Boyfriend made awful first impression with my parents and blames me

[MerryLeah]

My Boyfriend met my parents for the first time yesterday and it was a disaster.

This was arranged weeks ago and at the time, I said to him that as he had a planned day out for a friends birthday the day before, that we could decline and find another date. He was absolutely adamant he’d feel fine on the Sunday and that he wouldn’t be drinking heavily, even saying this would give him an excuse to be home early.

Fast forward to Saturday, he gets home to mine (don’t live together but he was staying here) later than he says (just gone midnight) and is steaming drunk, but still tells me he will be fine the next day and ‘hangovers don’t affect’ him.

We were meeting my parents at their house for a roast and turned up as agreed mid-afternoon. My boyfriend uses the loo twice in the first 30/40 minutes (for 5+ minutes each time) and again in the middle of eating lunch. He said to me his stomach was playing up from the day before.

He initially declined any alcohol when my parents offered but eventually said he would have some, and this was just as if he was topping up as after a couple of bottles of beer he perked right up but wasn’t making a lot of sense in terms of what he was saying.

My Dad asked him about his friends and what sort of things they do for a living. He said that some of them haven’t really grown up much and still live for the weekend. He worded this really inappropriately ‘their Saturday is a day out in town for a few beers, football, a curry and a brass’. I could tell from the look on my parents faces they were really taken aback.

When we got home I told him that I felt he let me down and he was really defensive and said it was a stupid choice of date given he had a friends birthday the day before. I told him he didn’t have to go on this date and even if he said on the morning he was unwell, we could have cancelled.

AIBU thinking this is all on him? I don’t know what more I could have done. To pre-empt some questions, we are coming up to 5/6 months together and we’ve not had any issues up to this point.

No wonder your parents are unhappy. He sounds like an immature idiot. The “brass” comment is particularly revolting.

Having a hangover could be the reason for the toilet trips, but not for his comments to your parents. Saying his friends spend Saturdays getting drunk than having sex with prostitutes is pretty much saying that's how he spends his Saturday.

For that I would definately dump him - for blaming you on making him go, that's double for dumping. You're not responsible for his awful behaviour.

'Brass' is a prostitute.

Correct. This was all a problem of his own making. So that is who he is: someone who will always take the path of least resistance and fuck up the part that involves you, then blame you for it if you point out things could have gone better. Just dump this moron. He won’t ripen, at his age, he will just rot.

Yep this is all on him.
He sounds immature and can't handle his drink.

I don’t mean to laugh at the misfortunes of others, but I can see this as a comedy sketch. 🤭

Nuts....I would be very 😟

As opposed to keeping a bit of him? His hands? Ears?

A brass. I would actually pass away.

Dump him. Even before the comment about brass, he is a dickhead for blaming you for his own behaviour

If you were my daughter I’d be mortified (on your behalf) and asking you what you see in this oik.

Well if you continue with the relationship OP you now know what to expect. Every family event, birthdays, weddings and funerals you will be hoping he doesn't mention prostitution. It wouldn't be for me, I would be constantly anxious about what he might say or do next.

This.

Anyone can mess up. It would be a very different story if he was mortified, and apologised. He's not doing that though, is he?

Also, I could never be with someone who is ok with their friends renting an actual person for sex. Not the kind of values I could accept

How many red flags would you like OP?

You could be right about the cocaine.

I’ve never even heard of the term (other than slang for money or brass neck). I would be very cautious about the company he keeps and very turned off that he uses the term so freely and casually that he can't even censor himself in front of your parents!

He must have known that meeting the parents is a critical stage in a relationship (and important to you) but despite all that, he gets blind drunk and makes himself ill! To me, that’s just massively disrespectful to you, especially when it’s important to make a good first impression.

I could get over the loo breaks and the stupid comment about ‘brass’ if he was nervous but nah, I’d be really upset if my DP did this.

What did your parents think?

He’s a fool to himself.

Does he drink a lot generally?

I knew someone and early days in our relationship, he had a very important work presentation and he did similar (said he wouldn’t).
His breath smelt like rocket fuel and he could hardly string a sentence together.
Turned out he was a functioning alcoholic.

She's gone. She only posted 2 posts. Take that as you may

A lot of A I on here. Pity.

Lady of negotiable affection.

That’s embarrassing, but your parents are smart, they knew by asking about his friends would give a good insight to who he is.

What does that mean?

Not sure I'd go and poo twice at the house of someone's parents the first time I met them for lunch .Hopefully he didn't add the 'hilarious' bloke phrase "I'd give that 5 minutes" when he got back to the table

He sounds gross. I’d dump him Op. you deserve someone better.

A woman who bargains for her affections, a lady of the night, a sex worker.