13 year old watching newborn

[Newmum99653]

Am I being unreasonable?

I am not comfortable with our 13 year old DSD watching our newborn whilst we do jobs around the house. Personally my priority is the safety of the newborn and anything can happen quickly (choking, falling, suffocating) if not being watched properly. E.g. I came down and DSD was on phone whilst “watching” newborn whilst I was upstairs and DP was in the kitchen.

My DP on the other hand doesn’t see the problem in this at all.

My view is DSD can hold feed cuddle newborn as much as she wants but whilst we are supervising.
Am I being unreasonable?

You'll drive yourself mad doing that. Perfectly fine to leave baby in a safe place while you go for a wee or put the kettle on.
I'd have a word with your DH and health visitor, just to keep an eye on your anxiety levels.

I know it's a bit anxiety inducing having a new baby but you can pop to the loo for a minute...and look at your phone and grab a glass of water when you need one. Obviously newborn babies do need to be checked on and kept an eye on...I wouldn't leave them in a room and go upstairs for hours without checking but you don't literally have to stare at them 24/7.

It's fine for 13yo to be on her phone while keeping an eye on the baby.

Why would anyone need to sit and physically watch a newborn? Whats wrong with anyone being in the same room as a newborn and being on the phone?

You sound really over the top. Do you mean you won’t leave the room if your DSD is in the room with the baby?

@2chocolateoranges
I’m not speaking to my health visitor about taking new born with me whilst I go for a 20 min number 2 😂
I had a c section and I’m far from quick on my feet so I can’t react to anything quickly

my partner brings him to me if he needs to do the same, and he’s horizontal. So it’s certainly not out of the ordinary.

Op your coming across as very very anxious. Id discuss this with HV. Its not normal foe you not to be able to leave baby in moses basket while you make a drink or go to the toilet

Go easy on yourself OP. You can feel on high alert when you have a new baby but if the feelings persist then you should mention to your Gp.

I think you ABU. I didn’t watch my newborns 24/7. I left them sleeping in the carrycot in the lounge whilst I was making my lunch or having a wee. They slept in their cot when I had a quick shower or (gasps) stayed asleep in the pram in the garden whilst I sat inside (in view of the pram but not direct eyes on the baby) whilst I enjoyed a coffee. I even went to sleep at night (they were in the room but obviously I wasn’t looking at them when I was sleeping).
A NT 13 year old is more than capable of being in the same room as a newborn without having to physically watch them continuously. In all honesty, I’d leave a sensible 8 year old to do the same. Not a younger child in case they tried to pick them up or something, but even a 4 year old is capable of keeping an eye on a baby and letting you know if they cry / are coughing etc.

Jesus Christ
just to confirm I take the child to the toilet with me as I’ve had a c section and going for number 2 can take a while due to my reduced bowel movements or ability to move them.
Yes I might be OTT to feel uncomfortable for children minding newborn without supervision.

But I can confirm I do not have anxiety, I have lovely long showers and get ready sessions whilst the adults in the family are looking after him

I enjoy sleep and dinners whilst he is being minded by responsible adults also.

Are people supposed to have their eyes glued to a baby all the time, even when the baby is asleep? I don't think so. As long as both are in the same room and the eldest looks at the baby occasionally and attends if the baby wakes, all should be well. I'm sure you go to sleep when you can.

What jobs around the house do you have to do that takes two of you?

Would also confirm I’ve never said once I don’t leave him for a second to make a drink or a bottle. I’m well aware he’s in safe hands around many people including myself

They are in a moses basket. They are safe there.

I say this with the most kindness possible - please talk to your health visitor or GP. You very likely have post natal anxiety. It's very common and you likely just need someone to talk to for reassurance, but medication might help. I had it and didn't realise because I already had anxiety, but it would have made my first few months of parenthood much easier if I'd known.

I couldn't peg more than two items of washing on the line without running back in the house to check on my sleeping baby, so I know how you feel.

God forbid I would want my child to be safe and well.

And how do you think this works with parents of more than one child?

Do you think they let their toddlers run riot around the house whilst they're busy gazing lovingly at the newborn making sure it's safe and well?

Ok if you say so, but i don’t know anyone who’s had a tiny baby who takes them to the toilet……just in case.

how do you sleep, eat, function on a day to day basis if you are always watching your baby?

it’s not normal behaviour.

Have you not taken a phone call in the last 14 days?

You take your baby into the bathroom? Are you not worried about him breathing in shit and piss particles from the air? I won’t even keep my toothbrush in the bathroom, can’t imagine taking a baby in.

Also, the reality is that not so long ago, 13 year olds often had babies of their own. They are capable of looking after them, although it's obviously not ideal.

It’s normal to be anxious after giving birth and when you are looking after a tiny human who depends on you for everything. I did mad things with my babies. And literally watching your baby the whole time is a bit mad.

I mean that in the nicest possible way. You don’t need to do that.

Completely depends on the teenager, I’m a teacher and I have some year 7s that I would
trust because of their maturity, and I have some year 11s I wouldn’t leave with a goldfish.

It isn’t necessarily the watching, it’s them “looking after” and putting them in a dangerous position accidentally, picking them up and getting distracted kind of thing.

And do you think those "responsible adults" stare at your baby every second you're not there?

@SkipperTheEyeChild can’t say any of those are my concerns no.

@UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld i don’t think so no, but I do know in the case of an emergency they would know what to do.

Aw you baby is so tiny and new and its natural to be really protective and want to be close and respond to tiny movements..

I dont think the baby would fall or choke or suffocate whilst in a moses basket whilst watched by dsd if its all safely set up. Im not sure what they are falling off etc

But I dont think its unusual for a new mum to worry.

But you're complaining the 13 year old was on their phone, which is what those adults are likely doing too

And you're in the house. If baby started choking etc then they could scream for help

You do need help with your anxiety