13 year old watching newborn

[Newmum99653]

Am I being unreasonable?

I am not comfortable with our 13 year old DSD watching our newborn whilst we do jobs around the house. Personally my priority is the safety of the newborn and anything can happen quickly (choking, falling, suffocating) if not being watched properly. E.g. I came down and DSD was on phone whilst “watching” newborn whilst I was upstairs and DP was in the kitchen.

My DP on the other hand doesn’t see the problem in this at all.

My view is DSD can hold feed cuddle newborn as much as she wants but whilst we are supervising.
Am I being unreasonable?

@Hercisback1 they are compact solid and flat. It’s not traditional beanbag

The photos online clearly have a divot in them. I'd not leave my child in one, but I would leave my child with a 13yo. They also don't look very safe for a baby, the harness doesn't look good and the minute they can move, they'll be tipping it over.

Who's staring at him while your asleep? At 14 days I wouldn't have him in any seat unless driving in a car.

OP, kindly I think maybe you need to speak to your HV about possible post partum anxiety or similar.

If my DD was in her Moses basket, I’d happily go to toilet. I even used to leave her in it to clean the batnroom/kitchen etc (was in a flat so all same level).

You can’t keep eyes on them 24/7, it’s impossible. Your baby isn’t going to choke or suffocate unless you’re not following safety “guidelines” when caring for a newborn, feet to bottom of Moses, blanket tucked under arms etc (is it not too warm for a blanket at the min? Baby might be fine in just a babygrow).

Try and relax a little x

I get it. When I first had my daughter my anxiety was through the roof. Hard to concentrate. I did end up with PPD/PPA. And nearly 3 years later I still have my struggles.

It is absolutely fine for a 13 year old to be in the same room as the baby while no other adults are there. I would have my baby in the room and make tea/breakfast in the kitchen. I did run to any small sound though.

It does get easier. You will calm down. Right now your hormones are crazy. You have a brand new human to take care of. Of course you are over anxious. It’s just sometimes hard to see when you are in the thick of things.

I will say to speak to your midwife/healthvisitor if you have another visit. Talk openly about your feelings and concerns. If you feel like it’s more than just baby blues ask for help.

Good luck and congratulations.

@Hercisback1 unsure what pics you’ve found, I have one currently in front of me and have also checked Google and struggling to see the divot you are referring to.

But each to their own and if you wouldn’t put your child in it, so be it

They are comfy versions of a baby bouncer chair. I had one for my daughter. Didn’t use it loads but if she was awake it was something different than flat on back while I ate.

much advice changes over time (how many of us over a certain age were put in a Moses basket to travel in the car, or didn’t have seatbelts in the back seat growing up) My eldest is now 18 and the safe sleeping guidance (including not leaving very young babies to sleep in car seats) has been around certainly since they were born. The point i was trying to make is that you don’t need to have constant eyes on a young baby as long as you are leaving them in a safe sleeping posture …the op was worried about baby choking on vomit but babies won’t choke if you leave them lying on their back on a flat,firm surface. It’s amazing what products companies try to sell to new parents as the next “must have” and i personally would be less reassured to leave my baby to sleep on that weird bean bag thing than i would on a mat or in a moses basket.

You dont need your eyes on a baby 24/7 - the most important thing is a safe place for them when you are doing jobs/having a shower/cooking etc. I was on my own after 2 days due to husbands work and my newborn was perfectly safe when I wasn’t in the room. Moses basket, playmat with toys above for the baby to look at, baby bouncer etc?

I do think we are creating extremely over anxious mums in this day and age. Im not aiming this at you but just the general pressures put on mums, especially with newborns. Life needs to go on, you need to be able to function, cook, clean, wash etc etc normally and as long as its a safe area and checked on regularly, your baby will be fine.

But what about long car journeys?

Regular breaks of 30 minutes. If the baby is under 6 months then would have to do over a couple of days.

I had no idea of this. Nothing about it when mine were babies.

You are meant to avoid long journeys for pre term and very young infants…if you need to ,you should allow regular breaks. The research shows that young babies may be more at risk of breathing difficulties if sleeping in an upright position for too long.Again, it’s about the SIDS risk,the most vulnerable time is under 3 months and certainly 14 days is v.young. www.lullabytrust.org.uk for advice.

Depends on the 13 year old… will she leave baby safely strapped in its rocker, or in its cot… or will she keep picking him/her up?
If she’s giving baby a bottle, holding it or winding etc I’d want her supervised personally.

@ByBlueLion hes not kept in a car seat

I don't know how I managed to miss this. The only thing we were told was to put them on their backs, not their fronts, with the slogan 'Back to Sleep.'

A newborn is a blob. What can happen? You're lucky you have someone to watch them!

Common knowledge now

@Idontpostmuch i don’t remember it even being mentioned in our antenatal class, just so happened I knew because of a previous job.

It's a major thing not to have been mentioned. Very strange.

Don’t worry, my eldest is 18 and this advice was certainly around in the 2000’s …but I’m a physio so anything postural/breathing related will be more likely to lodge in my brain! It was still ok to have a couple of alcoholic drinks a week in pregnancy when i had her, i doubt that is the guidance now!?

Honestly I think this is a bit over the top. My daughters 12 and she has a wee brother who’s just turned 1 from dad and step mum and she watches him and has done since day 1 of they have been pottering around. Her step mum left them for 15 mins whilst she popped to the shop for nappies the other week. Her dad was working and she wasn’t comfortable my DD going to the shop herself as they just moved into the new house days before and a new area. I didn’t mind. Doors were locked DD had a key in the house incase and the wee boy and her watched his cartoons. She’s very mature for her age and adores her brother to death. He sits in her room with her for hours chilling they love it. X

Mine were born 1994 and 1998, but you'd think it would have been known about then, given all the alerts about SIDS and not putting them on their fronts.

You are being OTT, but you’re only two weeks into motherhood and it’s totally natural to be over protective at this stage. For the first two nights my eldest was home I set an alarm for every hour through the night so that I could check she was breathing. I was not entirely sane at this point! 😂. It’s not just about being naturally protective, sleep deprivation does things to your brain. The newborn stage is really difficult. My advice would be to recognise that you may be being unnecessarily over protective, but don’t feel you have to stop being so. Just let yourself do what you need to do to feel comfortable. And maybe stress to DSD that it’s just that you’re being a bit over protective and it’s no slight on her and she is very much loved and a valued big sister. This stage doesn’t last long.

It’s not something I was aware of until after my baby was born. Lots of things change. I hate thinking about the car seat we had her in originally. Thankfully we weren’t in any accidents but we once we knew about more about car seats we got 2 extended rear facing seats. It’s sad that it’s not knowledge passed to new parents. I guess it doesn’t help that what is legal is not necessarily safe.