To think that DD(8) and DD(1) will always have to share a room when older?

[roomnightmare]

NC’d

I have 3DC: DD 8, DS 6 and DD under 1. DD2 is my DH’s child, older two have a different (same) dad. Before I get comments about bad planning, DD2 was a, very usually reliable, contraceptive failure. Obviously I’m thrilled she’s here now but we didn’t plan at all on having more children.

Currently in a two bedroom flat with a home office that we’ve made DS’ room. It has a high rise bed with his drawers and toys underneath and that’s it, it’s very small. We’d always planned to upsize but we can only afford a 3 bed here and even then, not many are in our price range. We can’t leave the area for so many logistical reasons and even if we could, DD8 would struggle greatly with moving and it would be detrimental to her happiness and well-being.

DS would actually love to share a room with DD2 but that’s not feasible long-term. DD2 is still in our room and will be until we move.

We’re viewing a 3 bedroom house which I’m trying not to get too excited about but would be ideal in terms of it being 3 proper bedrooms and it also has a very small home study which would mean that DD2 could have a cot/toddler bed in it and that she wouldn’t need to share with DD8 until she was out of the toddler years. But given that we can’t widen our potential area, AIBU to think that they will always need to share a room? Dining rooms are very rare here and if you’re lucky you might get a kitchen diner but not a separate dining room. I feel bad for DD8 as when she’s a teenager it won’t be amazing for her; I’d mitigate it as much as I could by letting her have friends round and either giving them the lounge or the bedroom and keep DD2 downstairs or in my room when she wants her friends over and again giving her peace to study when it comes to it. Has anyone else been in this situation? I feel like a bad mum but 3 bedrooms are usually £150k less than 4 bedrooms here and I don’t have that extra £150k+.

Sorry if the DD 2 is confusing, I just mean my second DD who is a baby.

Building a bed is what I thought too. You could build a bunk bed in with storage and/or a desk underneath. The room wouldn't be smaller than 5ft and a 5ft bed would to do a child until DD1 is at uni.

Do the two older children see their Dad? Do they have their own rooms at his house? If yes to this then potentially further down the line they may want to live at their Dad's.

For everyone saying children have always shared, I too shared a bedroom, hated it, we had completely different taste in decor too so could never agree on wallpaper or paint colours. Imagine one loves pink and one loves black. The first time I had my own room was at uni and I didn't go home in the holidays much.

Have you reversed your Rightmove search? Go lowest to highest price in your area and see if anything has potential to extend or renovate.

At the end of the day if you cannot afford a 4 bed then you cannot afford it and they will just have to share.

Really? Because I started my period at 11 sharing a room with an 8, 7 and 3 year old. It was grand. I changed my sanitary wear in the bathroom like anyone else and if I bled on my sheets my mum helped me sort it as she did if my wee sister wet herself.

Wow, I mean good for you and your peers, clearly affluent to afford all these bedrooms and extensions.

Meanwhile most of the country cannot...DH and I both shared bedrooms as children without any huge issues and we both remain close to the siblings we shared with. I have 3 young DC in a 3 bed, the baby is in with us at the moment but eventually two of the kids will share. I don't see it as a particularly big deal or hardship, it wasn't for either me, DH or any of our siblings, or cousins, or friends who shared bedrooms in childhood.

From a very privileged viewpoint then.

I had my own room but brothers had to share. Friend of mine shared with her sister and 3 brothers shared one room. All teenagers at the time. Another friend of mine slept on a double mattress with her sister. Another family we knew had a girl and 2 boys sharing the main room wch had wardrobes down the middle of the room dividing it, the boys had bunks one side and the girl a single bed.

Strangely enough everyone coped

Not privileged, no. Just normal.

Throughout history people lived very differently to how they live now. Now it is entirely normal for teens to spend much more time in their rooms communicating online to their friends. My dd18 is always laughing and yakking away her friends in her room. Also listening to music and dancing about. Having friends over etc. in my day we spent more time playing outdoors.
this is just how people live now. You can’t compare how people lived in Victorian England or during the reformation to how teens live in the 21st century

DD1 won’t be able to do any of this normal teen activity with a 7 or 8 year old sibling in the room.

I agree with the posters saying that if you can’t afford a house with enough bedrooms for all children then they will have to share and will be absolutely fine. Sharing is totally fine and normal for children.

That being said I do think it is better if there is the option for them not to share in the future IF at all possible. My two dc (same sex) have recently got their own bedrooms after 4 years of sharing. It is better for them in lots of ways. So, if there’s any way you think it could be a possibility in the future ie possibly look at houses where you could do loft conversions etc, I’d encourage you to do so. It’s always good to have options.

I also don’t think it’s necessarily realistic to expect that children will move out at 18. I am not saying you do op, but some people on MN do. Not all children will go to uni and those that do may well return after graduating at least for the short term.

Best wishes to you op.

Even you must realise your situation was not typical

Me and my sister shared a room, she is 8 years younger than me. I complained at the time and i was jealous of my friends who had their own rooms but it was fine. I got married straight after university so apart from when i was at university and for the 8 years before my sister was born i have always shared a bedroom.

I think it's unfair for children, let alone teens to be sharing a room, let alone a 1 and 8 year old. It shouldn't be acceptable.

What that I lived in a 3 bed house parents in one room, me in one and brothers shared one. How is that not normal?

Hugely privileged. So privileged you don't even realise.

OP it'll be fine. I shared a room til I moved out. Absolutely no issue. Did homework on the shared dining room table.

And what about people living in social housing? A friends daughter is in a one bedroom flat with 2 kids age 9 ( b/g twins)

They have the living room with a sofa bed and kids share bedroom.

But as far as the council are concerned they are not priority to me moved.

Must be loads and loads of people with kids sharing. There's a housing crisis don't you know?

Of course it's unfair! These responses are insane.

I had to share a bedroom with two younger sisters and I hated the lack of privacy. My two younger brothers also shared a room. I stayed out of the house as much as possible and left home at the earliest opportunity.

These Four Yorkshiremen replies are bizarre. The world has moved on a lot since the 80s.

Unfair for children to share a bedroom? Are you for real? Of course it's fair and absolutely fine and perfectly normal. How the other half live 🤣.

Reported the troll.

Fwiw she can house them.

It's really not normal. It was normal in my parents generation, when they had 5 or more kids. It's not normal now, it's actually a poverty indicator. HTH.

Is the master bedroom big enough that you could split it? And you and DH take the 2nd largest room? Failing that, the office to be given to oldest for studying?

I don't think sharing is a big deal until oldest in secondary, has lots of homework and friends round. Mine are 3 years apart have own rooms but for past couple years wanted to share and were camping out in each other's rooms several nights a week so we put bunk beds in youngests room and now oldest hasn't slept in her own room for several months and both are sleeping better and closer. Sharing can be a positive thing

If they have to share then that’s what will happen… it can’t be helped. Currently my two children (DS6 and DD4) have to share with step/half siblings (SD12 and SS8). The girls in one room and boys in another. Luckily we also have a home office on the ground floor that SD12 has taken to hanging out in. I’m working on making this less work like and with some comfy arm chairs/craft storage for her. I can’t change it to her bedroom as atm work into the evenings on Teams and need the private space to do that. My bedroom wouldn’t work as DD4 still falls asleep in there.

what I’m trying to say is sacrifices are sometimes made, they will be fine.

At least you do recognise that it's 'half' and not the 1% or whatever other nonsense people were saying earlier. As I said before, I don't know anyone whose children share a room and I didn't know all that many growing up, either.

A poverty indicator 😂😂

Shit I'm second generation povvo.