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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter doesn’t want me to take job offer

164 replies

Theyulelog · 29/07/2025 17:45

I am a qualified gymnastic coach, have been out the game for a long time due to children, hours etc.
my teenage daughter is a gymnast, she’s at the club everyday.
I have another job working in a supermarket, which I hate. I love my old job as a coach but nothing about especially with cost of living crisis.
i have been offered a job at my daughters club. I was over the moon but my teenage daughter is screaming and shouting, crying and begging me not to take the job as she goes there to be with her friends and enjoy time away from home. She doesn’t want her mum there. She says I’m selfish and it’s ruining her life.

im so sad I mite have to give up my dream to have any relationship with her. Our relationship is very strained as it is.

OP posts:
Thedoorisalwaysopen · 29/07/2025 18:49

So you have put your career on hold and been out of the game for years - BECAUSE OF HER by your own admission. And now she is older she is trying to block you doing what you are trained to do?

I get she doesn't want you coaching her. She wants you as mum and not coach and she doesn't want to feel like you re watching her or to feel different. That is fine and understandable. But as you say, you will be with the less able gymnasts and just at weekends so that surely shouldn't be an issue.

Perhaps it's time for 'ok DD, we can't afford for you to continue gymnastics. That's fine, I'll de-register you for next season'.

Tia247 · 29/07/2025 18:52

What about a months trial to show her that it won't impact her as much as she thinks. Totally ignore her when you're there. Hopefully she'll see it's not so bad.

I'd have some empathy though, no teenager wants their parents hanging around their hobbies.

LadyLindaT · 29/07/2025 18:54

Very Kevin the Teenager. Congratulations on the job offer.

ThejoyofNC · 29/07/2025 18:55

You don't need permission from your teenage child to work a job.

Tell her to like it or lump it but it's happening. And tell her she's too old to be acting like a petulant toddler whilst you're at it.

Dibble135 · 29/07/2025 18:55

Wow when I was a teenager my mum took a job as a dinner lady at my school. My friends and I took care of her as she was terrified at first! I couldn’t imagine telling her not to take the job.

namechangeGOT · 29/07/2025 18:59

Are there boys at her group OP? If so do you think she might have a ‘thing’ going with one of them and doesn’t want you to know or ‘interfere’? It’s the only reason I could imagine her having this reaction. You need to remind her gently that you will be taking the job and she will have to get used to it.

LittleBobbyDazzler · 29/07/2025 19:00

As a former gymnast with a parent as a coach on the same club, honestly I barely saw my dad. He coached a different ability group as it sounds you will too, and he never interfered with my coaching or training (ok he would give me shit about conditioning as I hated it 😂 but so did my mam).

I do understand your parents are the most uncool people on the planet but ultimately if you need the job, unfortunately she has little say. Emphasise with her, explaining you won't have time to be involved with her as you're there to work with the beginners not her group, ask if she has any specifics she hates (funnily enough my dad had this awful fleece he would wear everywhere I hated and was embarrassed about and I asked him not to wear it in the gym 😂 of course he wore it more being the little prick he is lol) and make a pact not to do x, y, z ect.

CopperWhite · 29/07/2025 19:04

Provided you genuinely can avoid her at the club, you should take the job. Her teenager fear at having her mum impose on the place where she is herself away from home is understandable, but it won’t take her long to realise that you won’t get in her way.

CrispieCake · 29/07/2025 19:06

I'd explain to her that the reality of the financials if anyone in your house wants nice stuff is that either you get a weekend job or she does or the nice stuff stops.

RainbowSlimeLab · 29/07/2025 19:17

You are not the selfish one here. Please don’t let her dictate your life. My mum let my sister rule her at a similar age and the fallout ever since has been horrendous on the whole family.

livingoverseasproblems · 29/07/2025 19:24

Job aside- whats causing the strained relationship? Because while I agree that you should take the job, if neither of you address any of the other issues then yes your relationship is likely to deteriorate further if she's had this much of an extreme reaction

MoveOverToTheSea · 29/07/2025 19:25

I feel that the biggest issue is your strained relationship.
Youre going to struggle with telling her hard truths, finances, no choice etc… if she feels like she needs an escape from home.

Whats going on there?

Coconutter24 · 29/07/2025 19:25

Who pays for her gymnastics? Do you need to earn money to allow her to go?

Dippythedino · 29/07/2025 19:27

If you listen to her then she'll think she'll have power and authority over you for the rest of her life. She'll also displaying controlling and coercive behaviour which isn't a great trait for her future.

LadyLolaRuben · 29/07/2025 19:31

My mum joined the admin team at my high school. I dreaded it. It turned out fine, we kept out of each other's way and my friends liked her. Your daughter like me will get over it

outerspacepotato · 29/07/2025 19:39

You just can't let a teen dictate your job. If you do, you're giving her the ok to behave horribly to get you to do what she wants.

This is a big break for you, you need the money, you have the qualifications, and you won't be working with her, so she can take several seats. She's being bratty and unreasonable.

Foreverm0re · 29/07/2025 19:45

Take the job.

Lavenderflower · 29/07/2025 19:49

It seems like a rather extreme reaction - I think you need to explore the reasons why. With that being said, I hated doing any performance in front my mum as she can be quite critical. I felt less able to be myself around her.

MalcolmMoo · 29/07/2025 19:51

Given you won’t even be coaching her I think it’s fine and your daughter needs to get over it tbh. I’d understand if you were actually coaching your daughter and friends but it sounds like you’re not. Take the job OP

Danikm151 · 29/07/2025 19:51

Go for the job. It will be good for your own benefit as it is what you have experience in.

it’s not like it’s full time and you’ll be in charge of her there. The extra income will benefit her too!

IvyNeighbour · 29/07/2025 19:52

Take the job and let her know that the more fuss she makes the more you'll talk to her while you're there. She accepts you're taking the job graciously and you'll ignore her completely.

cheesycheesy · 29/07/2025 19:52

Bless her. Tell her tough luck

Gizlotsmum · 29/07/2025 19:59

Well she will have to decide which is worse having you as a coach at the club ( but not her coach) or giving up gymnastics

Mum2threemonkeys · 29/07/2025 20:03

Tell her if you don’t accept the job, you can’t afford to pay for her to go there anymore x

Sassybooklover · 29/07/2025 20:10

I presume you are paying for her gymnastics?? The money to fund her hobby, doesn't magically appear each month, you have to earn it. Therefore, if the weekend job at the club your daughter attends, helps family finances, then you take the job. I certainly wouldn't have my teenager dictating to me what job I take. You're the adult, not your daughter, and you are making decisions based on what you think is best for both of you long-term. As the saying goes 'suck it up buttercup'!

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