To hate holidays with inlaws

[DodecahedronCat]

Every year we go on a UK holiday with my husbands family . His sister in law is the boss of the family, she makes all the plans and everyone follows her. If i ask my husband what we're doing his answer is "I'll see what SISTER says"...
SIL and I are totally different, in 13 years of knowing her she has barely had a conversation with me. I hate being around her and her idea of a holiday is not the same as mine.
I told my husband I cant stand it. He is furious and says its my problem and my bad attitude is ruining the holiday.

I wouldn't go. Why waste your holiday doing stuff you don't want to with bossy folk? Tell your dh he's not your boss and neither is his sister.

But why go on holiday with them if you hate it?

For the kids and my husband.
The kids love playing with their cousins and my husband wouldn't want to miss out on the family trip, his family have been doing it since he was a child with his extended family.

Plan your own holiday without the in-laws, particularly if you have dc. Do your own thing. I did a couple of holidays with relatives, but they were very child centric (I don’t have dc) and it just wasn’t my thing. I’m not going to spend time (7 hours!) and money doing a holiday all about someone else’s kids.

If she hasn’t talked to you, would she notice that you’re not there if you went and did your own thing?

There is no reason you should have to do what she wants on your holiday.

Say “that’s nice, I hope you have a lovely time. I’m going to go do xyz. See you later.”

Calm, matter of fact and go and do it or not go if you can.

Everyone else reads to be a bit lazy and waiting for someone to take control so they don’t have to think or plan so they just go along with what she says.

YANBU - holidays are precious, please don’t put up with other people to keep them happy when it’s clear they’re not thinking about you at all. I’m really sorry your husband doesn’t support you in this. I hope someone can give you some advice on how to deal with your husband over this without falling out. I most definitely would loose my sh*t with my husband if he was expecting me to go away with his family knowing how I felt so I’m not the best to advise xx

Oh my word I could have written this word for word.

Solidarity.

Can you just go for a weekend or is it overseas?

Er, so don't go! Just let your husband go without you, and you do your own thing. It's very simple.

why can't DH take the DC? You chose something that you'd enjoy.
another option would be for him to choose one year, your choice alternate years. As PP has said, you don't need to live in each others pockets when there.

You don’t like sil, sounds like she doesn’t like you. Don’t go, dh can go with the dc’s and you stay home.

Is this your only holiday? If so, I would not be happy. If it is an extra one - I would probably suck it up for sake of husband/kids - or be unable to get the time off work if I really couldn't face it and let husband go alone.

It’s very likely that you’ll continue going for many years until you finally can’t bear it (possibly row with husband) and refuse to go. Then you’ll realise that nothing bad happened, you are an autonomous being and you could have not gone many years ago. Hit the fast forward button and save yourself the pain. Next time just say, oh I’m going to skip this year darling, I don’t really fancy it, you and the kids still go’ (and repeat). Then have yourself a wonderful week of silence.

These things come down to a battle of wills. Can you be disagreeable as SIL?

If SIL is allowed to give orders, then so are you. Tell him he’s taking the children and you’ll stay home and get some “me time”.

We holidayed with in-laws for about 10 years before I finally said enough was enough. We could only afford 1 holiday a year, and it was miserable. I did have to talk some sense into DH but now what we do is our main ‘holiday’ is with just us, and we have a weekend away later in the year with in laws. Much more manageable!

Go for a long weekend. That’s what I have always done with my DH family weeks. I go for 3 nights (4 when kids were younger) and he does the full week

so let him take them on his own. Stay at home and keep working, then plan some annual leave for your own holiday with them.

Why do you have to go?? Let your husband take them without you

The summer holidays are 6 weeks long.

Let the kids and husband go without you. Stay at home and work

Organise a different holiday later in the summer with the kids and no inlaws. Also without dh if he can't get enough Leave.

Life is too short to waste on miserable holidays. If you won't enjoy it do not go.

next year I’d be unable to get the time off work. What a shame he’d have to take the kids by himself. I’d then plan a lovely holiday abroad just for your family

As other PP said! Plan your own holiday with your DH and DC. And if he has issues with it, say it’s not up to negotiation. That’s what will happen next holiday l

Does your husband even like you? Seems a bit of an odd response.

Don’t go, let him take the kids.

Say you dont want to go. Simples.

I’m betting SIL is a carbón copy of MIL
your husband is completely accepted but you’re made to feel uncomfortable or like you don’t fit in ?