Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

[Rizzlekicks123]

Never posted before but was hoping for either some moral support.

I gave cpr recently to a neighbour (who I don't know but who mutual friends do). I am not a medic and havent had formal training. Just online reading. The woman lived and is going to be ok (thank goodness). The thing that is upsetting me is that she hasn't reached out despite knowing how to find me. She owes me nothing and I'd do the same again if I was faced with it, but I feel so sad that the trauma I experienced has not been acknowledged. I dont want anything other than a "are you ok" It was so stressful. Aibu?

You probably broke her ribs and she’s angry with you.

Take your reward and joy from the fact that the person lived. That is the best outcome for your both.
Surely you want the person you helped to not remember it, to get on with their life and to not feel indebted to you at all.

Well done you and if you need help with your trauma seek advice from St John's Ambulance or another organisation which teaches CPR.

@Muffinmam - unless she had a DNR that OP couldn’t possibly know about that is an absolutely ludicrous thing to say. This person probably has PTSD and is trying to cope with that. They will be very grateful to OP and thankful that they are alive.

OP you can ignore the vast amount of commentators who don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.

there are support groups on Facebook for people who have given cpr, I suggest you seek out that support or other professional help. Most people given cpr outside of a hospital setting don’t survive - it’s not like tv. It’s hugely traumatic for a non HCP (and HCP too!) to give cpr.

yes it is surprising that the survivor’s family at least haven’t acknowledged your life saving and unusually successful efforts. But they’ll have their reasons so don’t dwell on it and that’s why you need to process this somehow with help from elsewhere.

i gave cpr successfully a number of years ago and I think about it frequently still. It was just sheer chance I’d been to a community day course the day before.

That’s really weird of them. What a thing for you to have done though. Amazing. It takes a lot of courage and composure to do that.

Me too.

What?!!?! This is mind blowing to me

I'm surprised by the amount of people who don't think the neighbour - whose life you saved - should contact you.

Not CPR, but I choked, and when the heimlich failed, a neighbour (who I don't know well) raced to assist, and essentially manhandled me and managed to remove the obstruction and get me breathing again. I was unconscious for a few minutes so remember nothing - although I apparently wet myself and vomited on him, both of which are mortifying. I was awake the entire night processing what had happened, and the following morning I was straight round there with a card and gifts (in spite of my embarrassment), and it was clear that he was more traumatised than I was by it all and he kept apologizing for hurting me!

So once your neighbour is physically well enough, yes I'd assume she'd contact you... after all, she won't have to go far out of her way to find you.

This
When a patient is in cardiac arrest they are unconscious and unaware of what is happening to them…..she may not even know who initiated CPR

Honestly what you did was amazing. Having spent about 4y cumulatively as an icu Dr seeing lots of our of hospital arrests I've only seen 3 that make it out of icu so your cpr must have been fab

She may not even be out of hospital some cab be on ventilators for a number of weeks and then need prolonged rehab. Can always get in touch with their family but acknowledge they're probably super traumatised

I assume they'll be charities that support people like you on Google but I'm not sure off the top of my head. Well done though that's super impressive!

As a Dr we were always taught if you aren't breaking ribs you aren't doing cpr properly. Being angry at what happened is natural, but not angry at op

You feel someone who just had a severely traumatic medical event should be checking in on YOU to see if you're OK?

I'm sure she is grateful but the onus isn't on her to seek you out.

You did a great thing, but if you are struggling emotionally then you need to find other support - not expect the person who nearly died to reassure you.

@samplesalequeen , i’m so sorry. That must have been horrific and traumatic.

I’m an ex medic. I know you know this, but if someone is poorly enough to need CPR, you are battling ALL the systems of the body being at the point of fatal shutdown at once. The odds are well and truly stacked. You did incredibly well to keep going as long and as effectively as you did to give your Dad as much of a chance as you (or anyone) could. Incredibly well. I’m so sorry for your loss.

It does show a level of ignorance or emotional immaturity not to acknowledge that someone tried to save your life, esp through somethibg as intimate as cpr. Your efforts were dismissed.

She seems to have recovered enough to get out and about yet you're left hanging. That's rude.

I wouldn't write a card but I'd personally approach and ask if they're OK. I'd personally let them know what I'd done for them during the emergency and gauge their reaction. It might give her a chance to explain why she hadn't been in touch. If she's dismissive...then she's a d**k. You then move on knowing you did the right thing.

I would totally feel the same as you OP. I'd feel awkward even though I didn't create the awkwardness.

The woman had a major traumatic medical event and nearly died. Why would anyone expect anything of her? I can't believe people are calling her rude.

OP did a great thing and the lady is alive - that's amazing.

If OP cares that much then she could check in, I'm sure the woman will be very grateful. But why would you expect anything of someone who is clearly very, very seriously unwell and has been through a major trauma?

I didn't know that CPR came with strings attached.

@Rizzlekicks123 A close family member of mine was revived by CPR in a public place. She was extremely traumatised by the situation for months afterwards. Every time she had to talk about what happened, either to an NHS professional or to a well meaning person asking about it, it reopened up that trauma for her. She would have found a card sent to her extremely intrusive. Just because this person is getting out and about, you don't know what they may be struggling with psychologically. Please leave them alone and let them continue getting better. They may reach out in time but it should be on their terms.

As someone who has performed CPR many times, I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable.

She is likely to be in shock , and even if she is going to be ok long term she is surely still feeling unwell or undergoing tests/treatments etc . She may also feel embarrassed.

CPR is extremely traumatic to those performing it , especially out of hospital environment. I do feel for you. People who haven’t done it ‘don’t get it’ and she likely won’t really be thinking she needs to check on you and will be focussing on her own recovery

Because maybe she is rude?

I'm not dismissing her traumatic experience, I've had them myself.

That's why im advocating approaching her (after she has recovered) with an openmind and letting her know what she did for her. I know I'd appreciate that if I was in this ladys shoes. Maybe she isn't fully aware. Maybe she is. Maybe she hasn't been well enough to acknowledge what was done. Maybe she was well enough and was never going to bother. People are weird. At least op will know.

You dont owe anyone anything if they save your life but manners are important. This woman is a neighbour and awkwardness needs to be dealt with at some point.

She could possibly have a misguided sense of embarrassment but surely you're making it all about you by wanting them to check if you are ok? I've been here myself and my natural reaction wasn't to wait for them to reach out to me to see if I was ok. My natural reaction was to reach out to them and check that they were ok.

Imagine thinking that a woman who nearly died should re frame her trauma to acknowledge your feelings. This is really shockingly self absorbed.

Again, please just leave her alone. If the woman who almost died wants to find you she knows where you are. Meantime, if you need trauma counselling you should organise that.

Nah. Nearly dying trumps Hyacinth Bucket's views on manners. The woman who nearly died can approach or not approach anyone she pleases, and nobody normal, caring or empathetic will think anything of it.

This pile on on mumsnet is shameful and disgusting. What do you get out of this? Feeling superior by trying to shame others? Maybe you need therapy.

Op is allowed to express herself....whether rightly or wrongly. She went through something extremely traumatic, helped save someone's life and is trying to process the event.

Either say something constructive or leave her alone.

First of all, well done on giving the CPR and saving someone's life- that's a huge achievement, and you should be very proud of yourself 😊.

There's so many reasons why your neighbour may not have reached out, but please don't take this as a reflection on you- they may be embarrassed, as one previous poster has said, or they may be as traumatised as you are - they were on the brink of death after all; it may be that they want to forget it and move on. They may not want to relive the experience.

I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to someone about your experience, and you can talk about your feelings regarding the person you saved not reaching out to you. I think it would help massively, and then you're not dependent on the person you helped for closure, it's something you can take into your own hands, if you see what I mean.

Once again, absolutely well done for what you did, you should feel proud - I wish you all the very best moving forward 💐

She’ll be traumatised (and possibly embarrassed) I had a seizure in front of 60 people at my old work and I asked my line manager to make an announcement to the office that no-one was to ask me about it when I got back to work. I had two weeks off over Christmas and was still upset when I went back but luckily everyone was very respectful and nice.

I’ve heard survivors of near death experiences talk about feeling violated by the attempts to save them (so many people with their hands and/or mouths on or even IN your body, depending on what procedures you end up having, and you eventually wake up knowing lots of people have done stuff to you but exactly not who or what), and the internal conflict of hating that knowledge whilst being so grateful that people went above and beyond to save you.

It’s a proper head fuck, an NDE. She will be recovering on all levels for a long while yet.