13 year old watching newborn

[Newmum99653]

Am I being unreasonable?

I am not comfortable with our 13 year old DSD watching our newborn whilst we do jobs around the house. Personally my priority is the safety of the newborn and anything can happen quickly (choking, falling, suffocating) if not being watched properly. E.g. I came down and DSD was on phone whilst “watching” newborn whilst I was upstairs and DP was in the kitchen.

My DP on the other hand doesn’t see the problem in this at all.

My view is DSD can hold feed cuddle newborn as much as she wants but whilst we are supervising.
Am I being unreasonable?

I guess you don’t trust her much. At 11 I spent the evening walking my week old brother around in my parents room while they hosted a function. (As a mum now I think it’s crazy they hosted a function with a week old baby, it was an official govt function to be fair and not very optional, but I don’t think that it’s crazy that their responsible 11yo looked after the baby.)

I was looking after a newborn at 13 years old. I don’t recall anything awful happening. There are three people in your house in the scenario you describe with one person being close to the baby. What do you do if you’re on your own?

Honestly, you should take advantage of being able to put your baby down and know they'll be in the same spot when you come back! Those were the days. I miss my little potato baby.

@99bottlesofkombucha nope the trust isn’t there, happy to admit it.

OP, when my daughter was born prematurely, my son was 8.

My then husband had used his paternity leave coming to support her and me in the hospital and rushing around so, by the time she was discharged at 2 weeks old (and 3.5 weeks before her due date), it was only my son and me at home and no family support.

So, if I needed a shower, to go to the loo, wash up etc, my 8 year old son watched the baby. I'd also had a c section so I know what's it like.

Seriously, if I had concerns about a 13 year oldest ability to be responsible in these scenarios, it would be because I had concerns around them generally. I'd consider a 13 year old to be old enough to watch a baby.

OP kindly this isn't normal at all. You've asked if YABU or not and every single poster has said yes.

you need to speak to your GP. Postpartum hormones can make new mothers very irrational and neurotic. You probably don't see it but you need to get help for this.
expecting a 13 year old to stare at your child to the point you 'raise it' with their dad is not normal or reasonable behaviour. At all.

What was she doing wrongly…. On her phone? As you are?

Ah you don’t like your step daughter then?

how do you think the rest of us do jobs? Even with a newborn? You just get on with it and check in on baby every now and then; you are lucky you have a partner who does stuff and a step child who helps you! Christ sakes woman. You shower your step daughter with love and gratitude for looking after your daughter; not do this. I feel so sorry for her

13yo on their phone so can't "watch the baby". Are you mad?

I bet you've been on your phone while "watching the baby". They don't need eyes on them 24/7. Don't you sleep?

Why does he have any blankets on him that could be pulled up? Sleep spaces are to be completely clear, this is what the sleeping bags are for.

If you are going to the bathroom does that mean you are carrying the baby upstairs and down each time - that is far riskier for both of you.
I left my young baby at home with 14 year old sister a couple of times to go to corner shop. Felt lower risk than taking them - guess what they are still okay and have just finished A levels.

It’s not unreasonable to be very protective of your newborn. It is unreasonable and unrealistic to expect someone to literally sit and stare at them constantly, be it a 13 yea told sibling or a grandparent,

How do you take baby to the bathroom? I didn’t think you were meant to carry them around in a Moses basket.

This is what it sounds like. Just a dig at the DSD!

DSD was around first and presumably before the OP - she's a 13 year old kid who has to get used to her dad having a shiny new baby with someone else.

raising the phone issue with her dad I think is really harsh.

And this. Baby shouldn't have blankets. A sleep sack is perfectly fine.

Fucking hell get a grip.

Ha I’m a single mum since twins were babies if I sat and watched just one of them I’d get nothing done

The baby will be fine, it doesn't need watching all the time. How do you think people manage to do anything when no one else is there? I used to go into different rooms to do stuff. I'm sure DSD will hear if there is a problem, but if you're that worried just plug a monitor in so you can hear yourself.

You are going have to learn to risk assess your level of supervision better as it's a whole new level when they become toddlers and your life will be hell if you can't manage it now.

@RedSeven ah so it’s the step mum hating women out in force as always on mums net.

DSD has not been told off once. So incorrect narrative.

My issue is not with my DSD, she’s allowed to bond cuddle as much as she possibly wants. As long as there is an adult around

she can be on her phone as much as she wants, my example was that when left with the baby. She doesn’t have an interest in him or minding him. Which is absolutely no issue at all, but the issue is my DP continues to do it knowing my views on it

Do what makes YOU feel comfortable. Not what other people in your household demand.
Things will soon settle down into a routine and everyone will start getting used to things.

Newborns shouldn't have blankets. Women post c section shouldn't be carrying moses baskets, that's much more of a risk.

Geez how do you get anything done!!? What happens when you sleep?
Totally OTT.

Now, that is really batshit.

@monkeysox it was sarcasm, I’m sorry that couldn't be comprehended.

PFB, OP is worrying now but will probably look back later in life and like the rest of us think wtaf was I thinking.