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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend made awful first impression with my parents and blames me

648 replies

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 15:26

My Boyfriend met my parents for the first time yesterday and it was a disaster.

This was arranged weeks ago and at the time, I said to him that as he had a planned day out for a friends birthday the day before, that we could decline and find another date. He was absolutely adamant he’d feel fine on the Sunday and that he wouldn’t be drinking heavily, even saying this would give him an excuse to be home early.

Fast forward to Saturday, he gets home to mine (don’t live together but he was staying here) later than he says (just gone midnight) and is steaming drunk, but still tells me he will be fine the next day and ‘hangovers don’t affect’ him.

We were meeting my parents at their house for a roast and turned up as agreed mid-afternoon. My boyfriend uses the loo twice in the first 30/40 minutes (for 5+ minutes each time) and again in the middle of eating lunch. He said to me his stomach was playing up from the day before.

He initially declined any alcohol when my parents offered but eventually said he would have some, and this was just as if he was topping up as after a couple of bottles of beer he perked right up but wasn’t making a lot of sense in terms of what he was saying.

My Dad asked him about his friends and what sort of things they do for a living. He said that some of them haven’t really grown up much and still live for the weekend. He worded this really inappropriately ‘their Saturday is a day out in town for a few beers, football, a curry and a brass’. I could tell from the look on my parents faces they were really taken aback.

When we got home I told him that I felt he let me down and he was really defensive and said it was a stupid choice of date given he had a friends birthday the day before. I told him he didn’t have to go on this date and even if he said on the morning he was unwell, we could have cancelled.

AIBU thinking this is all on him? I don’t know what more I could have done. To pre-empt some questions, we are coming up to 5/6 months together and we’ve not had any issues up to this point.

OP posts:
Mookie81 · 28/07/2025 21:34

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 15:26

My Boyfriend met my parents for the first time yesterday and it was a disaster.

This was arranged weeks ago and at the time, I said to him that as he had a planned day out for a friends birthday the day before, that we could decline and find another date. He was absolutely adamant he’d feel fine on the Sunday and that he wouldn’t be drinking heavily, even saying this would give him an excuse to be home early.

Fast forward to Saturday, he gets home to mine (don’t live together but he was staying here) later than he says (just gone midnight) and is steaming drunk, but still tells me he will be fine the next day and ‘hangovers don’t affect’ him.

We were meeting my parents at their house for a roast and turned up as agreed mid-afternoon. My boyfriend uses the loo twice in the first 30/40 minutes (for 5+ minutes each time) and again in the middle of eating lunch. He said to me his stomach was playing up from the day before.

He initially declined any alcohol when my parents offered but eventually said he would have some, and this was just as if he was topping up as after a couple of bottles of beer he perked right up but wasn’t making a lot of sense in terms of what he was saying.

My Dad asked him about his friends and what sort of things they do for a living. He said that some of them haven’t really grown up much and still live for the weekend. He worded this really inappropriately ‘their Saturday is a day out in town for a few beers, football, a curry and a brass’. I could tell from the look on my parents faces they were really taken aback.

When we got home I told him that I felt he let me down and he was really defensive and said it was a stupid choice of date given he had a friends birthday the day before. I told him he didn’t have to go on this date and even if he said on the morning he was unwell, we could have cancelled.

AIBU thinking this is all on him? I don’t know what more I could have done. To pre-empt some questions, we are coming up to 5/6 months together and we’ve not had any issues up to this point.

I've selected YABU as you're unreasonable for being with such a stupid cunt.
Get rid.

Newgirls · 28/07/2025 21:40

if he can joke about prostitution with a girlfriends parents what the hell is he like with his mates? And what has he done with them on stags etc yuk

Original poster
MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 21:41

We’ve had a more measured conversation about it over the phone. He has apologised and is genuinely sad about how it went yesterday. He said he got carried away with his friends and shouldn’t have been peer pressured but it’s a huge lesson learnt.

He also said he was wrong to blame me when we spoke yesterday and to be fair to him, it was the wrong time for me to bring it up the day after.

Actions definitely speak louder than words so I will be watching closely now but I’m glad I posted on here as it re-assured me I was right in my feelings and gave me the confidence to address things with him again tonight.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 28/07/2025 21:45

Yeah, you will be back here in 10 years time posting about this awful man and everyone will be saying you should have LTB 10 years ago.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 28/07/2025 21:45

FurForksSake · 28/07/2025 21:09

This is real life, she’s spent 5-6 months with him, do people really block and dump people for messing up like this? I would be keeping a close eye for red flags and for this to be rectified and this behaviour would shape my opinion.

How many more red flags do you need?!

Lighteningstrikes · 28/07/2025 21:46

You’ll regret standing by him.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 28/07/2025 21:48

FurForksSake · 28/07/2025 21:09

This is real life, she’s spent 5-6 months with him, do people really block and dump people for messing up like this? I would be keeping a close eye for red flags and for this to be rectified and this behaviour would shape my opinion.

Some people do, and move on to bigger and better things.

Others don't, and waste another 5 or 6 years (and the chance to have children with someone decent) before realising that the guy who was already an arsehole at the beginning is still an arsehole.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 28/07/2025 21:50

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 21:41

We’ve had a more measured conversation about it over the phone. He has apologised and is genuinely sad about how it went yesterday. He said he got carried away with his friends and shouldn’t have been peer pressured but it’s a huge lesson learnt.

He also said he was wrong to blame me when we spoke yesterday and to be fair to him, it was the wrong time for me to bring it up the day after.

Actions definitely speak louder than words so I will be watching closely now but I’m glad I posted on here as it re-assured me I was right in my feelings and gave me the confidence to address things with him again tonight.

Good luck, I've a feeling you're going to need it

🚩 Pisshead
🚩 Cokehead
🚩 Immature as fuck
🚩 Influenced by his pathetic friends
🚩 Blaming you
🚩 Can't even be arsed making an effort

Fuck that shit

millymoo1202 · 28/07/2025 21:51

He said that to your patents, oh dear, get rid!

anytipswelcome · 28/07/2025 21:58

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 21:41

We’ve had a more measured conversation about it over the phone. He has apologised and is genuinely sad about how it went yesterday. He said he got carried away with his friends and shouldn’t have been peer pressured but it’s a huge lesson learnt.

He also said he was wrong to blame me when we spoke yesterday and to be fair to him, it was the wrong time for me to bring it up the day after.

Actions definitely speak louder than words so I will be watching closely now but I’m glad I posted on here as it re-assured me I was right in my feelings and gave me the confidence to address things with him again tonight.

No thoughts on him having a friendship group that pays for sex and him being so blasé about it that he calls sex workers brasses and uses the term in front of your parents?

Trovindia · 28/07/2025 21:59

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 21:41

We’ve had a more measured conversation about it over the phone. He has apologised and is genuinely sad about how it went yesterday. He said he got carried away with his friends and shouldn’t have been peer pressured but it’s a huge lesson learnt.

He also said he was wrong to blame me when we spoke yesterday and to be fair to him, it was the wrong time for me to bring it up the day after.

Actions definitely speak louder than words so I will be watching closely now but I’m glad I posted on here as it re-assured me I was right in my feelings and gave me the confidence to address things with him again tonight.

Why was it the wrong time for you to bring it up? When should you have brought it up? He's doing a number on you here, I would finish it, he's walking red bunting.

Original poster
MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 22:00

anytipswelcome · 28/07/2025 21:58

No thoughts on him having a friendship group that pays for sex and him being so blasé about it that he calls sex workers brasses and uses the term in front of your parents?

Show quote history

He isn’t responsible for what his friends get up to, they are old friends he hardly sees.

OP posts:
dayslikethese1 · 28/07/2025 22:01

So he and his friends think it's completely normal to use sex workers on a weekend? And not only that but to talk about them in derogatory terms. That seems like a big red flag tbh.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 28/07/2025 22:01

Trovindia · 28/07/2025 21:59

Why was it the wrong time for you to bring it up? When should you have brought it up? He's doing a number on you here, I would finish it, he's walking red bunting.

Show quote history

I think a good time to bring it up would have been as soon as they got back to her place, whilst handing him his toothbrush and asking for her spare front door key back.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 28/07/2025 22:01

Hmmm… I think this is going to be pretty hard to come back from to be honest. He made a joke about using prostitutes in front of your parents, and unbelievably that’s not even the worst thing he did. His instinct to try to blame you for his appalling behaviour is a massive red flag and you know it. At six months you don’t really know him very well, and you haven’t invested much time into this relationship.

In your early thirties, if you want to settle down and have babies with someone there can start being a sense of urgency to find the right someone. You might think that you don’t want to be single again and starting from scratch, but it’s more important to not waste any more of your precious time on the wrong one. of course if you don’t want kids it matters less if you waste time on the wrong person, but seriously, can you imagine the right person behaving like this?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 28/07/2025 22:02

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 22:00

He isn’t responsible for what his friends get up to, they are old friends he hardly sees.

Show quote history

Says a lot about a person...the company they keep

Andbegin · 28/07/2025 22:04

Blimey. What sort of women actually wants a guy who thinks getting on the beers and prostitutes makes them “immature”?
Immature are the guys that have never had a drink or shag.
Football, drinking and paying for sex in their 30’s is twat behaviour. Your boyfriend sounds like a moron.
Look for a bloke with a useful hobby, who doesn’t need to get pissed up and who is happy with a wank if he can’t find the emotional connection with a real person.

LemonMum21 · 28/07/2025 22:06

This is a man child who clearly thinks you're his new mother and are here to manage his schedule lmao. Tell him he needs to take some responsibility for his own life.
Sometimes my partner is late for work and blames me for not waking him up and I just laugh. Man is almost 40 years old.

Rallentanda · 28/07/2025 22:07

You know what? I don't like the sound of him.

I wasn't even there and I can tell he is just a total dickhead. Imagine how your parents are feeling. They invited him into their home and he talked about his friends using prostitutes. First time he's met them! Blimey.

Hoping for your sake you can disentangle yourself soon and you find someone with at least normal levels of social awareness.

CleaningAngel · 28/07/2025 22:09

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 21:41

We’ve had a more measured conversation about it over the phone. He has apologised and is genuinely sad about how it went yesterday. He said he got carried away with his friends and shouldn’t have been peer pressured but it’s a huge lesson learnt.

He also said he was wrong to blame me when we spoke yesterday and to be fair to him, it was the wrong time for me to bring it up the day after.

Actions definitely speak louder than words so I will be watching closely now but I’m glad I posted on here as it re-assured me I was right in my feelings and gave me the confidence to address things with him again tonight.

Don't think your parents will forget!!

AuntMarch · 28/07/2025 22:09

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 22:00

He isn’t responsible for what his friends get up to, they are old friends he hardly sees.

Show quote history

You're being stupid.

AuntMarch · 28/07/2025 22:11

I would say he must be a brilliant shag, I can't think of another reason you'd brush this off. But he also sounds far too up his own selfish arse to be, so I'm stumped.

dayslikethese1 · 28/07/2025 22:14

Same Rallentanda bad vibes

Cosyblankets · 28/07/2025 22:15

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 21:41

We’ve had a more measured conversation about it over the phone. He has apologised and is genuinely sad about how it went yesterday. He said he got carried away with his friends and shouldn’t have been peer pressured but it’s a huge lesson learnt.

He also said he was wrong to blame me when we spoke yesterday and to be fair to him, it was the wrong time for me to bring it up the day after.

Actions definitely speak louder than words so I will be watching closely now but I’m glad I posted on here as it re-assured me I was right in my feelings and gave me the confidence to address things with him again tonight.

When would the right time to bring it up?

CJFJ1 · 28/07/2025 22:15

Have you spoken to your parents since yesterday, OP? Not that they should dictate what course of action you take, but it would be interesting to know how they feel the lunch went.