13 year old watching newborn

[Newmum99653]

Am I being unreasonable?

I am not comfortable with our 13 year old DSD watching our newborn whilst we do jobs around the house. Personally my priority is the safety of the newborn and anything can happen quickly (choking, falling, suffocating) if not being watched properly. E.g. I came down and DSD was on phone whilst “watching” newborn whilst I was upstairs and DP was in the kitchen.

My DP on the other hand doesn’t see the problem in this at all.

My view is DSD can hold feed cuddle newborn as much as she wants but whilst we are supervising.
Am I being unreasonable?

I agree,
But I sympathize op - you're precious little baby you need to have 100% trust in anyone with them. And things can happen, like what if they spill a cup of tea on baby etc, that can send your thoughts spiraling (see my post 'ex DP burnt my baby - thought care around hit drinks went without saying but clearly not!)

I think you need a sling they are lovely

I took my baby to the bathroom too! Don't worry op

Never alone, in villages with grandmothers and aunties helping

have your 13 year old take a babysitter course.
kids here can take the babysitter course when they turn 12.

Geee whizz if our 13 year old hadnt sat with our twins I would never have got showered, cleaned up or anything and ye successfully raised a big brood. It's not rocket science at that age they shout if they want help with something

What do you do when you have a bath and there is only you? I used to bath with all three of them, under 9 when the new one came along. We would all be in the bath, I got out first, dried while the 9 year old held the baby, I took the middle one out, dried him, dressed him, and finally took the baby from the 9 year old, dried and dressed her, and the eldest by then had washed himself and dried himself and dressed himself and I knew where all of them were while I was having a bath.

I don't think new babies should be left on their own, even with an older child of 11, because you don't know what can happen in a very short while, and yes, I would take a baby to the loo in those circumstances.

OP, save this post. If/when you have more children or when your PFB is a school child, you'll read it back and howl with laughter. I'm not judging, this is normal and new mums are biologically programmed to act this way but please, try to relax.

Surely your partner has helped raise one child so has some experience you can trust he’s been there once already .. agree you have some anxiety as it sounds like you won’t leave the baby in a room without another person in it and won’t allow it to be picked up by the sibling unless your present … you may not think you are anxious but you may be making those around you feel anxious - hopefully you will be more relaxed in a few weeks time

You really need to stop looking for monsters. The 13 year old is probably more capable than you since they seem to understand that the baby is doing just fine and doesn’t need to be fussed over nonstop. Take a deep breath and go clean your house.

13 year old Picking the baby up with out adult supervision- no
baby asleep in Moses basket and dsd in same room - fine

it sound like you have some anxiety around the baby. You need to sleep at night, you can leave the baby in a room alone while you go to the toilet/ make a cup tea etc providing they are safe and secure ie in basket or similar.

My son had silent reflux and I was worried about him choking and not hearing. I bought a breathing pad. It went under his mattress and if he stopped breathing an alarm sounded. (This never happened btw)
You can also have a video monitor and carry it round with you.

Holy moly.

The point is, you are acting insane. How you are behaving is unhealthy for everyone involved.

Considered very dangerous until they're 6months at least.

I’m more worried about the bloody baby beanbag than a 13 year old watching the baby. Those things are dangerous!

Your supposed to stop frequently the sitting position of a car seat can restrict breathing

https://images.app.goo.gl/Lv5H7

Clear divot.

Wow. Your 9 year old wanted to be in a bath with others or was just conditioned to accept it? How big is your bath?

These things are not recommended by NHS or lullerby trust and are similar to what the baby died in last year.

@llizzie just to confirm spoke to midwife and HV yesterday/this morning who have confirmed they do not believe I’m suffering from PNA. Confirmed I am however likely to be a lot more cautious as a FTM than those who have had several as after second child you are usually less worried as you’ve experienced everything before. I’m a pretty open book with anyone who steps foot into our house.

They have also advised within these first few weeks it will be beneficial to everyone to establish boundaries and what we are/are not happy with. Including things such as having visitors, avoiding visitors from feeding the baby to optimise bonding and establishing babies understanding of smells of both parents.
They both confirmed although not necessarily a problem to leave baby with DSD for a few minutes it’s for us as parents to decide if we think DSD is mature enough to do so.
On the moses basket front, don’t need to take him with me if I’m home alone and he’s not being left for long, but also not a problem if I feel comfortable taking him with me for longer bathroom trips such as shower or bath for peace of mind. Just carry the two separately and make sure the room is not too hot.

Also on the beanbag front, although not advised by NHS, it’s no different to a bouncer so again parental preference but have advised not to keep baby in it once more active/rolling due to possible tipping over. And not to keep baby in it for extended periods similar to car seat.
Both also advised we are doing a great job, baby is happy healthy and well looked after.

So to round up, should have just asked them in the first place. Thank you to those that genuinely were helpful ♥️, and to those that couldn’t possess an ounce of empathy or compassion - let’s hope you don’t end up with daughters who are FTMs in the future.

@Hercisback1 this is the one I own, the structure doesn’t look as soft as the one you have found.

www.boots.com/tutti-bambini-baby-beanbag---cocoon-10339655?traffic=paid.shopping&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19973634862&gbraid=0AAAAA-AdmwTHr3P86G0J5LWlw-R-4TwGS&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpcu8v6jgjgMVgsh5BB0WZQebEAQYASABEgLHKvD_BwE

Your hormones are all over the place at the moment. Your baby can be alone in a room while you do jobs elsewhere, it’s highly unlikely that the baby is in any danger. You need to try and be okay with this otherwise it will cause a rift and your husband will resent you. Your step daughter is really helping you out here and if you try to relax it will be a big relief soon that you can take a hot shower or quickly wash the pots and not be worried.

I hope this isn’t something that you would have had a problem with regardless of your hormones, be honest with yourself here if you can. When you’re asleep on a night your baby will wake before you, it doesn’t mean the baby wasn’t safe does it? My daughter watched mine loads for me and she sometimes fell asleep while they were in their crib but ultimately a baby laid in a safe place with safe blankets etc is highly unlikely to come to any harm just because no eyes were on them.

@Overwhelmedandunderfed answered in PP

So glad you’re not suffering from PNA. It’s horrid. Obviously it’s your first and you haven’t got a clue what you’re doing. I remember getting home with my son and thinking, what now! Well somehow he’s turned 38 and is still alive and we weathered everything in between. Hope all turns out fine for you too, as I’m sure it will.

That beanbag looks very similar to a firm shaped cushiony thing I had for my second child. I think people see the word beanbag and assume those big floppy things you’d lounge on on the floor as a teenager. It really doesn’t matter what it’s made of, it’s about it being firm rather than squishy. I’m sure your baby is very comfy in it, and perfectly safe.