being ridiculous and is showing no empathy or care towards your feelings at all. Your career is important.

Sadly you have brought up a spoilt brat.

take the job.

she can quit if she wants.

What on earth?!!!

Take the job. She goes not get to limit your career.

Tell her you are taking the job but will not be coaching her group, and if the kicking off does not stop she till not be going any more.

In the past, there have been people applying for jobs in schools/activities/etc specifically to ensure that their children have no hiding place. My own parent did this to try to convince the school that she was a lovely, adorable, child loving woman instead of a child abusing nightmare. She even said after she appeared at the school for a trial day was that she'd get to know everything I'd ever said about her and set them straight about me. It made me very wary in jobs I had later (schools, the NHS, social services, etc) where a parent or partner would apply for a role and, unfortunately, sometimes there was reason to be.

I can understand why a teenager could feel like their safe place away from home has been invaded by a parent, even without the abuse angle.

Some of these replies are very harsh. I don’t disagree that the OP should take the job, she should, but calling her dd bratty and spoilt is not going to help. And nor is it realistic for her to show empathy and compassion towards her mother, teens are naturally selfish, it’s part of their development, she won’t be like that for ever.

To her, having a parent at a place that she loves probably does feel like the end of the world. A bit of understanding and validation is called for.

If she was annoyed I’d have sympathy for her, I can see her point to a degree. But sobbing and screaming? Absolutely not, take the job and tell her to pack it in or you won’t be funding her gymnastics any more. No excuse for that behaviour.

She is being incredibly manipulative. You need to stick to your guns

This is a totally different situation.

Her reaction is extreme and is really want to understand why.

Why is your relationship so strained?

Unless OP is missing a lot out here, the DD needs to get over it!

I'm curious as to how did the job offer come about? Did you approach them or vice versa?
Perhaps tell your DD that you need to get up to date experience and will look at moving on once you're back up to speed?

Sounds like there has to be more to this. Your DDs reaction is so extreme. To say it's her safe space there, and if you were there then it wouldn't be safe for her? It all sounds very odd tbh.

This is your dream job that you are qualified for and have extensive experience of. Do the job. Tell your dd that you and her need the money. Are you paying her club fees and training? If so will you get a cheaper rate if you work there? In all cases she can get a job to pay this. She sounds ungrateful for the sacrifices you have made for the family.

Fuck me. Take the job.

I'd be telling her to get a grip and grow up. If she doesn't stop this nonsense, I'd be telling her to fund her own training from now on.

Yes and Yes.

She needs to grow up and get over herself. You need the job and the money. Tell her if you can’t do the job she will have to find her own fees as you won’t be able to.

Time to put your foot down and stop this little madam dictating what job you can and cannot do. Unless you are a monstrous parent, which I very much doubt, there's no reason why you shouldn't be there, your job will be to coach beginners and you will not have time to pay any attention to her.

When I was a teenager my mum worked at my school, so I saw her there every day as well as at home. She enjoyed her job and we appreciated the extra money coming in, I was a typical stroppy teenager in many ways but didn't expect to get a say in my parents' employment.

She didn't have to be so dramatic about it but I agree with her, sure in an absolute emergency I would do it but I wouldnt deliberately do this to my child

yes her reaction is extreme. She says it’s her place to escape from school and home and doesn’t want me there.
we fight like cat and dog. As soon as she turned a teen she has made life hell for all of us. Tantrums, bad behaviour. We are in the middle of an adhd assessment. She can be great but with me and her dad she is awful. Her filth and mess is horrendous. We take the phone off her and she just sits there all day and doesn’t lift a finger. I think it’s adhd that overwhelms her. I should have added that in but I typed in in a state of upset. She is vile to me On a daily basis. Yes I do shout back, she is the one person who can make me angry. Nobody else. I’ve never hurt her but I’m sick of her behaviour