13 year old watching newborn

[Newmum99653]

Am I being unreasonable?

I am not comfortable with our 13 year old DSD watching our newborn whilst we do jobs around the house. Personally my priority is the safety of the newborn and anything can happen quickly (choking, falling, suffocating) if not being watched properly. E.g. I came down and DSD was on phone whilst “watching” newborn whilst I was upstairs and DP was in the kitchen.

My DP on the other hand doesn’t see the problem in this at all.

My view is DSD can hold feed cuddle newborn as much as she wants but whilst we are supervising.
Am I being unreasonable?

Literally one is hating on you but it is utterly ridiculous to expect your partner to take the baby any time he leaves the room for even a second so that a 13 year old isn’t left ‘unattended’ with a newborn.

It’s insane, that’s the reason your partner isn’t listening or doing it.

If this is true and not a sarcastic response, OP, you do need to speak woth your HV about it because extreme tiredness on your part is a greater risk factor for almost anything than being watched by a 13 year old sibling is.

well actually when he’s sick if he’s strapped into seat on his back. Possibly sick.

What sort of seat is this?

She isn’t allowed to cuddle or pick him up unless an adult is in the room watching? At 13?

or blankets being accidentally pulled over face as he has animated hands.

Tuck the blanket in very firmly or cocoon the baby in it. He'll sleep better that way anyway.

Who’s watching the baby now while YOU sit and scroll on your phone? 🙄

This

Most people leave a newborn for 10-20 mins maybe popping in occasionally, but they're OK on their own for short periods. Especially if you have another child, you have to deal with them too.

Ok but you need to unclench. Your teenage step child can shout you if needed? My 13 year old could look after a baby relative for an hour or 2 alone tbh

This thread has brought back a vivid memory for me of leaving my days old baby in the kitchen safely strapped into a bouncy chair ( no blankets) in front of the washing machine so I could go to the loo. I didn't even leave a 13 year old with him. He loved the sound of the washing machine and it always sent him to sleep.
Babies are safe enough to be left alone for a few minutes if you are in the next room. The human race would have died out otherwise.

Hi OP. Try not to fall out with anyone over your anxiety about watching your baby at all times. I also did the taking them to the toilet on a towel in a washing basket thing. I was alone in the house and didn’t know if it was safe to leave him outside the bathroom.

It’s perfectly normal to be a bit over anxious with your new baby and you might like to read the following thread to know you aren’t alone and hopefully, you’ll also become a lot more relaxed as time goes on.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/chat/5350166-most-batshit-thing-you-did-with-your-pfb?reply=144829452

I know he's only two weeks old but you are being a little obsessive. When he's in the moses basket he's in a safe place; you do not need to move it into the bathroom when you need the loo!

A 13 year old is perfectly capable of keeping an eye on a newborn without adult supervision, barring any disability. Show the poor kid some confidence in her. If you're unloading the dishwasher or having a shower, your step daughter will be fine with the baby.

Give yourself some space or you'll exhaust yourself.

if I had a sling I probably would also be wearing him in a sling 24/7. I would say I watch him the majority of the day through pure enjoyment even if he is sleeping. God forbid I would want my child to be safe and well

You are being ridiculous. What about when you have other kids? We had newborns with toddlers chucking 2yo tantrums, other toddlers toilet training and needling to go ‘now’ (within a second), young kids excitedly needing you to tell you about their day at school etc etc etc etc. You don’t need to watch newborns 24/7. You can go to the toilet for 20mins without taking them with you (how bizarre - although good luck with that with a toddler, you can’t go for 2 seconds without them being there🫤). They are safe and well without you having eyes glued on them, while dealing with other stuff, be that a prolonged toilet trip, a shower, toilet training siblings, or paying attention to other kids with stuff. You are in for one hell of a ride with the way you are going.

Ok, well that's two of us who weren't entirely sure whether you were being sarcastic or not.

I think that should give you some indication of whether the rest of your approach to this is within the usual parameters.of 'normal'.

Because, yes, the idea that you tag tem sleeping (or however it would have been achieved) so that a responsible adult was always watching the baby sounds bonkers. But it also really doesn't sound all that different to carrying the baby upstairs in a moses basket everytime you go to the loo or not allowing a teenage sibling to be alone in the same room as the baby etc.

Huh? So she can't cuddle or bond with the baby as much as she wants then because there has to be an adult around?

but you suddenly want her to be responsible enough to watch baby?

yeah I feel for this kid.

your shiny new baby is no more important than her.

While I agree she’s probably perfectly capable of keeping an eye on him, it sounds like she doesn’t actually want to be left minding him? In which case it’s shitty of your partner to keep doing that

I was expecting to read babysitting. Kids used to babysit at that age some younger. I had dc in the late nineties and early 00’s step daughter used to ask to take ds out she was 12/13. I know she used to take a little girl out but I said no you’re not old enough.

But in the house while you are there is fine. Just tell her not to pick her up if she cries and to come and get one of you if she does. Older siblings can be a great extra pair of hands keeping baby entertained while you are somewhere else.

YANBU. Your Baby, your vote is the casting vote. On the phone doesn’t only mean conducting a call with eyes on baby and surroundings; it presumably could also involve paying full attention to the screen. Phones in 2025 are an attention black hole. Due attention is a reasonable requirement for being alone with a Baby of any age. If DSD was the one keen to do it she would probably view it as a privilege. From your post, it sounds like DP sounds like he is making a convenience out of his elder child. He is doing DSD no favours by parentifying her. Very reasonable concerns to have.

@RedSeveni also didn't say you'd told DSD off. I said it was ridiculous that you 'raised' the point of being on her phone to her dad.

Jesus wept.

Of course she can watch the baby and sit on her phone. Do you literally sit staring at the baby 24/7?

No, it’s also the father’s baby and there’s literally no reason she gets to dictate everything to do with the baby.

Do you never go to the loo or have a shower without another adult with the baby?

YABU for having a baby with a man who already has a teenager.

It’s going swimmingly a fortnight in, I can see…

Good luck OP.

Oh dear.

Well, going by those rules, it's her partner's baby too so, if he is happy to ask his daughter to watch the baby, it's all good.

His baby; his rules. Right?

Nothing wrong with blankets. What do you think people used before these sleeping bags were a thing.