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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend made awful first impression with my parents and blames me

648 replies

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 15:26

My Boyfriend met my parents for the first time yesterday and it was a disaster.

This was arranged weeks ago and at the time, I said to him that as he had a planned day out for a friends birthday the day before, that we could decline and find another date. He was absolutely adamant he’d feel fine on the Sunday and that he wouldn’t be drinking heavily, even saying this would give him an excuse to be home early.

Fast forward to Saturday, he gets home to mine (don’t live together but he was staying here) later than he says (just gone midnight) and is steaming drunk, but still tells me he will be fine the next day and ‘hangovers don’t affect’ him.

We were meeting my parents at their house for a roast and turned up as agreed mid-afternoon. My boyfriend uses the loo twice in the first 30/40 minutes (for 5+ minutes each time) and again in the middle of eating lunch. He said to me his stomach was playing up from the day before.

He initially declined any alcohol when my parents offered but eventually said he would have some, and this was just as if he was topping up as after a couple of bottles of beer he perked right up but wasn’t making a lot of sense in terms of what he was saying.

My Dad asked him about his friends and what sort of things they do for a living. He said that some of them haven’t really grown up much and still live for the weekend. He worded this really inappropriately ‘their Saturday is a day out in town for a few beers, football, a curry and a brass’. I could tell from the look on my parents faces they were really taken aback.

When we got home I told him that I felt he let me down and he was really defensive and said it was a stupid choice of date given he had a friends birthday the day before. I told him he didn’t have to go on this date and even if he said on the morning he was unwell, we could have cancelled.

AIBU thinking this is all on him? I don’t know what more I could have done. To pre-empt some questions, we are coming up to 5/6 months together and we’ve not had any issues up to this point.

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 28/07/2025 18:58

diddl · 28/07/2025 17:04

He said himself his bad stomach was because he was doing shots that he knows usually don’t agree with him the next day,

I'd dump him for this tbh.

100%, shows zero respect for OP or the parents

Original poster
MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 18:58

Marmiteontoastgirlie · 28/07/2025 18:50

He sounds extremely not classy - putting aside anything to do with the parents, is the fact that all his friends go out for beers, curry and prostitutes not enough to put you off? Unless this was just a poorly thought through joke and they don’t actually do anything of the sort? If he was literally describing what they get up to then I think you can do a lot better! Find someone who has an interesting hobby or cool friends, or at the very least really good social skills.

He has quite a wide circle of friends - those he was referring to are the ones he grew up with from secondary school, but barely socialises with now and he says he has grown up from their interests. He assures me he has never been with a sex worker, clearly I only have his word for that.

I can’t hold anything against him from his early 20’s, heck I did plenty at Uni I wasn’t proud of and have done a lot of growing up. Saturday was the first ‘big’ drink he has gone on since we met and I hope there isn’t many more.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/07/2025 18:59

He blamed you because he didn't want to admit he was wrong

He's just showed you his preferred way to resolve an argument.

StarEchoes · 28/07/2025 19:01

AuntMarch · 28/07/2025 16:53

he's not though is he, if he's blaming OP for arranging it on a date he agreed to.

Show quote history

“he was really defensive and said it was a stupid choice of date given he had a friends birthday the day before. I told him he didn’t have to go on this date and even if he said on the morning he was unwell, we could have cancelled.”

He said he wouldn’t drink heavily and he did. It’s a hard no from me.

TonTonMacoute · 28/07/2025 19:01

What do your parents say OP? They met him, albeit not in the most auspicious circumstances.

This can't be the first birthday boozing session he's ever been on, he must have known he wouldn't be in a fit state the next day. Maybe he thought being with you would help him grow up, sad.y this doesn't seem to be the case.

JHound · 28/07/2025 19:02

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 18:58

He has quite a wide circle of friends - those he was referring to are the ones he grew up with from secondary school, but barely socialises with now and he says he has grown up from their interests. He assures me he has never been with a sex worker, clearly I only have his word for that.

I can’t hold anything against him from his early 20’s, heck I did plenty at Uni I wasn’t proud of and have done a lot of growing up. Saturday was the first ‘big’ drink he has gone on since we met and I hope there isn’t many more.

Show quote history

Sigh….

ThriveAT · 28/07/2025 19:03

This is not the right man for you.

Mumwithbaggage · 28/07/2025 19:04

Oh dear! I've been that parent! A nice bunch of flowers and a civiised lunch out would be my apology if I was him to show I knew I'd been silly and could be a grown up.

AuntMarch · 28/07/2025 19:05

333FionaG · 28/07/2025 17:18

So he was hungover with a dodgy tummy, and a complete lack of filter when talking to your parents, and that's your fault? Bin him off. Any man who talks about sex workers as brass, in such a casual manner, isn't a good bet for a long term relationship. Any man who gets so hammered it's still affecting him the next day, has the makings of a drink problem. If he was 19, it might just be forgivable. Early 30's? He needs to grow the fuck up.

I can feel hungover without having been hammered, sometimes it seems like I only have to sniff alcohol to have a rough head the next day.

However, that does mean I wouldn't drink the night before something important. I conclude this wasnt important to him.

FatCyclist · 28/07/2025 19:07

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/07/2025 15:43

My concerns would be:

  • his friends use sex workers and he thinks this is acceptable
  • he didn't care enough about making a good impression to take it easy / drink moderately
  • he doesn't actually know how to behave / what's appropriate (most people I know wouldn't make a joke like that to parents even if they were very drunk
  • the worst one, he blamed you for his own lack of planning / control and resulting behaviour. This does not bode well for someone that can learn from mistakes/ grow as a person / resolve conflict in a healthy way

This. I think you should seriously consider whether you want to have a future with this guy. The comment about prostitutes is a major red flag. His disrespect for you is appalling. You can do much better than him OP.

AuntMarch · 28/07/2025 19:08

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 18:58

He has quite a wide circle of friends - those he was referring to are the ones he grew up with from secondary school, but barely socialises with now and he says he has grown up from their interests. He assures me he has never been with a sex worker, clearly I only have his word for that.

I can’t hold anything against him from his early 20’s, heck I did plenty at Uni I wasn’t proud of and have done a lot of growing up. Saturday was the first ‘big’ drink he has gone on since we met and I hope there isn’t many more.

Show quote history

He has just shown you that he hasn't grown up though. hasn't he? Don't be a mug. He showed absolutely no respect for your parents, and then blamed you. What else would he have to do for you to realise he's a dickhead?

(edit- just a typo)

Tia247 · 28/07/2025 19:08

If telling your parents that his mates like using prostitutes wasn't enough then surely blaming you for him being a complete prick is reason enough to dump this loser.

Goinghome25 · 28/07/2025 19:11

What an idiot. All on him, not you.

Seriously?. Get rid.

LaDeeDaDeeDumb · 28/07/2025 19:11

Gross. He is acting like he has no control over himself and not taking any responsibility. He’s way too old for that, and I wouldn’t just believe him about the sex workers either. Something made him say it?

The whole thing sounds like he was trying to sabotage the first impression.

Namechangerage · 28/07/2025 19:12

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 18:58

He has quite a wide circle of friends - those he was referring to are the ones he grew up with from secondary school, but barely socialises with now and he says he has grown up from their interests. He assures me he has never been with a sex worker, clearly I only have his word for that.

I can’t hold anything against him from his early 20’s, heck I did plenty at Uni I wasn’t proud of and have done a lot of growing up. Saturday was the first ‘big’ drink he has gone on since we met and I hope there isn’t many more.

Show quote history

I can tell you’re going to stay with him aren’t you? You only have yourself to blame in a few years when you have kids and he’s out with the lads and you’ve caught him sending money to a ‘brass’ 😢

whitewineandsun · 28/07/2025 19:15

You're going to stay, aren't you? Even after he acted like a twat and blamed you for it. As someone else said, how many read flags does it take?

Don't be a mug. He'll just take it to mean he can walk all over you, and then he will.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 28/07/2025 19:16

In ten years time the OP will be back here, complaining about how the father of her children has a drink problem and it's ruining all their lives. For extra bonus points, they won't be married, the house will be in his name and she'll be a SAHM.

TheGander · 28/07/2025 19:17

It sounds a little as if you are making excuses for him. He isn’t a kind person if he can’t make the effort to be civil for your parents and sorry to say I think he made a bad impression because he’s not that impressive a person.

ThatBlackCat · 28/07/2025 19:19

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 18:58

He has quite a wide circle of friends - those he was referring to are the ones he grew up with from secondary school, but barely socialises with now and he says he has grown up from their interests. He assures me he has never been with a sex worker, clearly I only have his word for that.

I can’t hold anything against him from his early 20’s, heck I did plenty at Uni I wasn’t proud of and have done a lot of growing up. Saturday was the first ‘big’ drink he has gone on since we met and I hope there isn’t many more.

Show quote history

I hope there isn’t many more.

More? More? Please tell me you're not going to stay with him? You posted for advice and the majority of us are telling you to bin him, that he has shown you are simply not a priority to him. Please listen to us, you will regret it if you don't.

GulliaumeDuc · 28/07/2025 19:20

The worst thing here isn’t actually the behaviour at the meal, it’s the abject failure to take any responsibility and then actually having the nerve to blame YOU. You should be absolutely raging and yet you don’t seem to be at all.

hoxtonbabe · 28/07/2025 19:21

JHound · 28/07/2025 19:02

Sigh….

Show quote history

I know… when I read that I actually sighed too because now she’s finding excuses for him and all the good advice on here is going to go through one ear and out the other.

The fact he is blaming her for his own doing is not a good sign at all and this will only get worse later down the line, and that’s putting aside his inappropriate words. As a parent I’d be telling her leave him but if you don’t want to, on your own head be it, just don’t bring the idiot round to my place and don’t have kids with said idiot.

whitewineandsun · 28/07/2025 19:23

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 28/07/2025 19:16

In ten years time the OP will be back here, complaining about how the father of her children has a drink problem and it's ruining all their lives. For extra bonus points, they won't be married, the house will be in his name and she'll be a SAHM.

With no pension or money of her own because he won't let her access the accounts.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 28/07/2025 19:24

He's blaming you because he drank too much the night before so was hungover and then made a twat of himself with your parents??

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

OP, if I were your mum I'd be telling you that you can do so much better than someone who uses the word 'brass'. So please heed the advice of all these amazing women telling you to dump him. We're saying this from experience ❤️

hoxtonbabe · 28/07/2025 19:24

GulliaumeDuc · 28/07/2025 19:20

The worst thing here isn’t actually the behaviour at the meal, it’s the abject failure to take any responsibility and then actually having the nerve to blame YOU. You should be absolutely raging and yet you don’t seem to be at all.

This is what I wanted to say and I can’t get my head around but I could not word it as concisely as you did😅

The OP is seriously focusing on the wrong thing here.

Cosyblankets · 28/07/2025 19:26

MerryLeah · 28/07/2025 18:58

He has quite a wide circle of friends - those he was referring to are the ones he grew up with from secondary school, but barely socialises with now and he says he has grown up from their interests. He assures me he has never been with a sex worker, clearly I only have his word for that.

I can’t hold anything against him from his early 20’s, heck I did plenty at Uni I wasn’t proud of and have done a lot of growing up. Saturday was the first ‘big’ drink he has gone on since we met and I hope there isn’t many more.

Show quote history

Why would he talk about people he barely socialises with?