To think that DD(8) and DD(1) will always have to share a room when older?

[roomnightmare]

NC’d

I have 3DC: DD 8, DS 6 and DD under 1. DD2 is my DH’s child, older two have a different (same) dad. Before I get comments about bad planning, DD2 was a, very usually reliable, contraceptive failure. Obviously I’m thrilled she’s here now but we didn’t plan at all on having more children.

Currently in a two bedroom flat with a home office that we’ve made DS’ room. It has a high rise bed with his drawers and toys underneath and that’s it, it’s very small. We’d always planned to upsize but we can only afford a 3 bed here and even then, not many are in our price range. We can’t leave the area for so many logistical reasons and even if we could, DD8 would struggle greatly with moving and it would be detrimental to her happiness and well-being.

DS would actually love to share a room with DD2 but that’s not feasible long-term. DD2 is still in our room and will be until we move.

We’re viewing a 3 bedroom house which I’m trying not to get too excited about but would be ideal in terms of it being 3 proper bedrooms and it also has a very small home study which would mean that DD2 could have a cot/toddler bed in it and that she wouldn’t need to share with DD8 until she was out of the toddler years. But given that we can’t widen our potential area, AIBU to think that they will always need to share a room? Dining rooms are very rare here and if you’re lucky you might get a kitchen diner but not a separate dining room. I feel bad for DD8 as when she’s a teenager it won’t be amazing for her; I’d mitigate it as much as I could by letting her have friends round and either giving them the lounge or the bedroom and keep DD2 downstairs or in my room when she wants her friends over and again giving her peace to study when it comes to it. Has anyone else been in this situation? I feel like a bad mum but 3 bedrooms are usually £150k less than 4 bedrooms here and I don’t have that extra £150k+.

Sorry if the DD 2 is confusing, I just mean my second DD who is a baby.

Can dd2 just stay in the small room until dd1 is a teenager and off to uni or whatever? Assuming she does that? Just used dd1s room for all their storage but dd2 sleeps in the officey room?

Or offer DD1 tge option of swapping to the small room later for privacy while using dd2s room for storage as teenagers don't need room to play while young kids do? And I say this as someone who always shared with 3 sisters

@Barnbrackyou wouldn’t fit a single size bed in this room, just a toddlers and that’s it. It’s an office, not a bedroom.

Are any of the rooms big enough to be split into two? Or could you have a loft conversion done?

I’d do anything I could so that DD8 and DD1 do not have to share in the future. I can’t imagine being 14 and starting my period and having my 7 year old sister with me. There’s no privacy. If that means trying to find a home with a slightly bigger study to fit in a single bed (box room) or having the option for a loft conversion then I’d do that. Could you split a room in 2?

So the third bedroom is a loft conversion in both our current home and the one we’re looking at. For arguments sake, forget I mentioned the office as through p two years of looking at homes, this is the second time I’ve seen it, it’s really uncommon and if this one doesn’t work out, the likelihood is we wouldn’t find it again.

It’s not that unusual though

@Imnotsurewhattodobaby2in both our house and the one we’re viewing, the second (DD’s current room) and the third in the house we’re viewing, the room is a loft conversion with slanted ceilings so you can’t split it as you can’t stand straight on one side. Not that DD’s room is big enough anyway currently to split regardless of the ceiling. I hear you though re period and privacy.

We live in a 3 bed house and we have 4 children 3 girls and 1 boy. Our son has the boxroom and our daughters aged 16, 14 and 8 share the biggest room. We were saving to get an attic conversion and our girls asked us not to bother as they liked sharing and no one wanted to be on their own so no point in spending all that money for nothing. They have their arguments and one girl is very messy but they get along most of the time and they are very close as result in fact if my son had his way he would like to be in their room too but at 11 he's too old to share with them. It is working well for us so maybe don't worry too much and enjoy your children. Its not the end of the world if they share s room

Ok, I’m just answering OP’s question like she asked x

I shared a room with my sister , 4 years younger than me, till I left home at 18. It used to be considered quite normal real and with the way rental/ house prices are going I think it will become the norm again.

What about the possibility of a good quality sofa bed in the lounge rather than just a normal sofa?

Then that gives older DD the option to have nights to herself if she ever wants it x

I wouldn't worry about it. You do what you think is best for your children; if you think staying in the area you are in and sharing a room is better for them than moving to a cheaper area and having their own rooms then you do that. You can only work within the parameters of what you can afford at the end of the day.

@Imnotsurewhattodobaby2that is a great idea!! Thank yiu ☺️

Could you house hunt with the mindset of building an extension at some point in the future?

I grew up ina 3 bed house my sister and I shared (6 years older than me) and our elder sister had the single bedroom. It’s totally notmal not everyone can afford a 4 bed house

How big is the study? You cam get child sizes beds that are bigger the toddler beds but smaller then a single. We had them as bunk beds while the DC where younger before we could move to a bigger house. DD slept in hers constabulary till she was 10.

Quite simply, if you don't have the money for a bigger house, they have to share. It's the way it is and you all have to accept it.

My 7 year old is still in a junior bed. And when he was at scouts camp his 10 year old big sis slept in it fine.

Or split a master bedroom into 2 box rooms.

or you set up the living room as your bedroom.

sorry I think everyone deserves their own space.

Even if you can't get a bed in there the smaller room is still an advantage - it can be a mini playroom or similar when they're younger and somewhere to do home work when older, so still a bit of private space which is better than nothing. It's all very well for people to say "well they'll just have to share" but it's a pretty big age gap - at 15 she'll be going to bed a lot later than an 7 year old. At 18 she might be coming home from a night out at 2am while her 11 year old sister needs to get up at 7 for school, etc.

You could maybe look at building a proper summerhouse type shed in the garden as well that the kids could use as a hangout area if there's space.

There are also lots of clever ways a room can be set up to give them a bit of privacy.

too big a deal is made on here about children having to have their own rooms. Reeality is that most people can’t afford a house big enough that all children have their own bedrooms.

It’s only recently that this has become a thing,

Children have shared bedrooms throughout history and nobody has been traumatised by it.

If you can’t afford a four bedroom house then you’re in the majority and the children will just have t share and live with it.

Having siblings is all about learning to compromise.

7 year gap between me and my sister and we shared a room until I moved out at uni. There were never any problems and I never resented having to share. We were given the option of holidays to places like New York and Miami or a loft conversion for our own rooms and we chose the holidays. My Dds will have to share unless we do a loft conversion or move in the future, but I’m not worrying about it. In my experience only people who had their own rooms seem to think it’s a necessity or if they had problems sharing a room when younger, most people aren’t bothered.

Loads of kids share rooms, it’s really not the end of the world, especially with headphones so they can keep their music and games from annoying each other.
maybe have a room divider, a large Kallax or just a screen. Otherwise people have done great room dividers using a bunk bed in the middle, one kid has one half of the room and the bottom bunk and the other has the top and the other half.

I think it's fine. When the 2 DDs have to share, I'd screen their bed areas to make it feel more private using ikea kallax units or curtains or similar and give them the biggest room (assuming you can fit a double into a different room for you). In time (I'm thinking when DD1 is 13/14+), maybe you could fit a shepherds hut or something in the garden to give extra space.

ETA I'm not suggesting the shepherds hut for DD1 to sleep in btw (it sounds a bit like I'm suggesting you farm her out to the shed!) but just to chill with friends etc.

My two children - boys aged 9 and 16 have always shared a room because we live in a 2 bed flat. The older boy has an area set up with his computer in the corridor so he has his own space and the younger one’s toys and stuff are in the living room. They’re fine. Not everyone can afford rooms for all kids.