To think that DD(8) and DD(1) will always have to share a room when older?

[roomnightmare]

NC’d

I have 3DC: DD 8, DS 6 and DD under 1. DD2 is my DH’s child, older two have a different (same) dad. Before I get comments about bad planning, DD2 was a, very usually reliable, contraceptive failure. Obviously I’m thrilled she’s here now but we didn’t plan at all on having more children.

Currently in a two bedroom flat with a home office that we’ve made DS’ room. It has a high rise bed with his drawers and toys underneath and that’s it, it’s very small. We’d always planned to upsize but we can only afford a 3 bed here and even then, not many are in our price range. We can’t leave the area for so many logistical reasons and even if we could, DD8 would struggle greatly with moving and it would be detrimental to her happiness and well-being.

DS would actually love to share a room with DD2 but that’s not feasible long-term. DD2 is still in our room and will be until we move.

We’re viewing a 3 bedroom house which I’m trying not to get too excited about but would be ideal in terms of it being 3 proper bedrooms and it also has a very small home study which would mean that DD2 could have a cot/toddler bed in it and that she wouldn’t need to share with DD8 until she was out of the toddler years. But given that we can’t widen our potential area, AIBU to think that they will always need to share a room? Dining rooms are very rare here and if you’re lucky you might get a kitchen diner but not a separate dining room. I feel bad for DD8 as when she’s a teenager it won’t be amazing for her; I’d mitigate it as much as I could by letting her have friends round and either giving them the lounge or the bedroom and keep DD2 downstairs or in my room when she wants her friends over and again giving her peace to study when it comes to it. Has anyone else been in this situation? I feel like a bad mum but 3 bedrooms are usually £150k less than 4 bedrooms here and I don’t have that extra £150k+.

Sorry if the DD 2 is confusing, I just mean my second DD who is a baby.

I know loads of people who shared a bedroom growing up with a similar age gap. It’s normal. Not everyone can afford a four bed house. It’ll be easier to move now whilst eldest girl is in primary school.

Seems very typical that all boys get bunged into one room and the girl gets a room all to herself. I know three families locally with three boys and a girl in a 3 bed terraced house. I always feel sorry for those boys.

Well then you take that room and DDs can split your room 🤷‍♀️

I am in a 4 bed (4th bedroom is tiny and only fits a bed, desk and wardrobe.) I have 4 children. We are on a sofa bed in the front room. Eldest is now at uni so we migrate to her bedroom during term time. but it allows them all their own space.

More or less what we've done this year. Makes sense using the lounge as master bedroom. Saves having to move house especially if everyone is settled in school.

Because if there's only one girl what other way would you do it?

If it was 2 girls and a boy then the girls would share

My 24yo and 19yo are still technically sharing, although we were able to put in a partition wall for privacy. Tbf, I hadn’t expected my children to be here so long!

It will become their normal to share and not everyone can have perfection given how expensive things are now.

I get what you're saying, but if you are one of those boys imagine how you would feel? I only recently found out one of those families has their eldest who is 15 in his own room, the two younger boys share, the little girl who is 5 or 6 gets her own room which means the parents must be in the living room for a bedroom as it's a three bed terraced they live in. I am acutely aware she kept trying until she got a girl regardless of how many boys she had first. She made no secret of it. Absolutely I do feel sorry for those boys. Not claiming this happened in your own family but it does happen where parents purposefully keep going even though they just don't have the space even of there's a risk of the opposite sex last...

I had two to a bedroom so they all were treated the same up until recently where the two teens now have a room each.

Why do you feel so sorry for them? Have they given you any reason to believe they are unhappy?

I'll blow your minds. I shared a room while we had a spare bedroom. Never occurred to me that I needed my own room, never wanted one, didn't really like having one at university and prefer sharing.

Really don't get the angst. As for parents sleeping on a sofa bed so their same sex kids have their own rooms, crazy.

It’s the teen years you have to be careful with OP. They can be difficult and sometimes explosive. My experience is if they don’t have their own space they storm out rather than storm into the bedroom. But look, you know your DC best and will do what you can to make it work.

I shared a room with my sister growing up until we left home. It’s not that big of a deal. We weren’t that close either

Strange how kids need their own space but apparently adults don't. Can't figure this out

Yes because they're crammed into one bedroom where the youngest gets a room all to herself until just recently! One of the other families I know do still have three boys in one room (one is an adult now) and the girl has always had a room to herself. Hardly fair is it?

So you have no idea if they're unhappy or not? Save your sympathy for people that actually need it.
Life isn't always perfectly fair, most people can handle that.
If one of them is an adult and still living there he clearly isn't too miserable...

Sorry if I’ve missed it but do you have a dining room?
I'm currently pregnant with my 4th baby but my oldest has left home so we’ll have 3 under 9 at home. Once the baby is here and needs their own space we are going to turn the dining room into a 4th bedroom and have a fold up table for eating in the lounge.

More like he cannot afford to move out to buy his own place.

If he really hated it he'd fine a house share. You're just judging and assuming based on nothing at all.

There are so, so many things worse than sharing a room... it's certainly not an issue round here...

Yes, couple it be a homework study so that the two girls have space to be apart when needed. Also if DD2 is short she might fit in a toddler for a while.

Sensible option. No point moving house if you can think creatively with what you've got. We didn't want an extension because it would have meant taking out a loan and we don't want to be saddled with debt at our ages.

Yes, sometimes sacrifices have to be made. We are creating a wet room downstairs now we are sleeping in a room downstairs so we can have our own washing facilities away from the DC. They can have the upstairs bathroom. The cupboard is huge so will be partly converted into a wet room. Thinking ahead incase we have any disabilities in the future...

I had to share a room for years and it didn’t kill me. It’s a pain, but I would prefer to exist and have had to share a room than have never been born lol. Mine will have to share while we look for a bigger house once my third DD has been born. It’s character building…

I don’t understand why the idea of parents sleeping on a sofa bed to allow the children to have their own space is so utterly alien to some. My children didn’t ask to be born and, as such, deserve to be treated equally and have their own space. We chose to have them and chose to sleep on a sofa bed downstairs. It’s not forever, we have one DD at uni now, and a DS hopefully going in September. I’m not sure how people can decide which children ‘deserve’ their own rooms? For me I couldn’t decide so they all got a room each and we sleep downstairs on a sofa bed. It’s not ideal but no way could I decide which of my children deserved their own room. We treat them equally.

Yes, we had a small single bed in our box room. It measured 2ft 6ins by 6ft 3ins. Certainly not a problem for adult DD when she moved back home. Initially, it was DS's room when he was young. He had a small cabin bed in there.