Daughter doesn’t want me to take job offer

[Theyulelog]

I am a qualified gymnastic coach, have been out the game for a long time due to children, hours etc.
my teenage daughter is a gymnast, she’s at the club everyday.
I have another job working in a supermarket, which I hate. I love my old job as a coach but nothing about especially with cost of living crisis.
i have been offered a job at my daughters club. I was over the moon but my teenage daughter is screaming and shouting, crying and begging me not to take the job as she goes there to be with her friends and enjoy time away from home. She doesn’t want her mum there. She says I’m selfish and it’s ruining her life.

im so sad I mite have to give up my dream to have any relationship with her. Our relationship is very strained as it is.

Realistically how much longer will she be attending for? Is she elite potential or more social? Do other coaches have similar connections. Let her calm down overnight, presumably it is only a couple of sessions you might overlap.

Clearly then she needs to have consequences. SO you'll not take the job but no longer pay for either her phone or her gymnastics - she can figure it out

I’m so upset. It’s been my passion since I was little. I got pregnant young and took on more suitable jobs in that time, had more kids so I’ve never been able to get back into it fully.
she has been attending the club since she was six. She’s never really wanted me there to even watch, because her friends go.
she competes and will still be there for years to come.

when my youngest goes to school, I would like to go into this job full time. But I’ve never been able to. And now my daughter is blocking me.
if I take the job she will hate me, make my life hell. Our crumbling relationship even worse.
if I don’t take the job I’m giving up a chance to do what I love, and pandering to her.
she has cried loudly non stop all night.
i wish I could just walk out and not come back tbh. I won’t but god I am so sick of this with her.

Clearly she’s embarrassed by the thought of you taking a job on what she sees as her turf.

but anyway, she needs to be firmly told to pack it in and yes you should take the job.

I know. This is why it annoys me so much. She acts like she’s from an unloving home and being abused and needs to escape. Her safe place 🙄 I’m sick of her acting like a victim all the time. She is the same in school if teachers are on her back. Everyone else is at fault and she takes no accountability.
I can assure she wasn’t brought up like this.

I think it’s important that you take the job. She’s had her say, you’ve listened and taken it into consideration, but her opinion is not the deciding vote and if she doesn’t want to be around you then that’s her choice. She needs to learn that her extreme reactions will not result in her getting her own way. Once you’ve started the job she’ll see that you barely see each other, she’ll get over it OP.

I would take the job. I think it would be silly not to.You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for your daughter.

She can make her own decisions about gymnastics and whether she wants to do it or not. Assuming her parents can still afford it of course.

Teenagers can be very self involved. She might move out on a few short years and you don’t want to be left with nothing for yourself.

I’m obviously taking a different view here but I do have some sympathy for your daughter. Obviously the tantrum and shouting etc is unacceptable but can no one else here remember that burning embarrassment felt towards a parent?
I can remember how much I would have hated this in her shoes. No it’s not logical or rational or even fair but that’s teenage emotions. If you ignore the emotions there may be lasting consequences for your relationship.
Sorry

"if I take the job she will hate me, make my life hell."
She's not exactly making your life all sweetness and honey at the moment.

Take the job.

(Edited for spelling)

I really feel for you but honestly I wouldn't want to work anywhere near her. Can you count down the days until she is too old for the club or is she likely to carry on for several years?

Think it's the tough route. Take the job. Walk away calmly from any drama that occurs. Let her see that you won't be engaging with her but beginners.

My friend had a lovely teaching job with SEN children at secondary school. When her daughter was due to move up omg the drama. She had to had to resign her post, they couldn't possibly be in the same school . Tears, screaming, drama. My friend didn't of course. Her son on the other hand just said don't embarrass me mum.

Girls are so dramatic sigh ...

I’m getting the whole ‘you don’t understand me’ ‘you will never get me’ that’s my safe place and I don’t want you there.
everyone agrees with me, nobody really wants you there.
apparently I have also took the job away from a volunteer coach as well. Because they wanted me instead. The Only person who wants me there is the boss apparently.
my head is banging with the stress.

Sorry, but DD* doesn't get a say in this. Take the job.
She'll get over it

Take the job. Tell DD to stop being such a spoilt brat.

How old is she? I’m sorry but I have worked in the same school as my children, we had an agreement, we didn’t talk to each other and they referred to me as Mrs X if they were in my department. You do remember your the adult here right?
you won’t be teaching Her. If she doesn’t like it, she can find a job and help with the bills maybe.

You know all of that is bollocks though. Bollocks and buzz words.

She’s 15, adhd. I do understand her discomfort, and it would take some getting used to…but literal tantrums for hours. Part of me thinks wow if you feel so upset over me taking the job, is it worth putting that on our relationship? But then if I don’t take the job, I’m pandering to her. It’s an awful situation

Tell her that you can't afford all her gymnastics unless you take on this extra job. Realistically, who is going to have discussed your appointment with her, other than her friends? It would be very unprofessional for other, adult coaches to have spoken about it.

@Theyulelog Yes, the boss makes the hiring decisions, not the gymnasts and not the volunteers. That’s life and tantruming isn’t going to change it.

Please take the job. Turning it down because of her tantrums is teaching her that this behavior is effective in the real world, and it’s not. If she behaves like this at gymnastics, she’ll be asked to leave it.

Take the job and stop pandering to a very dramatic child.
She will get over it because she has to learn to grow up one day.

Take anything she says with a very large pinch of salt

It’s a life lesson for her. You don’t always get what you want

it’s a job you would enjoy. Why should you stay ata job you don’t like because of a stropy teenager

take the job

She's there every day, you'll be there two days a week, and you won't be teaching her group. She's making a mountain out of a molehill. Just take the job and get on with it.

Children don’t get to make adult decisions, you need a job and this is well suited to your skill set. That’s as far as discussion would go in my house other than to agree ground rules while at work. The world isn’t going to work the way she would ideally like it so best get used to that sooner rather than later.

She’ll get over it.

‘I know you don’t want me to take the job but it’s not your choice. We need the extra income and this is my passion too. So I’m sorry you feel the way you do, but you’ll have to accept my decision.’

Your daughter sounds entitled and if it was me, I would take the job just to teach her a lesson that the world does not revolve around her needs.