Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

[Rizzlekicks123]

Never posted before but was hoping for either some moral support.

I gave cpr recently to a neighbour (who I don't know but who mutual friends do). I am not a medic and havent had formal training. Just online reading. The woman lived and is going to be ok (thank goodness). The thing that is upsetting me is that she hasn't reached out despite knowing how to find me. She owes me nothing and I'd do the same again if I was faced with it, but I feel so sad that the trauma I experienced has not been acknowledged. I dont want anything other than a "are you ok" It was so stressful. Aibu?

If you know her, why dont you pop round instead to check on her?

This was my thought. At that moment she would have been barely aware of what was happening. I understand how the OP was affected by the event but I wouldn't necessarily expect anything from the woman she helped.

This. It’s utterly batshit.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to think that the person you helped save may want to/should thank you or at least acknowledge what you did - particularly when you’re not complete strangers.

What an absolutely horrible post.

To be clear I got the message to the person who performed the CPR that we were grateful and that DH was OK.

DH hasn't really been able to come to terms with what happened.

I haven't really probed him on it as the whole incident was traumatising. He had broken ribs and black eyes after the episode which he has no memory of whatsoever. He was one minute fine in a field and the next thing he was in ICU.

I don't think he owes anyone an explanation of why he feels uncomfortable reliving that in any way. I just know that he couldn't even go back to the same area again.

So this scenario is different but I can totally understand why people don't reach out. If I hadn't been there he wouldn't even have the first clue who had done the CPR. In normal circumstances they just hand over to paramedics and don't give their details, why would they?

Yep. This. The woman probably doesn’t even know OP was involved. I can understand how OP feels but seeking support from the person she saved is just wrong and however she couches it, it smacks of seeking validation and thanks for what she did. It’s not about OP - she should talk her experience through with someone to gain some perspective and leave her neighbour in peace to process what will be a very different experience from her own. Facing your own mortality is the ultimate trauma.

Most sensible post here - puts things into proper perspective.

To date, virtually every post pointing out the reality of the situation has been called out like this. The woman nearly died. OP was in a position to help and then presumably left after handing over to medics at the scene. The reality is that the neighbour probably doesn’t even know OP was there, let alone saved her life. So OP trying to contact her in any way - even to see how she is - with the intention of confirming that she was the one who save her life, would indeed be making it all about her.

Assuming they know. Very probably they don’t - because they were, y’know, clinically dead at the time.

Chances are she doesn't know it was you who performed CPR. I've seen paramedic paperwork from out of hospital cardiac arrests and it says ' bystander' performed CPR. I've never seen any personal details documented. Plus, your input was only the beginning of the woman's journey and many other people will have been involved in her care and recovery. Paramedics, A and E staff, possibly intensive care and theatre staff then the ward drs , nurses, physio etc etc. She'll still be processing it all and in reality, that's a lot of people to seek out and thank. She'll be focussing on herself right now. There have been some good suggestions on here about where you can seek support for your traumatic experience.

Without being nasty to you, they've got a small point minus the rude part. Do you have to be nasty to someone who is clearly struggling? They've gone thru something that most of us wont go thru so don't judge how they are feeling.

Are you sure that the family and the patient are aware that you did what you did? An out of hospital arrest can be a terrifying and confusing place, of that didn’t witness it themselves they may not know the details of who did what. Apologies if you have answered this already

OP - sympathies. Your feelings are valid and I remember in my first aid course, the trainer saying that giving CPR can be traumatic (contact, cracked ribs, panic, etc) and many people even trained don't feel they can do it.

I think that you are looking for validation/help from the wrong source (the person you helped). Have you got any IRL counsellor you can access via work or charity like the Samaritans? You do need to 'debrief' yourself of what happened and how you feel about it and the best person would be a therapist. Us here can be terribly judgy.

Is she even still alive? I hope so.

https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/support/support-if-youve-given-cpr
might be helpful

I think in this situation maybe ppl need to read between the lines of the post instead of jumping on the op , op is trying to tell us shes struggling and maybe she wants an acknowledgement to help process that. Theres a pile on that the op doesn't need so dont be part of it. Where as I personally think op is being unreasonable to expect a thank you, I certainly don't think thats the main issue here. The posts that have been called out (the ones ive seen) have been intentionally hurtful and meant to plant a seed in an already upset person.

Hello, firstly well done for stepping in and helping in a stressful situation.
I haven't read all the replies but I think you have had some harsh replies- you have also had a trauma and I think you have highlighted a good point that emergencies such as this affect a wide range of people.not just the patient and their family/friends.
The British Heart Foundation have some resources that you may find helpful:

www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/support/support-if-youve-given-cpr

I understand how you feel, but why don’t you just call on her, or even pop a note through the door, saying "Hi, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I’m so glad I was able to remember enough about how to give CPR to be able to help you. I do hope you’re getting on well."

That gives her the perfect opportunity to thank you. If she doesn’t, I’m afraid you’ll just have to accept it.

You’ve done an amazing thing to help. You’ve given someone enough oxygen so their heart keeps beating and their brain and other organs don’t perish. Thank you from me from the bottom of my heart 💐

My dad has been in a coma in ICU the last couple of weeks because he didn’t get CPR and it looks increasingly likely he won’t wake up again because he hasn’t had oxygen for about 8 minutes. No one did CPR for him. My mum and SIL were there. It didn't occur to them. I’m not blaming them btw as I think they’re genuinely clueless and my mum couldn’t even lie my dad down on the floor.

So I’d definitely reach out to thank the person helping out as it’s a big thing to do for someone else. This experience showed me also I need to refresh my CPR knowledge

Speak to someone to work through your trauma, hope you’re okay

OP, you did a really wonderful thing 💐💐💐💐

I wonder if the person is still a bit traumatised/ embarrassed/ triggered by seeing you?

I dont want anything other than a "are you ok" It was so stressful.

I wouldn't be expecting the person you gave it to, to be asking you if you're ok-surely that's for your family to be doing. They are your support network.

I would probably go round to the person to see if they were ok, but I wouldn't particularly be expecting her to ask after you.

Harsh.

This

It would be nice if eg her family sent flowers to thank you but surely you can understand why this might be the last thing on their minds?

Well done for saving a life. That's phenomenal and I hope you can get support from your own circle

I've been in this situation many times, while nursing. It's different because we're trained. There is always the one that gets to you,in my case a young guy,who didn't make it, I bawled my eyes out! Yes,as one poster succinctly put it,no pulse,no breathing, you're dead, and will stay that way without intervention. I drill basic life support,CPR into my teenage gks. I signed petitions over the years trying to get basic first aid onto the national curriculum. Their school were doing it...it was booked, paid for, then cancelled at the last minute through lack of take-up.. just after the pandemic,my oldest DD was in a busy situation,at work, and did CPR, then went about her day, she's not medically trained, wasn't even a first aider, said to me she wondered how the person was. Next thing, she got a letter of thanks from the relatives AND an off duty police officer who assisted,out her forward for an award. It is traumatic and horrible and extremely physically hard work,it's not like the movies, however,you can't really send someone a card or say how are you after I saved you!