Boyfriend made awful first impression with my parents and blames me

[MerryLeah]

My Boyfriend met my parents for the first time yesterday and it was a disaster.

This was arranged weeks ago and at the time, I said to him that as he had a planned day out for a friends birthday the day before, that we could decline and find another date. He was absolutely adamant he’d feel fine on the Sunday and that he wouldn’t be drinking heavily, even saying this would give him an excuse to be home early.

Fast forward to Saturday, he gets home to mine (don’t live together but he was staying here) later than he says (just gone midnight) and is steaming drunk, but still tells me he will be fine the next day and ‘hangovers don’t affect’ him.

We were meeting my parents at their house for a roast and turned up as agreed mid-afternoon. My boyfriend uses the loo twice in the first 30/40 minutes (for 5+ minutes each time) and again in the middle of eating lunch. He said to me his stomach was playing up from the day before.

He initially declined any alcohol when my parents offered but eventually said he would have some, and this was just as if he was topping up as after a couple of bottles of beer he perked right up but wasn’t making a lot of sense in terms of what he was saying.

My Dad asked him about his friends and what sort of things they do for a living. He said that some of them haven’t really grown up much and still live for the weekend. He worded this really inappropriately ‘their Saturday is a day out in town for a few beers, football, a curry and a brass’. I could tell from the look on my parents faces they were really taken aback.

When we got home I told him that I felt he let me down and he was really defensive and said it was a stupid choice of date given he had a friends birthday the day before. I told him he didn’t have to go on this date and even if he said on the morning he was unwell, we could have cancelled.

AIBU thinking this is all on him? I don’t know what more I could have done. To pre-empt some questions, we are coming up to 5/6 months together and we’ve not had any issues up to this point.

Or maybe they are decent men.

I don't think how he was with your parents is the issues.

The issue is that he sounds bloody awful. He goes out with his mates on a saturday afternoon for beer curry and a sex worker.

sounds delightful

And as the cherry on top, the children will have his surname.

Maybe the men around you hold their tongue in your company

Or maybe they don't consort with prostitutes.

A relationship with someone who doesn’t think things through and automatically blames you when something goes wrong is utterly miserable OP. Don’t do this to yourself.

There were so many things he could have chosen to do differently and he didn’t. That should tell you all you know. I would not be surprised if this was all deliberate so he has a reason not to see your family again “because they dont like him”.

I really hope you bin him immediately.

Seriously.....run!
I ignored these type of exact red flags & had kids with him & believe me if he puts drink first,can't or won't make a sensible decision or put you first, then that is not going to change once you marry/have kids it'll only get worse....this is your warning if how it'll always be no matter what he says, remember words are cheap, actions will ALWAYS tell you how he feels about you

He's just a lad. Without serious purposes for you or future kids

Sad for you

Yes but the way it’s worded like a bad reaction to a shot 😂 made me laugh!!

Consort with prostitutes indeed! 😂

Never mind what your parents think, I'd struggle to find him attractive.after that. He sounds really immature and not someone you'd want to have a serious relationship or kids with because no, they do not change.

Yeuch!
Raise your standards.

This guy sounds like an immature loser, sorry. Definitely not marriage material.

That being said, a lot of them men (and people in general) in my life go on the offense when they felt put on the defense. It's wrong, but not uncommon. If you had to choose between finding someone who is capable of owning their actions and apologizing versus someone who blames others for their mistakes, who would it be? It's better to learn these things now when you can get out.

This sums it up for me. He didn’t care about you enough to behave himself and create a good impression. That speaks volumes.

It doesn’t get better over the years btw, so if you’re harbouring any thoughts of ‘changing’ him or making him ‘better’, forget it. He’ll always be a dick who drinks with slobby, women-using misogynists.

The fact that you seem to have no intention of dumping this man is absolutely mind boggling.

There are so many red flags here it looks like a sodding carnival.

All of this!

Bin him OP. He’s shown how much respect he has for you and your parents.

Struggling to think of any circumstance in which raising the topic of casual use of prostitutes at a first meeting with a serious girlfriends parents would ever be ok.

He told your parents his mates use prostitues on the first meeting. I mean where do you go from there?! Also, if his mates are doing this regularly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had in the past too…

Have you blocked his number yet @MerryLeah?

So saying what he said, says loud and clear he's got zero respect for your parents and that means in-turn for you.

He's blaming you because he's a twat, who can't take responsibility for his own actions. That shows he's got a very weak character.

Chuck this one back and raise your standards.

This is real life, she’s spent 5-6 months with him, do people really block and dump people for messing up like this? I would be keeping a close eye for red flags and for this to be rectified and this behaviour would shape my opinion.

He didn't think it was worth making the effort. Not for you, and not for your parents. You weren't worth it and neither were your parents. How dare he.
I'm sure someone has already said this, but when someone shows you who they are, believe them. I'm speaking from bitter experience -I excused a bad first impression and persuaded my parents to give him a second chance. To be kind to me, they did, but oh, how I wish they'd made their point more firmly. Overlooking the first 'poor show' set a subtle precedent and it just became accepted that he was just a bit of a dud. Life with him was one let-down and embarrassment after another. Looking back, I would have loved for my parents to have felt pleased and proud in relation to my choice of partner.

Exactly.

It's not lack of immodium that sent him to the bog for 5+ minutes three times only to return not making much sense, over-confident and brash, and acting like a dick.... ❄❄❄

Nope! get rid .

Sorry but the 'brass' comment is horrific and makes him sound awful. Who talks like that to anyone they've just met??