To think that DD(8) and DD(1) will always have to share a room when older?

[roomnightmare]

NC’d

I have 3DC: DD 8, DS 6 and DD under 1. DD2 is my DH’s child, older two have a different (same) dad. Before I get comments about bad planning, DD2 was a, very usually reliable, contraceptive failure. Obviously I’m thrilled she’s here now but we didn’t plan at all on having more children.

Currently in a two bedroom flat with a home office that we’ve made DS’ room. It has a high rise bed with his drawers and toys underneath and that’s it, it’s very small. We’d always planned to upsize but we can only afford a 3 bed here and even then, not many are in our price range. We can’t leave the area for so many logistical reasons and even if we could, DD8 would struggle greatly with moving and it would be detrimental to her happiness and well-being.

DS would actually love to share a room with DD2 but that’s not feasible long-term. DD2 is still in our room and will be until we move.

We’re viewing a 3 bedroom house which I’m trying not to get too excited about but would be ideal in terms of it being 3 proper bedrooms and it also has a very small home study which would mean that DD2 could have a cot/toddler bed in it and that she wouldn’t need to share with DD8 until she was out of the toddler years. But given that we can’t widen our potential area, AIBU to think that they will always need to share a room? Dining rooms are very rare here and if you’re lucky you might get a kitchen diner but not a separate dining room. I feel bad for DD8 as when she’s a teenager it won’t be amazing for her; I’d mitigate it as much as I could by letting her have friends round and either giving them the lounge or the bedroom and keep DD2 downstairs or in my room when she wants her friends over and again giving her peace to study when it comes to it. Has anyone else been in this situation? I feel like a bad mum but 3 bedrooms are usually £150k less than 4 bedrooms here and I don’t have that extra £150k+.

Sorry if the DD 2 is confusing, I just mean my second DD who is a baby.

I think that sounds fine. You can always reassess as the kids get older. It needn't necessarily be your final move ever. You've got a while before they outgrow toddler beds and reach their teens and issues might start cropping up.

I think the gap is too big, however that’s coming from someone who as an only child, never had to share a room, so it isn’t something I’d have my kids do (unless they wanted to).

I think it's fine. When your DD8 is older and doing exams, she should have the study to herself to work in, and then a bed in the shared room.

I’ve seen quite a few posts on instagram where parents have split a room with Kallax shelving - you could use them with extra wood on top to create a partition across one half (with a triangle top fitted to the slope) and tuck their beds behind it. That way they’ve got a bit of privacy without creating fully separate rooms, plus plenty of storage!

Would you be able to have a bed built specially for the little room that would be big enough, at least until older DD has left home?

Many siblings share a room. My childhood friends grew up three in a room and they are very close as adults. I have two siblings, 5 years apart, who share - the oldest is about to start secondary. We may be able to move somewhere bigger in a few years time, but I don't think it's the end of the world if we don't manage to do so.

I shared with my sister until I was 14 and they had a extention built (she was 17). Your circumstances may change in years to come so you are being unreasonable to assume it will always be like this. It's not the end of the world to share with a sibling. I have family members where brothers share as she has 4 kids. Its a pretty first world problem you are buying a home they have a garden they will be fine.

Coming from a large family shared rooms if you've never been brought up like it then you won't know that it can be fun..Same for my own large family got 15 and a 5 yr old sharing and twin 3 sharing and a 25 and 4 sharing and they have always been asked if they want there own rooms and they all love each others company and each room is fairly large and specifically made so olders still have there own tv,gaming can talk at night without disturbing the other etc.

Almost a seven year gap between DDs and they share a room. I can never get my head around the drama on MN about room sharing. I never shared a room
but most of my classmates did. We own our own home, we are mortgage free, we live in a nice area and have a nice lifestyle. We could move house but I like never worrying about heating bills and things like that and I’ve just booked a nice trip away for the Halloween mid term break. If we moved house that would change, we could afford it but we would definitely be tightening our belts.

Sharing bedrooms is fine and utterly unremarkable. It’s only very very recently that people have gone all uptight about children sharing. It’s normal and healthy to live a full family life not be all separated into little spaces that are “yours” and private.

Why does she need privacy on her period? She will change her pads in the toilet not her bedroom. Very odd to be worried about this. We all have periods it's not a big deal. I assume you stay in the same bed as your husband when on your period and don't find that weird. Two female siblings in different beds is no concern at all.

I mean absolutely normal to have to share a room.
I remember sharing with my sister 6 years older than me.

But to throw it out there, when dd1 is older, what's the garden space like? Can you get a shed that can be her little domain and chill out area?

If you have space use your kitchen as a lounge with a folding leaf table for extra space.

Then the lounge/living room can be your master bedroom then all children get a bedroom upstairs each.

I think you have to be creative with space.

It should be. It also is highly unusual in my experience.

My brothers with a similar age gap shared with no issues. I had friends who shared with siblings to, one family had 3 in one room. Children don't need their own room, siblings have shared forever, this thought that they must all have their own room is quite new and completely unnecessary.

@ExercicenformedeZ- what a privileged life you’ve led

I would have your daughters sharing as soon as DD1 reliably sleeps all night it is much easier to get used to sharing at 8 and 1 rather than waiting until 11 and 4, the tiny office space could be a small playroom right now ( so Dd1 can play there while her younger sister goes to bed earlier, and later when DD1 at secondary could become a study area and DD2 plays in her room, with a tiny night light and headphones DD2 can get used to going to bed and sleeping even if DD1 comes to bed later , if funs allow you could build a garden room from a shed as a hang out space for whoever has a playdate or friends over

No, I haven't. My life is normal middle class. We're not living in the eighties any more, the world moves on and expectations differ. I don't know anyone whose children share a room. And especially not with that age gap.

Room sharing is fine.

it’s only recently everyone gets hey about about children needing their own rooms. Or should say only on Mn!

When they live to sharing in a few years could you not convert the office into a working office so DD1 can study in there and her and friends can use that space when they visit rather than needing the bedroom?

The bedroom is for sleeping only and you can use a divide like ikea kallax if needed which doubles up as storage.

It isn't fine. OP is rightly thinking of ways around it.

Of course it's fine. And given you've never known a single person who has shared a room, I'm not sure how you would know whether it is fine or not.

I went to boarding school and so spent most my teenage years sharing with 4-6 other girls - we survived! Clearly this is a good solution for the near to medium term and maybe you’ll come up with a better solution later but your children will be safely housed in all scenarios so don’t worry.

I also don't know anyone whose children share a room. And if they're a bedroom short, they're getting extensions done.

This is a really odd thing to be concerned about. When I started my period aged 11 I was sharing a bunk bed with my younger brother. It was absolutely fine 🤷🏼‍♀️