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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

13 year old watching newborn

361 replies

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:29

Am I being unreasonable?

I am not comfortable with our 13 year old DSD watching our newborn whilst we do jobs around the house. Personally my priority is the safety of the newborn and anything can happen quickly (choking, falling, suffocating) if not being watched properly. E.g. I came down and DSD was on phone whilst “watching” newborn whilst I was upstairs and DP was in the kitchen.

My DP on the other hand doesn’t see the problem in this at all.

My view is DSD can hold feed cuddle newborn as much as she wants but whilst we are supervising.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 27/07/2025 12:40

I used to look after my little brother when he was brand new and I was about that age so my parents could do stuff, it consisted of sitting next to his pram while I played Playstation and occasionally looking in the pram and poking his little squishy cheeks.

Newborns are really boring OP, there's little that can go wrong as long as DSD is relatively responsible and not likely to lift her sibling up and re-enact the opening of the lion king with him/her.

You're not leaving her to look after the baby alone for a week, you're in the same house. At 14 days old the baby isn't going to choke or fall or suffocate is it, how would that happen? Unless you genuinely suspect your DSD has malicious intentions towards the baby you're being overprotective.

Original poster
Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:41

@CommissarySushi wide awake all night, eyes never off him.

do you have children? The level of sleep I have never to him is most certainly not the same as my sleep before so any noise or movement wakes me pretty quickly

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:42

@JudgeBread okay fair point
will take a chill pill

OP posts:
PurpleSaladPotatoes · 27/07/2025 12:42

You’re being over-anxious.

Coffeeishot · 27/07/2025 12:42

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:38

@rainbowunicorn well actually when he’s sick if he’s strapped into seat on his back. Possibly sick.
or blankets being accidentally pulled over face as he has animated hands.

so to say the possibility isn’t likely is interesting

What seat a car seat ?

Morgenrot25 · 27/07/2025 12:42

If you are in the house and easily reachable, but just otherwise busy, then it's absolutely fine. I don't think it's fair to the 13 year old to rely on them too much though, as they don't need that level of responsibility, and I also wouldn't go out and leave the 13 year old in charge alone.

CommissarySushi · 27/07/2025 12:43

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:41

@CommissarySushi wide awake all night, eyes never off him.

do you have children? The level of sleep I have never to him is most certainly not the same as my sleep before so any noise or movement wakes me pretty quickly

Yes, I have a 9 month old baby lol.

I'd say that the lighter sleep of a new mum is equivalent to a 13 year old on their phone in the same room as the baby.

ObliviousCoalmine · 27/07/2025 12:45

I wore my newborn in a sling/wrap, so yes, I did have pretty much constant eyes on her all day for a fair while.

Don’t know why you’re all being pissy with a woman who gave birth to presumably her first child 2 weeks ago. Shit behaviour.

Original poster
Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:46

@ObliviousCoalmine
if I had a sling I probably would also be wearing him in a sling 24/7. I would say I watch him the majority of the day through pure enjoyment even if he is sleeping.

God forbid I would want my child to be safe and well.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/07/2025 12:49

You cannot keep your eyes on a baby 24/7. You need to occasionally go to toilet or make a drink. If dsd is in the room and you or DH are less than 30 seconds away things should be fine

VickyEadieofThigh · 27/07/2025 12:49

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:46

@ObliviousCoalmine
if I had a sling I probably would also be wearing him in a sling 24/7. I would say I watch him the majority of the day through pure enjoyment even if he is sleeping.

God forbid I would want my child to be safe and well.

So, get a sling. Then the poor DSD can get on with being a young teenager.

FourIsNewSix · 27/07/2025 12:50

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:38

@rainbowunicorn well actually when he’s sick if he’s strapped into seat on his back. Possibly sick.
or blankets being accidentally pulled over face as he has animated hands.

so to say the possibility isn’t likely is interesting

Maybe focus on leaving him in a safe environment, similarly you would for sleeping?

You can use a bit more clothes/sleeping bag instead of the blanket.
There is no need to allow the risk of falling and I'm not sure how healthy is for the baby to be strapped into a seat at home - get a simple playpen, put it on the floor and than the teen's job will be mostly to not trip over it, secondary to notice any weird sounds.

Comedycook · 27/07/2025 12:50

So if you're alone in the house with your baby, how do you use the bathroom?

PuppyVsCar · 27/07/2025 12:51

Believe me that this is written with warmth and understanding - you are being unreasonable because you are two weeks new to parenting and your body is full of hormones and you are sleep deprived. It's okay and understandable that you are feeling this way, but it isn't rational. The rational truth is that your baby is perfectly safe with a 13 year old on their phone. You can take your eyes off your baby without bad things happening. But I do understand why you feel otherwise.

JudgeBread · 27/07/2025 12:52

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:42

@JudgeBread okay fair point
will take a chill pill

Hope I didn't come off too harsh, I know how on edge you can be with a new baby. They're so tiny and precious.

Don't forget it's normal to be anxious about your baby's wellbeing all the time, you're hormonally programmed to assume an eagle or a bear might be coming for him at any moment. You just have to kind of overrule the instinct to never leave their side or take your eyes off them.

You'll always worry about him, forever, even when he's 30 and married and out in the world or whatever he does, and that's completely normal mum behaviour. But very little can happen to him at that age with a reasonably responsible tween - and it's a good opportunity for her to start bonding with her new sibling, which can be tricky with such a big age gap.

Congratulations on your new arrival 💐

Coffeeishot · 27/07/2025 12:53

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:46

@ObliviousCoalmine
if I had a sling I probably would also be wearing him in a sling 24/7. I would say I watch him the majority of the day through pure enjoyment even if he is sleeping.

God forbid I would want my child to be safe and well.

Yes watching your baby 24/7 is anxiety and hormones might still be raging around. If you are still like this in a few more weeks you might need to speak to your health visitor or Gp, i know you will probably read this and scoff but just be careful with these feelings.

casualcrispenjoyer · 27/07/2025 12:53

ObliviousCoalmine · 27/07/2025 12:45

I wore my newborn in a sling/wrap, so yes, I did have pretty much constant eyes on her all day for a fair while.

Don’t know why you’re all being pissy with a woman who gave birth to presumably her first child 2 weeks ago. Shit behaviour.

I think many people are thinking about the young teenager whose dad has had a new baby is someone else and is getting a bollocking for being on her phone next to the baby as she should be watching in case the newborn spontaneously chokes on vomit

OP needs to buy a sling and let the poor girl be a teen, and think about involving her in the baby’s care in fun ways.

Hiptothisjive · 27/07/2025 12:53

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:33

Baby is 14 days old.

Yeah doesn’t matter. The baby doesnt need eyes on them 24:7. You do sleep don’t you and not stare at your baby 24:7?

Original poster
Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:54

@Comedycook i am absolutely not joking btw me him and the Moses basket go to the toilet together

OP posts:
RainSoakedNights · 27/07/2025 12:55

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:54

@Comedycook i am absolutely not joking btw me him and the Moses basket go to the toilet together

Please reach out to your gp ot health visitor

Original poster
Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:55

@casualcrispenjoyer that’s a very strange narrative take from this. As DSD hasn’t been bollocked once. I raised it with my partner

OP posts:
CommissarySushi · 27/07/2025 12:56

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:54

@Comedycook i am absolutely not joking btw me him and the Moses basket go to the toilet together

That's really not necessary. Give yourself a break and relax a bit.

Chunkychips23 · 27/07/2025 12:57

For short durations or if you’re popping in and out of the room, this is fine. I have a young toddler as well as a newborn, I can’t keep eyes on both at all times. I do baby wear for times when I’m gong to be out of the room for longer than a couple of minutes or to do chores.

I’m not too sure what the issue is? She doesn’t need to be staring at your baby intently to be keeping an eye on them. I often hand off my baby to my stepson whilst I crack on with housework. He’s often sat scrolling on his phone when I come back in. Especially if baby is asleep.

Unless you have concerns about your SD, then there is no worries. Having a toddler as well, has put things into perspective for me, as I used to be quite anxious too. The toddler can definitely not be left unsupervised for longer than ten seconds 😂

Snorlaxo · 27/07/2025 12:57

Once he’s mobile he’ll need more careful supervision and you’ll realise that the anxiety you feel now is your brain messing with you.
Does sd wear AirPods while on her phone? Not wearing them so she hears him cry is a fair compromise if that’s an issue although I imagine you and your h would probably hear him.

2chocolateoranges · 27/07/2025 12:58

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:54

@Comedycook i am absolutely not joking btw me him and the Moses basket go to the toilet together

I’m saying this in a caring way but please speak to your health visitor because this level of anxiety is not normal.