13 year old watching newborn

[Newmum99653]

Am I being unreasonable?

I am not comfortable with our 13 year old DSD watching our newborn whilst we do jobs around the house. Personally my priority is the safety of the newborn and anything can happen quickly (choking, falling, suffocating) if not being watched properly. E.g. I came down and DSD was on phone whilst “watching” newborn whilst I was upstairs and DP was in the kitchen.

My DP on the other hand doesn’t see the problem in this at all.

My view is DSD can hold feed cuddle newborn as much as she wants but whilst we are supervising.
Am I being unreasonable?

I’ve just googled it as I was intrigued, I feel awful now, but honestly he was fine and has grew up fine, but yes it’s not recommended.

I think since it’s a teen you are being over the top but you are a first time mum so it’s excusable.

If you were talking about a toddler or even an under 10 I’d be on your side. If both of these children were yours you wouldn’t be so worried about it but at the same time you then wouldn’t be a first time mum.

Yes I took my first born newborn 5 days old to the bathroom with me for my first post birth poop, dh had gone out I had no idea what it was going to be like, worried my insides were going to fall out. So I don’t get the hate there. We also have the safer sleeper and the breathing mat in his bed.

I took my baby into the bathroom with me too.

I really struggled with leaving them to cry and so it was just easier to have them with me (I had no partner).

In hindsight, a few minutes alone wouldn’t have harmed them but with your first you are over cautious.

Your DH leaving the baby alone is ok and leaving them with DSD is ok too, as long as DSD doesn’t try and lift them up when they’re not supposed to etc.

Having that other pair of eyes/hands will come in very useful.

My child was in the car seat way longer than the recommended time.

She would only sleep when being taken out in the pram and then I’d lift the car seat attachment off and get a couple of hours sleep uninterrupted.

My DC is perfectly healthy and I tell people to do whatever they need to do to get some sleep, although now I would advise the car seat as a last resort but I still don’t think people should feel guilty about using it.

If your upstairs and your DP is in the kitchen I don’t think it matters if the teen is in the room or not, you’re not a million miles away from the baby. I would often leave my babies to nip in to the kitchen to do a few jobs, I just made sure I kept popping my head in

Obviously it's your husband's second baby so he is less neurotic. I suspect if you have another baby you will look back and cringe

@Newmum99653 I was (by the sounds of it) so similar to you. I took my baby into the bathroom with me! I was up for hours and hours in the hospital as she was asleep on my chest and I just couldn’t bear to move her!
I think you are wise to be thoughtful about the safety of your DSD keeping an eye on baby and I think it depends entirely on what she is like in general. It is also okay to want/need to be around your baby and to be really thoughtful about baby’s safety. It’s also okay to be a bit OTT as a FTM; my experience was that I have chilled out over time and they are now very adventurous kids! Enjoy these early days - and make the most of any help you can really trust by sleeping as much as you can!

I just feel so bad after what I have read, but it obviously done him no harm, I weaned him as well at 3 months, he was a very hungry baby even the hungry milk didn’t help, I remember my health visiter had a right go at me, well if she could see him now, he’s a big healthy strapping lad.

I personally would have eyes on my 2 week old baby at all times so I don’t think you are unreasonable to not want a teenager watching her.

@Newmum99653 I haven't read the full thread so forgive me if it's already been mentioned but you should be using cellular blankets so baby can still breath even if he does manage to pull it up over his face.

Advice changes, most of us followed or follow what we are told at the time.

My mum did all bottles in the am stored in the fridge. I made mine up as and when or used the premade. Toes to bottom on back but again with me it was however the hell id actually sleep

What about wearing your newborn in a sling while you go about your day? Then you know exactly how they are all the time. Mine hates being put down so that’s the only way i
got anything done, or just did a lot of things one handed while I held him with the other 😎

Why does an awake baby of a fort ight old actually need watching constantly. What do you imagine they will do?

You are 1000% not being unreasonable if your instinct is saying you need to supervise DSD. No one else knows your family except for you - I think you must trust your gut on this one

@ByBlueLion sorry should have been clearer, it’s a tutti bambini beanbag (suitable from birth) we don’t keep him in there for long periods just for a change of scenery.

@RubySquid
Can I just explain by “watched” I don’t mean watched for every second of every minute, I just mean keeping an eye on and being vigilant

the sleeping thing was a bit of sarcasm. Apologies as it was not necessarily taken like this from a lot of people. I absolutely do not stay up all night watching him. I will say I do easily wake at noises though which isn’t ideal but isn’t due to worry it’s because I’m a light sleeper

@chocolatemuffin75 honestly I wouldn’t feel bad, so much of the current advice has changed from even my nieces and nephews being born 6-7 years ago. We would have followed the advice from family if we hadn’t gone to an antenatal class and that would have been completely different to what we were taught x

I'd use your judgment. Some children are more mature and responsible at that age than others. When I was 12, I would babysit more than one family of four kids under age five, one with a newborn too, cook them all dinner, serve it, clean up, supervise play, give baths, do bedtime, and tidy the house.

That was me...But at 13, I wouldn't even leave my DC alone with the dog!

@PassOnThat Thank you, I appreciate the advice. I definitely feel I’ve been a bit OTT so I can breathe a bit but I do agree on the holding and picking up x

@SixteenClovesOfGarlic I used to work for a babies and nursery department (it’s been quite a while) but I believe it’s no more than 2 hours, due to breathing and also due to the fact their spine should be curved for a long period of time

Of course yabu.

How do you think those of us without older children managed?

Those baby bean bags are not safe.

I can't believe you strap your baby into one of those, yet won't let a 13yo watch her.

They need to be laid on a hard flat surface on their back.

I think you need to consider your attitude to risk and research what is actually safe.

https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/baby-product-information/baby-sleeping-products/

You are being so OTT.

Yes I imagine so much information has changed since the year 2000