Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

[Rizzlekicks123]

Never posted before but was hoping for either some moral support.

I gave cpr recently to a neighbour (who I don't know but who mutual friends do). I am not a medic and havent had formal training. Just online reading. The woman lived and is going to be ok (thank goodness). The thing that is upsetting me is that she hasn't reached out despite knowing how to find me. She owes me nothing and I'd do the same again if I was faced with it, but I feel so sad that the trauma I experienced has not been acknowledged. I dont want anything other than a "are you ok" It was so stressful. Aibu?

Thanks everyone. I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting the hate 😂. I do know the lady is home because I've seen her walking out of the apartment block. I've never been looking for a 'it was me who saved you' conversation, more of a bit of closure if that makes sense. I guess I was just expecting contact from a family member because I think if it were my sister/Dad/friend I like to think I'd probably send a card. People are right though, the woman has been through an ordeal and she must still be processing what's happened to her and will no doubt be feeling rubbish still. I'll try and put it to bed. Thanks for helpful links/suggestions and kind words from people. Leaving now.

I’m sorry for your loss. CPR isn’t about saving someone’s life, it’s about keeping the bloody and oxygen circulating until the cause of the original cardiac arrest is identified and reversed if there is in fact a reversible cause, if the original cause of arrest isn’t reversible the best quality CPR in the world won’t make any difference. Of course CPR is life saving and if the underlying cause can be fixed then good quality CPR will reduce the likelihood of brain and organ damage and buy time but that alone won’t keep someone alive. I hope this gives you comfort that you done everything you could and sadly it wasn’t meant to be for your dad and it’s got nothing to do with the quality of your CPR.

You seem like a lovely person Op. Id love to have you as my neighbour.

Perhaps more than the person you saved, I’d be expecting a family member to drop by. Assuming of course they know it’s you.
if someone kept a loved one of mine alive long enough for medics to help and save my life I’d be wanting to thank them.
it would give me great pleasure to do so.
you sound philosophical tho, OP, and a nice person too.
x

Actually OP I think you might need some counselling, what you did was traumatic for you too. I would pursue that route and look after yourself x

Yeah that is a bit weird she hasn't acknowledged you. Maybe she's embarrassed. You did well OP, no hate from me and none of the haters on here will say no to CPR. All the best!

Why don’t you pop round with a bunch of flowers? She may not know the circumstances. Mind you, not sure she would want reminding.

Horrible is expecting someone whose heart has stopped to drop by to check on her. They shouldn’t be expected to take on OPs emotional baggage.

Other people in OPs life should be picking up the slack here, recognising the trauma and asking how they are.

I would like to think that if someone saved my life that if I knew who they were that I would at least thank them - I would probably send a card rather than face to face.

The OPs post is not horrible.

youve clearly never been involved in a cpr situation. It’s traumatic for everyone involved.

You clearly can’t see that people’s experiences in situations are all different.

in the situations I have been involved in I have never thought that the person should have checked on me, I have thought about the wider situation and how difficult a time that person and their family will be having. I haven’t wanted to make this worse by expecting them to be responsible for my emotions.

I don't think you're unreasonable. The lady, or the family, should definitely have thanked you - that's if they actually knew it was you? In an emergency they may not have realised who you were, and the lady would have been unconscious, so no idea unless she's been told.

OP wasn't asking for the person to check on her.
She was hoping for some thanks and acknowledgement for saving her life.

Not for her family or the mutual neighbour/ friend to contact her is appalling.

Don't want to derail thread, but these were stories no proof of being real, so therefore he would come out on a positive note.

OP says that she has a friends who knew the woman.

I gave cpr recently to a neighbour (who I don't know but who mutual friends do).

@Rizzlekicks123 I know you said you're leaving the thread but many posts have been appalling.

Those posters need to take along hard look at themselves in the mirror.

They are clearly people with low standards of behaviour.

And presumably they have never heard requests on the radio by people who owe their lives to a stranger who saved them- and somehow want to get in touch and thank them.

It’s all “I I I” with you. The irony of mentioning different people’s experiences and then being so damning to someone who’s suffered a trauma.

you sound awful.

Often years, or decades, later.

The best professional CPR only has a 7% success rate.
In the vast majority cases there is nothing that can be done.

A family died 2 weeks ago. They even had an AED in the room but an hour of CPR and use of an AED were unsuccessful.

Were they being a knob, though or just saying the truth?

To be fair, her feelings about this shouldn't be put on the person who almost lost their life.

I understand how stressful and traumatic it would be on the OP to be in that position, but it's not reasonable to put that stress/trauma onto the person who almost died and expect them to reach out and what?

They're both traumatised in their own ways and OP needs to find someone in her life to talk to about this-not the woman who almost died.

Yes, everyone's first thought after almost losing their life, and likely dealing with the trauma and medical fallout of such an occurrence is how to send a thank you card to someone else.

How selfish of them for not thinking of OP's trauma during their near death experience.

I mean I would say thanks, but you are making it all about you expecting her to recognise your trauma. Can't you juat be glad you've saved someone's life?

Exactly. Of course she’s traumatised (it’s basically like violently assaulting someone dying, when you feel you have no other choice), but it’s not on the other traumatised person whose life was on the line to help her get through her understandable trauma.

I really hope @PrincessPammy and @ScrambledEggs12 you have not read the whole thread. PPs who have been resuscitated or seen their very small child resuscitated have shared how traumatic that was and how it's taken years to get to the point of feeling able to even think about the event, and you've ignoring all their experience and trauma in favour of "I'd like to think I would" within a mere 2 months or even labelling their behaviour appalling and themselves as having a "low standard if behaviour". Other PPs who work in the area have also explained this.

I am going to put that down to a profound lack of experience of this kind of thing. The brain blocks things out, cognitive function gets impaired, your world shrinks down to survival mode and a sea of trauma. Sometimes people want to reach out and say thank you as part of them processing it but it can take many months or they may never get there. Just because some people can or do at some point, doesn't mean that everyone is able. Support in, lean out. That's how society works in a crisis.

We had a similar event with my neighbour recently (he died) and his wife has no memories of that night. She hugs me a lot now so I think she remembers something but I would honestly be horrified if she wrote me a thank you note. She is not an "appalling person" or one with "low standards of behaviour", she is one of the kindest people I've ever met and she is traumatized.

I haven’t RTFT so apologies if I’m repeating what others have said.

Firstly, well done. It takes guts to actually get involved and do something, especially if it isn’t someone close to you.

I’m a Basic Life Support Instructor. Aside from the actual skills, the two things I always emphasise are the low chance of surviving an out of hospital cardiac arrest no matter how brilliant the CPR (and defibrillation) and the fact that, if the patient does survive, they may want no contact with anyone who helped.

The latter is usually a combination of reasons, including trauma and loss of memory. Most people who survive a cardiac arrest have memory gaps.

Please do seek some support for yourself and find someone with whom you can talk what happened, as often as you need.

Take care and well done