Child’s friend insulted house

[Spicychili]

As heading- my daughter’s 8 year old friend came over to play and kept asking why our house and garden are so small and commenting on it. This is a sore point as most kids at their school have larger houses! I overheard them so didn’t get involved in the discussion. My daughter seemed to brush it off. AIBU to be upset by this or is this normal?

Objectively, you did say your house was smaller than other homes so she wasn't wrong. Instead of projecting malicious intent on an 8 year old ("insulted" your house) you have to accept that you do live in a smaller home and it's ok. Our flat is also small but perfectly laid out and we invested more in appliances & location than just living space. I'm the first person to tell others that our home is small but works great for us, and DD is well aware that we can't have big parties at home because it'll just be chaos.

My son went to private school and even there they didn’t like other kids boasting about their wealth and the ‘stuff’ they had. Not all the kids (including mine) were rich (this was before vat and price hikes). The boastful ones were not well thought of.

My daughters friend asked why our dining table was in the living room, probably around the same age. I thought it was funny and laughed about it later with her Mom. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

shocking isn’t it? Expressing an honest opinion on an anonymous forum!

calm down and don’t get your knickers ( and your pearls) in a twist.

the child was a brat. And ‘bitchy’ was exactly what the behaviour was.

i didn’t get involved at all. Was just my observation as she caused chaos at every get together. There was always one girl out of the group coming to parents crying and upset. This 8 year old was always at the centre of the drama.

obviously children are all farting rainbows on the pink cloud you live on, but meanwhile, on planet earth, children have a range of personalities. Some are more likeable than others. Like all people.

also, are you an adult? You sound like someone trying to impersonate one, but getting it wrong.

Well, does the house feel insulted?
Because remember, offence is taken, not given!😂

😂

I haven't read the full thread, but I think the messages young children get around money can be quite confusing. They read stories about characters living in castles and palaces, watch historically-set TV and films with completely inaccessible lifestyles (Ponies? Servants? Boats? Private islands? 😂*), may overhear their parents talking about not being able to afford certain things, then are also asked to take part in fundraising activities at school to help out less fortunate people. Go figure! When I was teaching, a 'Wear Football Strip for Shelter' day rather ground my gears as a significant proportion of the families at that school lived in social housing and a number of recent-arrivals to the UK were only temporarily-housed themselves...

Children are innocent and only know what they know. I found it helpful to a) be quite honest with my DC about our financial position relative to others and b) also convey the social rule that, in general, it is best not to talk about money. At a young age I said that people were 'shy' about talking about money, which seemed to give the right message.

*I know that there are lots of different lifestyles represented on Mumsnet so await someone forging onto the thread to tell us that their groom regularly takes their children's ponies over to Kirin Island to let off steam and kick up their heels and that it is sheer reverse snobbery to say that this is anything other than a perfectly ordinary way to live, but for the average UK family in the early 21st Century? No.

Other kids and my own kid often say our house is small compared to other people. It's cos it's a bungalow with attic conversion, square foot it's probably the same as theirs.But they are Victorian 3 storey houses around us. I've also been asked by other kids why my children's bedrooms and bathroom are downstairs etc . Kids just like to compare , they don't even mean it badly. I just say - cos we like it like this.

When my son was younger and I told him his friend was going on holiday on a plane he said aww haven’t they got a car 😂

We're the 'poor' ones out of DSs (8) friends. We have a 3 bed shabby semi whereas they all have 4-5 bed detached, very modern and insta-style houses.
Yes they've made comments about this as they all clearly notice the difference, but it doesn't stop them liking coming round or playing with DS.
Try to keep it in perspective, they're commenting on what they see.

I had very similar from dd friend who lives just down the road in a similar house. But it was mocking dd at school after a play date. Only difference is her mum has a BMW 4x4. I suspect the girl overheard a snooty comment from someone else as we don't have a flashy car. We have the same type of house at the same price point.

But then again that friendship group was also debating why dd had primark Disney pumps at 7. All very materialistically odd at 7. Asking why Primark shoes. Who the geff knows brands at 7?

Agree.

Kids just say what they see.

DD when 8 commented on meeting friend’s Dad “oh I thought he was your Grandad”. The Dad in question was mid 50s but did look much older with a head of grey hair. The family were very cross. No matter how many times I apologised they still held a grudge.

Kids say stupid insensitive things. So do adults. There are worse and more insensitive comments to hear. Some people are mean. It's a life skill to deal with the assholes and ignore them. It's lesson which is hard to learn but once learnt is good for self esteem and makes it easier to be happy.

This scenario bothers me too! We live in a 4 storey Victorian end terrace with fairly small garden but lots of DD’s friends are in detached new builds. This is my choice but I worry about the comparison even though value wise they are on a par and ours is actually quite big.

Kids say what they are thinking with no filter at that age. I know a family where one of their DCs won’t ask friends for sleep overs/ visits for the opposite reason, as their house is big and the DC is embarrassed when people comment on it so doesn’t want anyone else over. Everyone wants to fit in and I don’t know what the answer is because you can’t shrink or make your house bigger

Yanbu. It was a truthful comment.
She is not aware of your sensitivity around your home.
She is 8.

Yup, it was exactly like an Outnumbered scene !

A man we knew well frequently said comments about our ‘small’ house. It really isn’t small at all. He was elderly, rude and no longer a friend. She’s 8. She had no malice.

You've just reminded me - we once looked at a childminder's house, and my then 5 year old said something similar - why is your house so small? I was mortified and rollicked her when we got in the car, and we hardly live in a mansion! She really didn't know she'd been rude but she needed to be told! 8 years old is a bit different though - she should know she's being a bit rude. I might just say something to her next time like, 'we are all different and our houses are all different'.

This reminds me of one of my daughter’s friends coming over and saying your house is quite small isn’t it? I thought it was hilarious and her mum (one of my old school friends) was mortified! It was a 4 bed detached house so hardly small but they had a very open plan layout. I really wouldn’t take offence.

Don't worry at all, kids just say random stuff and don't sugarcoat it, who cares what an 8 year old thinks

She didn't say why is your house worse than mine or why is your house so awful, she asked a question based on facts

I'm going against the grain but at 8 she should know better, why did she need to keep asking? Sounds like a spoilt little shit to me!

I’m used to it from my mother in law - English is not her first language and she is not like everyone else she says exactly what she thinks and has said way worse than many of these comments! And does not have the excuse of being 8!