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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate holidays with inlaws

132 replies

DodecahedronCat · 26/07/2025 21:54

Every year we go on a UK holiday with my husbands family . His sister in law is the boss of the family, she makes all the plans and everyone follows her. If i ask my husband what we're doing his answer is "I'll see what SISTER says"...
SIL and I are totally different, in 13 years of knowing her she has barely had a conversation with me. I hate being around her and her idea of a holiday is not the same as mine.
I told my husband I cant stand it. He is furious and says its my problem and my bad attitude is ruining the holiday.

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 27/07/2025 08:38

My ex husbands family used to go away together. We weren't given a choice on destination or duration, when etc just pay an go. I went one time in 20 years. I was called a drama queen for wanting to do something different to them. So I didn't go again. They can't make you. Just stay home. As you are there already, say today I'm going home, fors anybody want to come with me and take it from their.

Linenpickle · 27/07/2025 08:38

Sorry But I think it is wrong to expose kids to a situation where one parent is being ignored and isolated and kids will pick up on it. Your dh needs to grow a backbone and support you and stop being a little twat.

inappropriateraspberry · 27/07/2025 08:40

They can go together and you have a holiday on your own!

Pipsquiggle · 27/07/2025 08:45

I do think it's important to know if this is their only holiday of the year

Shinyandnew1 · 27/07/2025 08:51

You do go and they blank you, you don't go and it's 'awkward'.

I'd go for awkward.

Your DH is the problem here, why doesn't he care that his family are so rude to you?

99bottlesofkombucha · 27/07/2025 08:57

DodecahedronCat · 27/07/2025 00:28

Yes they basically all blank me, I feel so isolated around them. Im like an invisible passenger

No fucking way would I go, or take the dc and my dh would be booking counseling if he wanted to stay married. His role is to tell them to pull their socks up and none of you are going to come on holiday where his wife/his kids mum is treated like that. Hell would freeze over before I went, and rather than arguing say calmly we should go to counselling and you can tell the counsellor why you think your wife should go on a holiday where she gets treated like crap and you just let it happen. Let’s see what the counsellor says, not to mention all of our friends. I think it’s time to tell all of our couple friends how you let your family treat me and you expect me to put up with it, and see if they look at you the same way. One more word and I will start sharing with friends because I need support here, and my husband is the problem not the support.

Pandersmum · 27/07/2025 09:03

Do your IL’s pay for the holiday OP?

Alacartemenu · 27/07/2025 09:10

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/07/2025 00:35

"I told my husband I cant stand it. He is furious and says its my problem and my bad attitude is ruining the holiday."

So - you have a husband problem.

"Yes they basically all blank me, I feel so isolated around them. Im like an invisible passenger"

And your husband is OK with that? Does he pretend he doesn't see it?

Agree!

Sadly your husband is enmeshed with his family. I would refuse to go, there's no eay way on earth I would put up with being blanked on holiday by in laws. Absolutely refuse to go. He doesn't respect you, but you should respect yourself enough not to put yourself through that again.

VeryStressedMum · 27/07/2025 09:12

So your problem is with your husband who is shouting at you and blaming you for ruining things when he's forcing you to go on holiday with his family who make it known they don't like you.
He doesn't care about you enough to even listen.

bellamorgan · 27/07/2025 09:17

Dh’s family used to tag onto our holidays and then act like this. Hated every second caused no end of arguments paying for a holiday that became a non holiday. Luckily for me I just started booking places they won’t come.

In your shoes I’d just started booking saying you cannot get the annual leave approved.

NellitheNelephant · 27/07/2025 09:23

Do you have holidays with just you and your immediate family in addition to the inlaws holiday? If so, I would just suck it up and go with it. I would just surrender and let SIL make the decisions in the full knowledge that it is just for a week or whatever. It can be quite relaxing to let someone else do all the planning and you might end up enjoying it.

If you don't have your own holiday as well this is trickier and I would be telling DH that you want this - it's a reasonable desire.

Summerhut2025 · 27/07/2025 09:32

How do they manage to blank you when you’re all on holiday? Surely your husband must notice that?

mrswhiplington · 27/07/2025 10:07

RossGellersCat · 26/07/2025 23:41

OP, I literally could have written your post word-for-word. My annual in-law UK holiday is next weekend. I have no advice whatsoever (I plan to drink my way through it as it's all I have left at this point), but please know you're not alone.

Sorry but this made me laugh. It sounds like you’re going to the gallows.😅

JSMill · 27/07/2025 10:39

DodecahedronCat · 27/07/2025 00:28

Yes they basically all blank me, I feel so isolated around them. Im like an invisible passenger

You poor thing. Doesn’t your husband see this? You shouldn’t have to put up with this in any circumstances but especially not on a family holiday.

Elmaas · 27/07/2025 10:42

Why would you put yourself through this for a man who couldn't care less about you?

Send him off with the children in future and take a break.

slet · 27/07/2025 11:56

Downbadcrying · 26/07/2025 22:05

Oh my word I could have written this word for word.

Solidarity.

Me too

slet · 27/07/2025 12:13

I really do sympathise OP.

i too have in laws who blank me and barely acknowledge me. They are rarely overtly hostile or unkind, just completely uninterested in me as a person and don’t really acknowledge me as a person in my own right, just as dh’s wife/a vessel who has provided dgcs. This became very clear to me recently when I suffered a significant bereavement and they barely acknowledged it.

however, I still do go away with them, mainly because my dcs enjoy seeing their cousins and we do have holidays with my lovely family too. I just try to zone out a bit and detach from it all, take a few good books and sort of let it wash over me. It’s probably not a healthy way to handle it but that’s what I do…..

Floatingdownriver · 27/07/2025 12:16

Can you plan a trip with your family and see how much he enjoys that version?

Katflapkit · 27/07/2025 12:50

slet · 27/07/2025 12:13

I really do sympathise OP.

i too have in laws who blank me and barely acknowledge me. They are rarely overtly hostile or unkind, just completely uninterested in me as a person and don’t really acknowledge me as a person in my own right, just as dh’s wife/a vessel who has provided dgcs. This became very clear to me recently when I suffered a significant bereavement and they barely acknowledged it.

however, I still do go away with them, mainly because my dcs enjoy seeing their cousins and we do have holidays with my lovely family too. I just try to zone out a bit and detach from it all, take a few good books and sort of let it wash over me. It’s probably not a healthy way to handle it but that’s what I do…..

Why though? Why would you go? Do you not trust your husband to look after the he children properly without you? Why hasn't your husband addressed this issue with his family? Don't go - go visit friends or family or invite them over. I don't think it healthy for children to see their mother excluded and 'blanked'. At some point they will notice.

hmmimnotsurewhy · 27/07/2025 15:18

slet · 27/07/2025 12:13

I really do sympathise OP.

i too have in laws who blank me and barely acknowledge me. They are rarely overtly hostile or unkind, just completely uninterested in me as a person and don’t really acknowledge me as a person in my own right, just as dh’s wife/a vessel who has provided dgcs. This became very clear to me recently when I suffered a significant bereavement and they barely acknowledged it.

however, I still do go away with them, mainly because my dcs enjoy seeing their cousins and we do have holidays with my lovely family too. I just try to zone out a bit and detach from it all, take a few good books and sort of let it wash over me. It’s probably not a healthy way to handle it but that’s what I do…..

Why on earth is your husband putting you through that? Sounds like he doesn’t like you much as well.
and I’m certain your family treats him well.

AvidJadeShaker · 27/07/2025 15:39

DodecahedronCat · 26/07/2025 22:02

For the kids and my husband.
The kids love playing with their cousins and my husband wouldn't want to miss out on the family trip, his family have been doing it since he was a child with his extended family.

Show quote history

Why do you have to go with them, my DH used to holiday every year with his family, I tried it twice and then ditched it?

SonK · 27/07/2025 15:45

I wouldn't go - he can go and take the kids.
That way I get a break and my own relaxing holiday : )

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/07/2025 16:11

'He's furious and says my bad attitude is ruining the holiday'

Err I think that's enough to LTB but if he's nicer for the rest of the year, thenDO NoT GO!

If your MIL directly asks you why you can say I don't really get a say in activities and it causes arguments with your son .

Book yourself a spa break instead

BruFord · 27/07/2025 16:30

I agree with PP’s, next year, your DH can take the children by himself. You don’t need to be there (unless you’re breastfeeding) so he and his family can take care of them for a week.

My DH and DS are going to visit his parents next week and I’m not going, I’ll work and do various jobs in the house that are easier to do when others are away, like painting!

Littledogball · 27/07/2025 16:49

Why are you arguing about it? Just say you are not going again, that’s it. If he and the kids want to go that’s fine. You are not going. Simple as.