Page 6 | To hate holidays with inlaws

DodecahedronCat · 2025-07-26T20:54:53+00:00

Every year we go on a UK holiday with my husbands family . His sister in law is the boss of the family, she makes all the plans and everyone follows her. If i ask my husband what we're doing his answer is "I'll see what SISTER says"... SIL and I are totally different, in 13 years of knowing her she has barely had a conversation with me. I hate being around her and her idea of a holiday is not the same as mine. I told my husband I cant stand it. He is furious and says its my problem and my bad attitude is ruining the holiday.

Puffykins · 27/07/2025 17:54

I had this problem too. Except DH also didn't want to go. Now he goes for two or three days with the DCs and I don't go. He does, however come on my family holiday with my DPs and my sisters and their children. It's different though - significantly more fun and we can go off and do our own thing for a couple of the days and noone minds whereas my SIL would want us all to do the same thing every day and it has to be what she wants to do... seriously, just stop going.

BruFord · 27/07/2025 18:03

my SIL would want us all to do the same thing every day and it has to be what she wants to do.

@Puffykins DH’s family is rather like that, we were all expected to move as a herd, which is daft as people end up doing things that they’re not interested in and missing out on what they’d like to do!

A few years ago I decided that the best approach was to declare what we want to do and say that if anyone else wants to join us, great; if not, do whatever you’d like to do.
Or not go on the trip at all. 😂

RossGellersCat · 27/07/2025 21:49

mrswhiplington · 27/07/2025 10:07

Sorry but this made me laugh. It sounds like you’re going to the gallows.😅

Show quote history

It feels like it in oh so many ways 😂

Original poster

DodecahedronCat · 27/07/2025 22:45

Pandersmum · 27/07/2025 09:03

Do your IL’s pay for the holiday OP?

No we all pay ourselves but SIL choses the group house

OP posts:

slet · 28/07/2025 08:04

@hmmimnotsurewhyand @Katflapkit

its not about my husbands ability to look after the kids, he can do that no problem and they are teens/tweens now so not hard to look after in the same way as when they were little.

its more that I want dcs to have a relationships with their cousins and grandparents and I don’t want to miss out on the time with dh and dc. I have sort of become able to detach from it over the years.

however, the point you make about my dcs seeing me ignored is an important one and something I have been thinking about a lot recently. I honestly don’t think dh “sees” it or realises how bad it is. The other day we saw them for lunch and they didn’t ask me a single question or make any attempt to make conversation. I felt it was down to me to keep the chat going, and I said this to dh and he hasn’t realised. So I said next time I will just not initiate any conversation and he will see how obvious it is.

There was also this weird moment when one of the DCs mentioned this place they had been recently and PILs said they had never heard of it, and I pointed out that we’d been there together a few years ago and actually they had a photo of dcs there up on their landing. They were so dismissive and sort of angry that I had pointed out their error. They are odd people and I feel they are getting worse over the years. But we have been together for 25 years and married for 18 so it will be a massive thing to suddenly refuse to go with them.

phoenixrosehere · 28/07/2025 12:28

Pipsquiggle · 27/07/2025 08:31

I am probably going to go against the grain here but we have all been on group holidays and trips where it's patently obvious someone is bloody miserable and making it hard for everyone else. DH's family might just have stopped trying with OP.

I am firmly of the belief that on group holidays, particularly where there is history of doing things a certain way, established over years, you should just join in or don't go.

By going and joining in you can establish new traditions

I have but they usually don’t shut up about it. I would expect there to be compromises and everyone able to do at least one or two things that they enjoy not someone deciding everyone has to do xyz rather they like it or not.

Not sure how OP is supposed to try and establish new traditions when she is treated as invisible constantly by his family.

Original poster

DodecahedronCat · 30/07/2025 21:14

slet · 28/07/2025 08:04

@hmmimnotsurewhyand @Katflapkit

its not about my husbands ability to look after the kids, he can do that no problem and they are teens/tweens now so not hard to look after in the same way as when they were little.

its more that I want dcs to have a relationships with their cousins and grandparents and I don’t want to miss out on the time with dh and dc. I have sort of become able to detach from it over the years.

however, the point you make about my dcs seeing me ignored is an important one and something I have been thinking about a lot recently. I honestly don’t think dh “sees” it or realises how bad it is. The other day we saw them for lunch and they didn’t ask me a single question or make any attempt to make conversation. I felt it was down to me to keep the chat going, and I said this to dh and he hasn’t realised. So I said next time I will just not initiate any conversation and he will see how obvious it is.

There was also this weird moment when one of the DCs mentioned this place they had been recently and PILs said they had never heard of it, and I pointed out that we’d been there together a few years ago and actually they had a photo of dcs there up on their landing. They were so dismissive and sort of angry that I had pointed out their error. They are odd people and I feel they are getting worse over the years. But we have been together for 25 years and married for 18 so it will be a massive thing to suddenly refuse to go with them.

I feel like we have the same inlaws.

OP posts: