Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

[Rizzlekicks123]

Never posted before but was hoping for either some moral support.

I gave cpr recently to a neighbour (who I don't know but who mutual friends do). I am not a medic and havent had formal training. Just online reading. The woman lived and is going to be ok (thank goodness). The thing that is upsetting me is that she hasn't reached out despite knowing how to find me. She owes me nothing and I'd do the same again if I was faced with it, but I feel so sad that the trauma I experienced has not been acknowledged. I dont want anything other than a "are you ok" It was so stressful. Aibu?

Its nastiness and ignorance also. Unless people have been in OPs position they wont understand the complex aftermath.

I think this is what’s needed to be honest. The OP may be traumatised but she shouldn’t be seeking support from the person she helped. Someone needed to tell her that bluntly instead of pussyfooting around the issue. There are support groups online for this kind of thing and OP could talk it through with friends or family. Her neighbour may be traumatised herself, or may not even know it was OP who saved her. OP did a really good thing and the knowledge that she saved a life should be enough. It doesn’t need validation.

Hi OP, someone (a stranger) did this for a close relative of mine and although the outcome was not as happy, it did buy us more time and a better chance.

I am incredibly grateful to that person and mention often what their actions gave us that we wouldn't have had otherwise.

I am fairly sure that we asked for our thanks to be passed on and I think another relative of mine may even have made contact but honestly I was in such a state for an extended period of time that I couldn't tell you which way was up for months (and i wasn't even the one it had happened to), so I couldn't tell you with any certainty what messages were given or got through.

I do remember hearing that the person who gave CPR was enquiring about my relative's welfare once or twice and, despite my heartfelt gratitude, I also remember an extremely unreasonable feeling of wishing to be left alone as I simply couldn't cope with anything else, including basic niceties to this wonderful stranger.

It was very contradictory and completely discombobulating. I think and hope my other relative handled it much better than me and I hope that person knows how grateful I am (now, years later, in a much less fraught and complicated way!)

All of this to say, something similar may be going on here and it doesn't mean that the neighbour isn't it or won't be extremely grateful to you.

It must have been so difficult for you but you did a wonderful thing - well done and thank you!

Give it time. My husband has done it twice and the one he found that he didn’t know reached out a few weeks after following his wife reaching out to say thankyou. It meant a lot.

I do think it’s rude( not sorry for saying that).It is hugely traumatising and worruing( did I do the right thing) if it’s not your job and he had to go out on quite a limb to save this person. I think the difference between a member of the public and a professional doing it is all of us rely on the good nature of those around us as sometimes those there before professionals arrive make all the difference.

As an aside my husband also did it on my dad. He got his heart working again enough to keep him alive to get to hospital which gave us all time to get there and say goodbye. I will be forever grateful and grateful to members of the public who do this. The consultant in ICU said it often doesn’t work so he/you did good.

I can believe that your experience was traumatic but I don't think the person you gave CPR to is the right person to support you. You both had very different experiences of the same event so you do not have "shared" trauma.

I don't think I would contact this lady at all. You did what needed to be done when it needed to be done. She is unlikely to have any recollection and her family may have been too distraught to even think about telling her what happened at the time. Be satisfied that you were able to do something as amazing as save a life.

Other posters have posted links to organisations who may be better able to help you process what happened so I think I would contact them.

Well done op! You have done an amazing thing!
I understand it was very stressful for you and it will take you time to process.
I was the opposite to you though……I gave CPR in a local restaurant and got him back. The owner of the restaurant rang to tell me that he was ok and after visiting him in the hospital asked if they could pass on my details to speak to say thank you.
I asked to pass on my well wishes and I’m so glad he was ok and that he was alive was thanks enough. I couldn’t bring myself to see him as that night affected me a lot but knowing he was ok was good for me.

I don’t think op is making it all about her. She’s not a trained medic, and saw someone close to death, and helped that person to live. That’s a big thing.

OP could you gently check in on the neighbour. Maybe they don’t even know the detail of what happened. It might do you good too to see the evidence of your efforts.
If you can’t, just be assured you did a good thing. Well done x

What are expecting a commendation, your name on the local SM page! The person you helped is probably still coming to terms with what happened to them! Your post smacks of entitlement!

I am also a nurse who has done CPR at work. And being out of work was a completely different experience and I was wasn’t in uniform…I wasn’t ‘on call’ I was in a restaurant relaxing with family. As was the bloke who stopped breathing with his daughter and son in law screaming and shouting in panic.

I would speak with St John’s ambulance or your local ambulance service for a debrief etc.
I found it helpful speaking to colleagues.

The lack of emotional intelligence on this thread is unreal - just plain nasty. It is obvious that a non-medical person performing a life-or-death procedure on someone may leave that person with some feelings of trauma or other emotional distress. If you can’t understand that then your emotional intelligence is on the floor and you really need to learn to think before you speak/type your keyboard warrior responses.

Yes, OP should speak to professionals who can help her deal with her feelings. She is likely feeling confused and this may have caused her to think the patient should be checking in on her too - it doesn’t automatically make her a selfish person who is only thinking about herself. Sometimes trauma means we don’t articulate clearly or direct our expectations in the right direction initially.

She doesn’t owe OP a thing. Why do people do a good thing and then devalue it by making it all about themselves ? The poor woman nearly died. She should be left alone to deal with her own trauma and OP shouldn’t be seeking validation from her. OP is clearly traumatised herself and should seek professional help for that.

Thereby making it all about her. She wouldn’t be checking in on the neighbour out of concern for her wellbeing, but for validation, and, if she’s honest, a thank you.

I have PTSD from the various time my son almost died, every time I saw staff involved in it I wanted to throw up. I suspect that's how they felt.

I guess I was just expecting some sort of contact from someone in their family. Probably unreasonably.

God almighty!

Some responses here are bizarre. ie 'she owes you nothing'. Errr...she does- her life!

If someone saved my life I'd be sending flowers, sending my family round to thank them and singing their praises right, left and centre.

OP you are entitled to feel hurt.
I can't understand anyone behaving like her or surely her family.
Does she have family and do they know you saved her life?

She serves a bloody big Thank you!

What on earth is the matter with people today?
You save someone's life yet it's fine not for that person to thank you.

My faith in humanity has just taken another tumble.

Giving CPR is a skilled job for someone not a medic.

The least anyone can do if you save their life is to say thanks.

If posters saying that is 'too much' give your head a bloody good wobble .

WTF are you talking about ?? The woman went into cardiac arrest. She probably doesn’t even know OP was there, let alone saved her life !! She’s probably processing her own trauma, and your batshit suggestion of OP turning up on her doorstep looking for an explanation of why she hadn’t been contacted and thanked (because that’s basically what OP is looking for) isn’t going to help that. It’s not about you and in that instance you would be the d**k !!

This! Add in the fact that she is highly unlikely to get any support on the NHS.

It takes two minutes to aknowledge such a kind brave act. A card, message or note would suffice if face to face isn’t possible.

I wonder how many people on here would readily jump in and do the same as the op?

Oh don't be silly.
Someone else will have told her that her life was saved by this poster.

'Processing her own trauma' is no excuse for not saying thanks for saving my life.

I think humanity has sunk to a new low if these are the morals people live by.

OP did a wonderful thing. She saved someone’s life. The person she saved may not even know she was there but the judgement is all on her for not immediately seeking OP out and falling on her knees in gratitude. One poster even suggesting OP turn up on her doorstep for an explanation as to why she hasn’t contacted her.

Making the ultimate good deed of saving someone’s life all about yourself and seeking validation to the point of posting about it on social media is what shakes my faith in humanity.

I think it's a new low to be angry at someone who will still be recovering from briefly dying for not having good enough manners

Have you nearly died? Had your heart ever literally stopped? Have you ever had to recover from that physically? Have you ever had to recover from facing your own death psychologically?

To say you would thank a stranger from giving CPR “as soon as you were lucid” is lunacy. I guarantee you would not. You’d barely be able to comprehend what’s just happened to you.

From doing CPR training, I think having it done to you must feel like an assault

They might have been too unwell to even remember it. Let alone that you were involved. Even if they seemed conscious eventually. They may still be very unwell.

I guess you just have to think that you'd do it for a complete stranger, and you wouldn't necessarily expect any acknowledgement after the event. So you've done a good deed. You don't really need thanks or praise.

I've been brought back a couple times and had seizures and if the person who helped hadn't told me after I wouldn't have known it happened, at all.

How on earth can you possibly know that ? The woman went into cardiac arrest and wouldn’t have known a thing - she’s processing her own trauma. OP probably genuinely feels traumatised but the last person she should be turning to for support is the person she saved. There’s plenty of support out there for that without imposing on someone's recovery process because you want validation for your good deed.

My dh gave CPR to a small baby in a petrol garage. Mum come running into the garage with babe in her arms asking for help. My dh is ex services, they did CPR training every year.
He got the baby breathing again. Ambulance came in about 4 mins.
He was traumatised when he got home.
A few weeks later he got a lovely card from the mum. She had traced him from his van- had contact number on the side of it.